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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to breastfeed

416 replies

Cocklodger · 11/11/2016 09:18

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

OP posts:
SpeakNoWords · 13/11/2016 20:26

It is very annoying that the benefits of breastfeeding are so often promoted as if they are individual to each specific child. Instead it's a likelihood, or a decreased risk, increased chance, that will only be visible across a whole population. To breastfeed is to have access to those possibilities, not a a guarantee of them.

For me, breastfeeding is the usual way that babies are fed, and is best suited for them as a result. When both my DSs were poorly in SCBU I felt that colostrum/breast milk was important. I also feel that the first 6 months where they are just having one food, milk, for the whole time is a crucial time. They have so much brain development during that time that I wanted to make sure they had access to any potential benefits. But if you don't feel that there are any significant differences between breast milk and formula then I can see that wouldn't be a concern for you.

lapsedorienteerer · 13/11/2016 20:27

YANBU in my experience :)

SpeakNoWords · 13/11/2016 20:29

apringle what are you on about with the corn syrup thing? In the UK the first ingredient in formula is demineralised whey, then various oils. Corn syrup isn't even an ingredient.

leapyearbaby · 13/11/2016 20:31

I'm enormously pro. Fed mine for a very long time. Trained as a Bf counsellor. But. I am not breastapo. It's not for everyone and for a myriad of reasons. And we need to respect each other. There are struggles and Struggles. And. There's the psychological side too. Some woman become amazed at what their bodies can do, others don't like it. Feel it challenges their identity. I am all for encouraging and supporting and helping. But only if you want to. There's a lot more to being a mum than how you feed your baby.

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 20:33

But Karen Hall who wrote it is just a breast feeding councillor,doula and presenter not a scientist or producer of respected research. Hardly on the fence,she would say that.Confused

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 20:34

"Major deficiency"- utter bollocks.

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 20:39

"A human right" pmsl Grin

apringle · 13/11/2016 20:49

I meant I feel breast MILKshould is a human right. And wow- Mums netters are quite mean responding to each other! Sad to learn people can't politely give their honest views without others being rude. What's the point of this forum, then? It's like some snarky Facebook debates I read.

caroline161 · 13/11/2016 20:54

I'm a midwife and I say do whatever makes you happiest. Your body, your baby do whatever you choose. :-)

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 20:55

But there are no stats to illustrate the scale of said "risk". As has been pointed out SIDS is rare and other factors minimise risk. Re obesity I lead by example,weaned my DC onto a healthy diet,limit sugar,provide 5 a day and exercise. Risk of obesity is minimal. Plenty of breast feeding mothers raise obese kids onto crap diets and don't provide exercise. Their obesity puts them at far more risk of cancer themselves and makes their DC far more likely to be obese.

Breast feeding benefit stats are tiny in the scheme of things even before you add in other protectory factors.

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 20:56

Saying breast feeding is a human right is not only ridiculous it's offensive and quite mean to say in the first place.

rubia · 13/11/2016 20:57

Ginger- she was quoting Maureen Minchin and her book is thoroughly referenced.. It wasn't her personal opinion

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 21:07

Well I'm sure others could write a thoroughly referenced book saying otherwise.

Stats wave backwards and forwards. I refuse to cherry pick and elevate breast feeding above all other diet and education preferences.

apringle · 13/11/2016 21:09

No - I genuinely feel that breast milk should be a human right of every baby (provided the mother is physically able). Not sure how that belief is "offensive and quite mean"? But there's so much hate and anger in the world right now - people wanting to tear people down - I choose to rise above it - and don't want to argue. If us moms of the world can't discuss and debate issues with respect - what chance to the others have? Haha! I wish you and your children all the best and have a great week.

GreenGinger2 · 13/11/2016 21:11

So I'm guessing you regard 5 a day,a sugar/ processed meat free diet,exercise, educational support,very limited screen time.... in the same light.

SpeakNoWords · 13/11/2016 21:17

A human right cannot depend on another persons body, as they also should have bodily autonomy. To say otherwise means supporting women being forced to breastfeed/express against their wishes. Otherwise how could you enshrine this supposed human right in law?

Women should have bodily autonomy and so be supported in choosing not to breastfeed for any reason.

Soubriquet · 13/11/2016 21:21

Are you American apringle?

As you mention formulas have corn syrup in them

The uk's formula do no have corn syrup

Topseyt · 13/11/2016 21:30

Well, I violated the human rights of all of my three right from birth. I formula fed them.

I didn't want to breastfeed, so I didn't do it.

What utter bollocks about human rights and major deficiency!!!

Personally, I consider it my human right to decide how I want to use my own body. After 9 months of pregnancy I definitely wanted it back, so happily gave my babies this major deficiency called formula.

Topseyt · 13/11/2016 21:38

Pronged, you sound as though you may be in the US.

Perhaps baby formula does contain corn syrup, but UK ones do not.

Handsoffmysweets · 13/11/2016 21:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

oblada · 13/11/2016 21:53

Apringle - just to say I agree with you. Maybe a bit far on the 'human right' bit but on the whole I would agree. Many disagree. Fomula manufacturers have done a good job. Reading atm 'the politics of breastfeeding' which is very interesting!

Whilst I agree it is an individual choice it is also a wider concern/issue for society. If every country ff as much as UK/France and other similar countries the consequences (health issues but also environmental issues) would in all likelihood be quite substantial and detrimental overall.

Hopefully the trend will slowly reverse and go back to a majority of bf. Otherwise yes in theory I agree it is an individual choice and should be a free choice as long as it is an informed and fully supported choice (knowing the risks, the limitations of our knowledge re ff, and also having received sufficient support to be able to have considered bf properly).

tazo5153 · 13/11/2016 21:56

First of all, I would just like to say you are the mummy so what ever you decide is it. Your tits your rules. Yes I have breast fed both my babies, but to be honest if they hadn't latched and been so chuffing greedy I probably would not have broken my back to do it. As for all the hoo-ha about human rights, you are the mummy, you get to decide. What ever you decide will be right for you and right for your child. There are so many crazy one way or tother views on feeding a baby (basically boob vs bottle is as controversial as trump vs Hillary) but at the end of the day, what ever gets you through the day and the baby through the night will inevitably be the right decision. Don't let any one shame you, guilt you, tell you you are doing something wrong or taking
Something from your child. You are not. The fact that you even bothered to question it shows you care. You are mum. You are great. Own it. Be proud of it. And most importantly enjoy it! X

wherestheweightlosspill · 13/11/2016 22:11

Finding it weird hearing about the shame of majority choosing to FF and not enough support for BF, I found 100% the opposite. I was the 'bad mother' for giving up BF at 2 weeks even though my baby was starving and there was no support for anything other than BF. I had clinics, mw at my house etc to support BF which didn't work at all and I was on my own with FF, not even the formula websites help you, they just tell you about BF. I'd have loved it to work but it didn't! I don't believe my milk ever came in and she was actually starving but no one cared

WindInThePussyWillows · 13/11/2016 22:24

I gave up breastfeeding my twins after a few weeks. I never exclusively breastfed as one twin was in NICU and the other in transitional care and the running between and pumping and sterilising was overwhelming. They were both being fed at different times, twin 1 was ever hour and twin 2 every 90 minutes and it was just too much. By the time I'd fed one the other needed starting.

Nightmare but I felt under so much pressure to carry on.
When I eventually said enough is enough and FF I was elated and started enjoying my babies instead of focusing on boobs.

Congratulations.