Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

I suspect the academics who did the 4 IQ points study had probably covered the issue of the difference between correlation and causation at some point during their postgraduate studies. And the premature baby studies are very clear indeed on the genuine benefits.

Oh well in that case we can all rest easy. So how much BF generates an IQ gain of 1 point? How long do I have to BF to produce a Mozart or an Einstein? If there is a clear and direct correlation and you can quantify the IQ gain from a specific exposure to breast milk, isolated from social factors, those questions should be answerable. Oh, hold on, they're not remotely answerable, are they?

What. A. Crock.

kitty I'm sorry, I find your arguments confusing.

1- your point about the robots you made a few pages back. You're still suggesting that to be a better mother you must hold your child more. So you mean that if my child is asleep, not hungry and has been comforted, I'm less of a mother because I put her down to sleep in a cot rather than continue to hold her?

1. noone's suggesting you can take two different people and make one have a higher IQ than the other by feeding that child breastmilk

Yet you go on to say a smarter kid could have been made smarter by breastfeeding. Which directly contradicts the quote above.

34 year old cow comment is bizarre.

Cows only live to about 15 (yeah OK I googled it) so a 34 year old cow would be about the equivalent of a 200 year old human!

And no, I wouldn't breastfeed if I was 200 years old but it would be nothing to do with toxins, FFS, it would be more due to the fact that I would presumably be rather past it in childbearing terms in general.

What a load of bollocks.

WRT health comments, it's not possible to recreate all of the benefits of breastmilk in a commercial milk product based on the milk of another species (which is what formula is). But this is key - we have so many advantages in our society that on an individual basis the differences are very small. That is not because formula is "just as good" but because when you take the whole situation into account the chemical make up of the milk is just not that big a factor.

Globally we are extremely lucky and we shouldn't forget that. It is this which makes formula a viable option (and a perfectly FINE choice - no, nobody has the right to judge, nobody has the right to tell a woman what she should do with her own body, her own breasts, her own milk. That's her decision alone.)

Consider this.

• We have a safe, plentiful water supply. We know that the water we use to make up formula will be safe and clean. We can wash bottles in yet more clean, safe water. It's not a problem to us to waste it. We can use as much water as we want. We don't have to worry about saving it or substitute unclean water when it runs out.

• We have plentiful access to electricity enabling us to easily and quickly heat up water for formula, and heat up water for cleaning bottles, whether that's by hand or in a dishwasher, another luxury. We can heat up milk to any temperature we like, whether that's warming it to body temperature or using ultra heat treatments to pasteurise ready made formula. We can store made up formula in a fridge which keeps it at a low enough temperature to avoid fast bacterial growth.

• We have enough knowledge as a society to understand what causes the spread of bacteria, and hence we can take steps to prevent it. We have a good enough education system that most people understand the risks of bacteria and how to avoid them, even if that is only at a basic level (not reusing bottles which have old milk remnants in, not feeding spoiled milk, keeping the container closed). We have access to the internet and health pamphlets which explain the rules of safely making up formula.

• Formula labels are printed in a language that most people in this country understand and most of those people can read. Even if you can't read, it's likely that you know somebody who can. The information on the cans is required by law to be clear and easy to understand. It's also made available in several formats, e.g. via the company's website or a helpline. It's not likely that the vast majority of people in the UK would mistake another product for baby formula. Health professionals are also trained in how to safely make up formula and can show you if you ask.

• Even if something does go wrong, either with false preparation or lack of extra antibodies from breastmilk, we have excellent, free health care. Most people also have cars meaning that we can get a sick baby seen to very fast. Something like an ear infection is very unlikely to be deadly, because we know how to treat it and we have the resources to do so. And while something like diarrhoea can be extremely dangerous to a young baby, with close monitoring, most babies will completely recover and be absolutely fine.

Other claims - IQ, SIDS, and so on, breastfeeding is only one factor which helps with these things and we have access to so many more options.

OP is fine. OP has nothing to feel bad about. It's not a terrible decision. You cannot do everything perfectly in parenting. You must do what keeps you sane and happy.

I don't think I've ever seen a BF thread dig so far for shite to prove its best

I'm torn between

Trifle, my whole point was that it is impossible to predict the effects on an individual from the general results of a population level study. But you seem to be a bit too focused on being dismissive to care what I was saying. To be clear, I don't give a shit how you or anyone else feeds their baby, it has no effect whatsoever on me or my children. But I'm going to trust the extensive medical team caring for my premature DD when they explain the benefits of breastmilk for her.

Hmm. Didn't look like your point to me but whatever. I'm glad to hear you are going to make up your mind and leave others to make up theirs, preferably without the passive aggressive judgey comments please.

Please point me to the passive aggressive judgy comment. Was it the one where I thanked God formula exists because it is keeping babies alive? I'm struggling to see judgment in that.

Your implication is that formula is okay if a mother has to, but really she is risking her child having a low IQ by choosing it. It is mealy mouthed from someone who insists they don't give a shit what others choose to do.

The benefits of a happy mother are much more certain than those of breastfeeding. I believe that's a fact. And as such all women should do what they want and suits them. Some will bond best with BF and some FF.
I am sure most of the post war generation were FF and are now 60-70. Formula was not as good then. My nan says many babies in war and pre war were fed on condensed milk. Not to mention that until relatively recently babies were weaned as young as 3 weeks old. My very fit active brother was FF, weaned early, had his dummy dipped in jam etc. A generation before dummies were regularly dipped in alcohol to aid sleep according to my nan.
It's really in the noughties that BF has become fashionable again. That's great and I'm pleased. But nothing is forever and I am willing to bet that when my grandchildren are born it could be completely different advice around weaning and feeding.
Fwiw I've done both. I enjoyed one more than the other for sure.

Bollocks was that my implication and you'd have to be looking to find a criticism to suggest so. Well done for being so aggressively critical of someone making a fairly neutral post in which she also explained that she was in NICU with a premature child though, that must feel nice. (Her life incidentally saved by IV fluids as I was too out of it with illness to have any input into how she was fed for the first few days.)

I apologise if I misinterpreted what you said. That's how it sounds to me but you know your intentions better than I do.

Trifle that's bollocks. I'm privately educated with a degree and I didn't bf.

Minifingerz that's bollocks too. The amount of misinformation on here is astounding.

Colic is just as common in breastfed babies as in formula-fed babies.

On average, it isn't bollocks at all. Generally, the higher your level of education and income, the more likely you are to BF. You are not representative of that but it doesn't make it untrue.

I don't think I've ever seen a BF thread dig so far for shite to prove its best

I formula fed my twins and breastfed my 3rd baby and you can't tell the difference! Don't listen to anyone else- it's your body.

You really don't have to breastfeed if you don't want to. Formula is fine if that's the better option for you. As long as you feed your baby somehow that's all that matters.

However, it does get easier! At 4days post birth I was crying and messaging all my friends with babies saying how much it hurt and how I was worried my baby wasn't feeding enough etc. By two weeks it was bareable. By six weeks it was easy. At 12 weeks I'm enjoying it. It does require perseverance and putting up with a lot of pain, which antenatal classes don't seem to tell you about.

Good luck and best wishes with the new baby.

obv babies in SCBU are exempt from the 'formula is fine' thing. Those babies desperately NEED colostrum/breastmilk to thrive, and in some cases survive NEC.

I can't understand how any woman who dislikes the idea of BF would deny a SCBU baby hand expressed colostrum. It's literally like denying your baby life saving medicine

I wanted to bf, just couldnot, you do what works for you, baby will thrive.

I didn't breastfeed at all. Not even one feed not because I can't or something was wrong, I purely didn't want to. I never had that urge to breastfeed. If you don't want to then don't.

Much better for your baby to have a happy, comfortable mum. In an ideal world breast feeding would be easy for everyone. Historically, there were wet nurses-not acceptable now. Enjoy your baby and don't be stressed.

I tried to breasts feed my ds, he struggled with latching on due to tongue-tie and my God it hurt but I continued to try. After a few days of distress and tears (both ds and me) we gave him a bottle as I was worried he wasn't getting enough milk, he guzzled this the poor star in child. I then expressed a pitiful amount of milk (which took a good hour) and gave that to him in a similar bottle and he spat it out, Ungrateful swine!!!!! So I said bollocks to the breastfeeding and had a glass of wine! It doesn't work for everyone and to anyone who makes you feel guilty for making your own choice "up your pipe!". Congrats on the new baby btw xx

Should've read 'poor starving child', doh!

Being a parent you are constantly judged whichever choices you make I'm afraid. As long as your happy and baby is happy, who cares, nobody else's business.