Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

Your decision. I tried bf for two days with DD1 and hated it. Five years later had DS and happily bf for 9 months.
Nothing wrong with formula.

I hated it. Absolutely agony. Worse than child birth. Do what you want.

I am massively more pro-choice on breastfeeding than I am on abortion. Your body, your choice, absolutely. We live in a place and time with access to safe water and excellent formula. There is some evidence of fairly trivial benefits to breastfeeding for healthy full-term infants but these are minor. However even if they were large and clearly supported by evidence, that still does not deviate from the fact that nobody bar you should decide how you use your breasts.

Congratulations on the new arrival

cocklodger
As long as your baby is fed and happy and YOU are happy, it makes no difference.
My HV said exactly the same as a PP - go in to a room of 5 year olds and you'll never be able to tell which were BF and which were FF.

Clearly us bottle feeding bitches don't give a crap. Oh and all mine had smelly blankets to comfort them too. What an absolute cow I must be. wink

My point was that the vast majority of people (me included - I tried LOTS with a dummy and a bit with a blanky) will understandably try to alleviate some of the sleeplessness etc of a newborn, pop off for an afternoon for a well-earned break. This is understandable but exclusively bf takes that choice from us so it isn't a question of whether you're a good mother who wants to do the best or not, it forces your hand. Bfing makes you sit for hours at a time holding the baby. I loved my babies but no way would I ever have chosen to hold them for such long periods. I therefore don't think people who ff their babies and then lay them down are anything other than sensible. I would have chosen to lay mine down too but bfing meant I couldn't. At the most basic level of mothering that all mammals do, it is clearly a better mother (i.e. what's best for the baby animal) to spend as much time as possible tending to the baby. I am not talking about being a good mother in general. I'm talking about specifically mothering an infant.

At the most basic level of mothering that all mammals do, it is clearly a better mother (i.e. what's best for the baby animal) to spend as much time as possible tending to the baby.

I don't think I have ever heard such guff. Honestly, quit while you're behind.

kitty my grandmothers mother died in childbirth and she was fed condensed milk from day one by her father. She is 94 and has rarely been ill.

We haven't got a large cohort of elderly formula fed people yet. Talking of healthy young adults who were ff doesn't really count for much. Once you get into your 60s is when all the health problems usually start showing up.

I hated it. Absolutely agony. Worse than child birth.

This was the case for me too and I'm so pleased I was living in a country with subpar formula so I just had to get on with it. No more than having it all careerwise we seem to have been fed a lie about bfing being a blissful experience. What should matter more is whether it's best for your kid or not, not whether it is a lovely experience for the mother.

Even if there wasn't any benefit to the actual breastmilk, I think the actual act of exclusively breastfeeding makes the mother the type of mother that is best for the child. Yes I know that sounds wanky

No. I wouldn't say 'wanky'...

I really don't know what to say to kitty ...

Don't let one person's off-the-wall opinions take over here.

There really isn't a debate here. Do what you decide to do in your circumstances. A

... ooops, baby posted for me!!

Access the best information you can and make your decisions, that's what we all aim to do. No one should be judging you at all.

I tried to bf DC1 and got in to a real state about it, life improved beyond measure for all of us once I started FF.

I did a similar thing with DC2.

By the time I got my last DC I FF from the word go, I cut out all of the 'should I/shouldn't I' angst and actually enjoyed the baby days instead of being miserable...how I wished that I had done that from the start with DC1!

Just do it OP you only get one go with each one of your babies actually being a baby, I was so torn to bits trying to do the best for DC1 that I ended up not doing the best for anyone.

I haven't read the who thread so this has probably already been said. I found breastfeeding very painful until 4 weeks. Nipple shields helped massively. After a month it was absolutely fine. Just saying in case you think it will always be painful. My baby didn't gain enough weight so was put on 2 bottles of formula a day from 1 month. Formula feeding (to me) was a right pain in the arse. Going out and haven't to make sure you have the right 'stuff' was so annoying. To be fair my baby couldn't have the ready mixed formula (milk allergy) and screamed if she was ever put down so everything was stressful.

You just do what you want. There are certainly pros and cons to both. Tell anyone who comments to jog on.

I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding, but I am also a huge supporter of women making their own choices. There is absolutely no point in continuing to nurse your child if it makes you feel the way you do. Your mental health comes above everything else in this instance, and if continuing breastfeeding will negatively impact it, then stop. However your baby is fed, it will be done with love. Your body, your choice. Please do what is best for you and tell everyone else to fuck off.

"Enjoy your baby and welcome to the world where Whatever You Do Will Be Wrong".

Absolutely this.

I didn't want to breastfeed. Did it because, 10mins after DS was born he wanted it, and I did it because I would've given him the world at that moment (and still would )

9 months later I'm still breastfeeding and have never expressed. Totally my choice to continue. Now I'm getting "You're not still breastfeeding, are you?!" comments. You really cannot win. So just do whatever suits you and your baby.

For what it's worth, I'm seriously considering formula feeding my next baby.

Good luck and enjoy.

Your baby's already had a nice boost from your breastmilk if you've been nursing her for a few days.

I bfed my DS1 for a few days and was miserable and when I brought up formula my midwife (who I had just med) said "if you stop breastfeeding I will be so disappointed with you" which made me cry as soon as she left. Bitch. I started him on formula the next day. DS2 I bfed while I was in hospital then made him a bottle as soon as I was home. Both are now big, exhausting toddlers. Your baby will do fine on formula, especially if it means they have a happier, less frazzled mum.

I thought that there was a new body of research coming through which indicated that the benefits of breast feeding had been overstated. That the main advantage was a small reduction in respiratory infections.

The other supposed benefits were actually probably really based more on the social class and wealth of the type of people who choose to breastfeed.

There was a study in Brazil where the situation is reversed and the poor tend to breastfeed but the rich formula feed. Almost all the supposed breastfeeding benefits were wiped out bar respiratory infections.

Breastfeeding is certainly being more openly challenged by the scientific community at the moment.

I'm now in my 60's and was FF on Cow & Gate, my children were all FF as well. Mrs as a child I saw my neighbours little boy being FF on condensed milk as well - he grew into a strapping lad.

I think there was a study a couple of years ago that compared BF children to FF children, but specifically compared children within families. It emerged that BF children could generally expect to have certain health benefits not enjoyed by FF children, BUT a BF child and a FF child from within the same family enjoyed similar health outcomes. So if you remove social and cultural factors, there is little difference.

Would like to see the link to the new research BillSykesDog please.
The only recent Brazil-related research seems to contradict you?
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/18/brazil-longer-babies-breastfed-more-achieve-in-life-major-study

I think it's a bit disingenuous to say that breastfeeding is only marginally better than formula. I also think it's disingenuous to say that you can't tell the difference.

I say this as someone who formula fed.

My baby had clear skin and sparkly eyes, when I started giving him formula he broke out in spots and his eyes looked dull. I went back to breastfeeding and within a day his skin cleared up. Breastfed babies smell different, their poos are totally different, their sick smells different.

Formula is fine but let's not kid ourselves that it's nearly as good.

Breastfeeding, if you can, is the absolute best food for the baby.

That doesn't mean you're a bad parent if you don't, or that your selfish. You could breastfeed but still be a terrible parent, but the breast milk is going to give the best start.

kitty honestly are you drunk?

Anyway cock you sound like you are doing a great job. My youngest is 15 and I think I have knickers in the bottom of my basket since i brought her home.

Zara: It's not disingenuous - it's fact.

TheWernethWife - I think condensed milk was fairly common as baby milk for babies born between wars. It was tinned and lasted forever and was cheap. Everytime we open a can of Campbell's my Nan reminds me that without it she would have perished and by default I wouldn't exist!!