... to let all you chancers know that there's no MN Secret Santa this year

[BIWI]

Mumsnet is a very different place now, compared to a few years ago, when the lovely Soapy set up the first secret Santa.

It's become a much bigger site, which obviously benefits MNHQ, but it's made a secret Santa untenable.

There have been a lot of rumblings over the last few years from people about whether we want it or not. But ultimately it's become just too big and unmanageable a job for anyone to handle.

So all you chancers who wait until this time each year to post your sob stories no longer need to bother.

I wasn't aware of these scammer types on here until last year, there was a woman who had been receiving a weekly shop for about 18 months if my memory serves me correctly, and was looking for all supplies associated with Christmas.
I felt so, so sad for her, and would have happily donated. I think it turned out to be a scam, and I felt awful for the woman who had been helping her out.
I think it's sad that the scammers make it so the genuine can't get help.

I think also a thread that has really sensible advice about what to do if you find that you suddenly have no money or an unexpected bill - what your rights are in terms of offering payment

That is a shame. I was nominated last year and very touched by it all. It made a hard year, much easier knowing someone was thinking of us. I appreciated the gifts received and they still make me smile when I see them.

I was planning on paying it forward this year but in light of no secret santa this year, I will have to find a real life option. Maybe the local women's shelter.

The begging threads are very tiresome (as are all the trolls and liars and Daily Mail work experience interns infecting the site) but I think the Mumsnet Secret Santa had frankly just become an enormous and thankless pita for HQ, so I can't blame them for dropping it this year. Before HQ took it on and it was done by a kindly Mnetter, didn't it cause her an unbelievable amount of stress? And that was when the site was much smaller than it is now.

ThumbWitches, thanks for the explanation, that does make sense (takes a while to go in sometimes...).

I think there was a Secret Santa thread as well (or maybe not secret really) with posters posting on a thread to join it - person above buys for person below, kind of thing, so I suppose people can still join in that one.

I'm looking forward to seeing what MNHQ has up their sleeves because in principle, it's a nice thing to do. Woolly Hugs will always have my support too because they're amazing and so are the incredible talents that make beautiful squares. :)

I think it's quite sad to stop it.
I never got anything, but I was quite struck on the thanks thread how few of the posters were names I recognised. I don't think it was anything like "just the popular posters getting". I suspect that also the more regulars were more likely to donate too.

There was also a small threads with people talking about why they nominated someone-and it was really thoughtful. Not a "oh she makes me laugh"; much more "I was really upset and she just listened" type.

But I do find the clearly begging posts (and I don't think they're after Secret Santa) irritating, and I think HQ's advice is usually good. There are some posters who have a history of being in a bad position and I don't think of them as on the scrounge-just sympathy and practical help. There's also the £4.97 and a 2euro coin "get me through the week with that" and again I think they are again after genuine advice.
but it's the "No Christmas presents and my children deserve a wonderful Christmas" followed by drip feeding of a worse and worse situation until people start offering, that make me suspicious. I haven't seen any of those yet this year though.

gins that's a good idea I was skint the other day as a bill went out that washe much higher than I thought. I made a thread and people told me I can contact the bank and retract it. So I would get money back. And it worked was really simple.

Sounds like the most sensible decision.

And it really is only the chancers that get told to fuck off.

For a few years we always received; life was bloody hard and it wasn't so much the money as the feeling that we weren't on our own iykwim- we also donated, and always, always said thank you. It was a sanity saver but I can't see how big-MN could do it now. It might be worth pointing people towards schemes that do exist as they're not always openly advertised, the blatant begging is just though.

I've been nominated and also donated in the past and always thought it was such a great project. I wasn't on MN much last year so didn't notice the increase in scamming begging threads but have already done so this week.

i can imagine though that it must've been massively unwieldy for MNHQ so it doesn't surprise me that it's been stopped.

It would be nice if those of us who can donate locally. I'm planning to put a bag of Xmas food on a neighbours door on Xmas eve. Well getting my dh to do it. Wheelchair marks would rather give the game away. They are having a bad time lately, recent sudden disability and associated income problems. I'm hoping it will help. You can't have too many chocolates, mince pies and biscuits. There is no such thing!

My first year as a single disabled mum, after my now ex cheated while I was in hospital, someone left me £20 of Morrisons vouchers. It made a huge difference.

So glad for the gift and have never forgotten it even though I am happily remarried now. So now I try to pay it forward.

Not Take a Break put glitter on an old loo roll and yell BANG and you've got a home made cracker tips either 😂

I do that!

I never really bothered with the SS threads. I vaguely knew what they were about. I'm glad that it did work for some people, but I think there used to be a fair bit of angst caused too.

Tbh, I'm suspicious of begging threads, so I wouldn't be sending stuff to anyone based on a sob story.

But I neeeed to pay the goat for watching the children so I have no pennies for even a small chicken. And I am no contact with society so cannot seek help elsewhere. I already ebayed the dog to pay for the 50ft flat screen... and my goldfish recently passed and one of my children has a slight cold. Not that I was hoping for a SS this year. Just any ideas you might have?

On a more serious note a few years ago when I was having a bit of a horrible time some mumsnetters very kindly offered to buy something for my DD. I didn't take them up on it but I always remember the thought and generosity of those people. It does make me sad but not surprised when people try and take advantage of that.

I think it's far better MN chanel the secret Santa to an actual charity rather than having the five million begging posts or friends nominating friends. It got out of hand and caused a lot of issues.

The OP needed to be said. Over the years there have been a lot of begging threads from newbies and regulars and it's all unregulated and nobody really has a clue of who they are sending too.

Christmas never changes, it falls at the same time every year. It doesn't change to surprise people.

I got a secret santa last year under a different name that I only posted under a handful if times in the summer. I was touched to be given a gift and that someone had remembered me.

It's a shame it's stopping I was going to provide a gift this year as a way of saying thanks

Play - pay it forward. Donate a gift to a Women's Refuge instead, somebody will be eternally grateful if you do. x

It's sad that it's come to this, but totally unsurprising.

I wish we could dial MN back 10 years when we knew pretty much everyone.

That's not to say that lots of people that have joined since then aren't lovely, but it's too big, too different, too pulled apart by the DM. I miss how it was.

I came on to suggest someone starts up a Frugal Christmas thread with tips/advice on how to manage without much money and then any threads started about having no money for Christmas could be directed there so they could get useful, practical ideas. It would be a good resource and people would be helping by proffering ideas. Anyway, I see it's already been suggested upthread so I second the idea .

thumb good thinking, I will do

There's always a way to pay it forward. I've just been checking my local facebook feeds and just in my area there's a gift collection point for local womens' refuge, extra food bank collection points and wishlists at our supermarkets and I can also drop off gifts for long-term patients at the regional psychiatric hospital. I'm definitely going to do what I can through these.

Woolly Hugs are also continuing their work for families with children in hospitals in the UK, children with cancer in developing countries and are holding a Christmas craft sale for the Alzheimer's Society on Facebook too: www.facebook.com/events/185395838566687/?ti=icl

Also, with Woolly Hugs, you don't have to be able to knit or craft, you can also donate to them to help buy wool for people who can. Win-win!

I agree with others, it has reached a natural end and also support channelling donations through suitable charities.

However, I would like an opportunity to acknowledge and thank posters who have been kind, supportive or helpful. What about a thank you thread?

I think the MNHQ message needs to be clearer. "We have no reason to doubt the OP, so this is no way suggesting they are not genuine but as you know - we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are and we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare." It is too long and too cagey.

"Many people are after your money on the internet. Do not give anything but advice on MN." would do nicely.

Agreed

Makes me all stabby.

I have had truly heartbreaking events this past few years. I read other stories and just think they've got nothing on mine

Obviously I have no intention of begging strangers on t'internet. I saved up like any sensible person would.