Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

This is one of those situations where you can't win . I bf until dd was just over a year. I had a lot of ' are you still breastfeeding?' comments about me being a martyr because I declined an invitation for a night out when dd was 6 weeks old. Once dd hit 6 months all the new mums I had met were now ff and seemed desperate to get me to follow suit. Lots of comments about how dd wouldn't get enough nutrients as bf won't provide enough iron now. Yawwwwn....

In your case, I'm a rather sarky cow so if anyone asked me why I was formula feeding I'd be inclined to say I have a very rare medical condition and produce whisky and that's not good for my dc to drink, however it's fab for my DP.

Go and stand in a nursery full of children.

Point out the breastfed ones.

Oh. You can't?

There you go then. Do what suits you.
And tell those that question you to MTOFB.

MTOFB - I love working out acronyms

The militant bf mafiosa remind me of the pro life brigade.

They bleat on about women need to be informed and know all the facts and when the woman clearly knows the facts and chooses to abort they tell her she will regret it and will need trauma counselling blah blah blah!

People need to stick their big beaks out of other women's bodily choices.

That wasn't aimed at anyone here btw.

Op it doesn't sound as if you have any problem defending your decision to ff.
If you want to ff then go for it, no one on here has really tried to convince you otherwise and some of your comments can actually be quite hurtful to mothers who fought to bf (myself included).
None of us should be attacking others' choices.
If people ask why you are ff just tell them the truth. That it's painful and you don't feel strongly enough about it to continue, but to suggest that women who do feel strongly about the benefits have bf for no reason (if the benefits are non existent as you suggest) is insulting.

This has all been thrashed out many times. A few points I'd like to make are:
We haven't got a large cohort of elderly formula fed people yet. Talking of healthy young adults who were ff doesn't really count for much. Once you get into your 60s is when all the health problems usually start showing up. Youngsters can get away with a lot - eg. binge drinking 20 somethings are usually as healthy as their teetotal peers. It's when they become middle-aged that differences show.
I don't know if differences will show in elderly people who were ff vs bf or not but we can't talk about no negligible differences until we can compare them.

Even if there wasn't any benefit to the actual breastmilk, I think the actual act of exclusively breastfeeding makes the mother the type of mother that is best for the child. Yes I know that sounds wanky but I couldn't leave my kids alone for more than an hour or so up to 6 months as they used my breasts as their dummys (I tried quite a bit to give dummys to no avail). Neither of my kids ever showed any interest in any sort of blanket/teddy to hold onto (I tried that too). This is because I HAD to always be there for them. They learned that a human being was always there for them instead of a drooled-on blanky. This was not because I'm such a devoted parent and actively chose it but because exclusively bf demanded it. The mother is totally focussed on the child which can only benefit the child. I wonder if this might also account for the brain growth mentioned in the link a pp posted:
news.brown.edu/articles/2013/06/breastfeeding

I don't agree that denying a person a scientifically-proven health benefit is not other people's business as
1)We all pay for the NHS and they maintain FF people end up costing it more money than BF
2)Although someone is a baby's parent, that baby is still an individual with the rights to have the best done for them. We don't own our children.
People you know making some comments is hardly unreasonable I think.

I think most people would agree that the 'best' situation is a BF baby and a mum who enjoys it and is happy to do it.
IMO it is better for a baby to be FF and have a mother who is happy than to be BF by a mother who is hating every minute of it, dreading the next feed and not bonding as a result. Sheila Kitzinger, who was the biggest earth mother of them all was very clear that, if women felt uncomfortable with breastfeeding or disliked it, it wasn't in their or their baby's interest to force themselves to do it.
The evidence about the benefits of BF are quite conflicting whereas there is a huge amount of evidence about how poor maternal mental health impacts on babies.
I work in perinatal psychiatry in an area where BF is pushed very heavily. I see so many women who desperately wanted to BF but it just didn't work and so many of them feel so guilty about it and it is at least a contributing factor to them developing PND whereas women who have decided to FF prior to giving birth are usually fine with that decision.
I agree with a PP that breast milk is better for babies than formula but that doesn't mean that breastfeeding is always better because you have to factor in how it affects the mother.

So hang on a minute, Something (true) I say is attacked, I point out that it is in fact true and no one can tell me why my comment is inappropriate and I'm now offending people...? What.
So by defending my own comment, I'm offending people who fought to BF?
Okay then I'll just go sit in a corner.

Of course there will be elderly people who were breast fed however elderly people who were breastfed are not immortal they wil get sick with elderly people illnesses.

OP, don't worry. Anyone who is offended by anything you've said is a judgey dickhead. Your comments are totally reasonable.

If you think BM is only marginally better then that's fine, other people think differently.

I apologise then if my viewpoint came across as meaning your opinion on breast milk is wrong. Everyone's opinion is right to them, that's why they have it, everyone views things differently.

We can just agree to disagree.

FWIW for the last 7 years I have worked in a field that deals a lot with breast feeding, working with UNICEF, Infant Feeding Co-ordinators, attending conferences on the importance of breast feeding etc so I probably do come across as a bit strong but it's only because I'm something I'm very passionate about.

I genuinely apologise if anything I have said has annoyed/irritated you or pissed you off.

And as pro-breast feeding as I am I 100% agree that if a woman is not enjoying it then she shouldn't do it.

The first 8 weeks of me establishing feeding were hell, I was on the brink of physical and mental collapse and if I met a mother now who was in the same place I had been I would absolutely tell her that breast feeding isn't worth it and that if it's not working then just stop.

(I was a little bit PFB crazy).

So i'm the type of mother to leave my baby alone then? Because she drinks formula?

The problem is the nature of "marginal". Those who are strongly wanting to bfeed will likely see the margin as wider than those who aren't interested in bfeeding. Therein lies the disagreement.

I've only read your op and last msg, I really feel for you, your dh has no right and nor do your sister or mum to pressurise you. This arguement drives me nuts, it's your mental health at risk her, do what is right for you, I can tell you now no one has a clue later on in life who has and who hasn't been breastfed, it doesn't work for every woman and any man that try's to pressurise a woman needs their nipples clamped for a bit!

I was breastfed and my grammar is clearly lacking today so what does that say?!

Good on you for having a crack at breast feeding, even though it wasn't for you in the end

Your job as a mum is to feed your baby. Whether that's using breast milk or formula is totally your choice and no one should make you feel ashamed either way. If your little girl is fed, gaining weight, healthy and you're both happy then you've made the right decision.

On a side note, one thing I disagree with is feeding your baby McDonalds chips as soon as they cut a few teeth! I saw that once on a show featuring an obese American family who lived on junk food!

Bottle or breast, fed is best.

That's all there is to it.
End of.

ktty

breastfeeding makes the mother the best type of mother

Please take the prize for possibly the most ridiculous hilarious and on a serious note a very very cruel thing to say.

Never ever spout that crap in RL will you to people like my beloved dil who couldn't breast feed due to illness.

GreenGoddess, thank you for forming a response that wasn't
''what? what the fuck? how? wtf? why?''
Because thats all I could think of

I've BF one and FF one.

One child is calm, settled, slept through from 10w, is never ill the other child still doesn't sleep through [aged 2] and catches everything going.

Guess which one is which!

OP, you do what works for you and fuck everyone else.

breastfeeding makes the mother the best type of mother

GreenGoddess is spot on - this is the only genuinely offensive comment here.

cocklodger

Clearly us bottle feeding bitches don't give a crap. Oh and all mine had smelly blankets to comfort them too. What an absolute cow I must be.

Never mind all 4 are ridiculously healthy wonderful clever adults despite my selfish bottle feeding ways.

op I empathise. I had a rough time trying to breast feed dd before switching to formula so I decided to just use formula for ds. A few hours after his birth a midwife came in and asked how I was feeding him and then said "oh that's a shame". Disgusting thing to say to a new mother IMO. At the time it didn't bother me as I was too happy with ds and my choices. Please ignore any stupid comments it's really nobody's business how you feed your child.

Obviously, quick someone phone the NSPCC!
although I think I need more intervention for myself, my wash basket has never been bigger, I've eaten nothing but dominos and i've realized that baby puke stains are impossible to get out of clothes.
White dressing gown= ruined.
It takes me a good few minutes to write a coherent comment here because I forget what words go where.