BEST FRIEND TRIED IT WITH BOYFRIEND

[lithium3]

So after giving birth to DS 4 months ago I was out this weekend for the first time. I invited my best friend as she was having a rough time with her DP (she has two little boys with him) to come along with me and my DP to later meet up with a few of my other friends.

After a few beers it was clear that she was quite drunk and we headed to the club. I went to the toilet and came down to DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him.. So I moved her then she did the same to all my male friends including one who had a girlfriend which she met earlier that evening. I felt so embarrassed by her, all of them felt so awkward.

In the end she ended up finding a man that actually kissed her back and she stayed with him the remainder of the night until it was 3am and me and DP wanted to go home yet she refused to come with us so we left her with this man.

We have spoke since but she hasn't mentioned anything about it, she apologised to me and DP for 'being a dick' over text.

DP absolutely adored this girl before all this and loved her two little boys but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that. I agree with him but I really don't know how to address the situation, in my mind I'm just putting it down to her being so drunk she didn't know what she was doing but then another part of me thinks that she did know.

I don't know what to do, she is my best friend that I turn to for everything. How should I address it? Am I being too laid back? Just need an outsiders opinion..

I can't keep up with the questions, Where. I must have missed yours. Was it something to do with reversing the sexes ?

If you're going to reverse the sexes to a man doing this, it's better to use the exact same terminology as the OP, who only used the words "tried to kiss"

We don't know how this was done though forcefully? or whilst the friend was laughing and titting about?

I presume since the OP hasn't used the words sexual assault / groping / forced herself upon, that it was the latter - but that's pure conjecture.

I am very confused at other people's definite of "best friend"

Perhaps that means something very different to me.

*definition

My first post to you was:

^AF, I think you're being a bit disingenuous here with the reversed sexes asshattery comment. If a drunk male member of the group was groping and kissing all the females forcefully, in my experience, you'd be the first to jump all over him and label him as lecherous and abusive. Just because this person was female doesn't make what she did any less lecherous or harassing.

She probably is embarrassed and ashamed of herself, but so she should well be!

Also I've had a friend get drunk and attach herself to a random at 03:00. Other than physically drag her (which I would probably have had limited success with anyway), there was no way I was getting her to come home with me. I took the rego of the cab they left in and made sure she had plenty of money to get home. Sadly that's where my responsibility ended. She was an adult and I couldn't babysit her.^

I also asked where anyone had slut shamed the woman like you said.

Best friend = wouldn't try it on with their best friend's dp.

AF

I'll give you this, you are one stubborn fucker!

surely, though, no matter how pissed you are you don't repeatedly go for the partner of a close friend? And then target someone else who has a partner? That sounds deliberate to me. Not exactly an advertisement for sisterhood in the first place.

Wow, this now just a pile on AnyFucker, huh?

Best friend = wouldn't try it on with their best friend's dp.

^
This

AF. You're tying yourself in knots with your twisted logic and complete unwillingness to see the other side of the argument, making yourself look ridiculous in the process

As well as all the other men in the group and then went off with some random

It wasn't just the op's boyfriend (although are we assuming now that he is op's "property" and hitherto untouchable ?)

My response would be different if that were so. But no, let's make it more of a drama by skimming over the fact that she was trying it on with every male in the group and then kept going until some opportunist moved in

That's not normal behaviour in my friendship group and ostracising her because of it is shitty

For me the conversation would go something like:

'Your behaviour the other night, when you tried to kiss DP and others, really upset both of us. I've never seen you like that before and I would never have thought you'd do something like that. Do you know what made you do it?'

Maybe I am a doormat. Probably. My friends mean an awful lot to me though - they're the longest relationships I've had!

Don't link me in with your 'pile in' Paul. I'm trying to have a serious convo with AF, as I have in the past, and ime she's fairly robust anyway, can handle herself, and isn't generally shy when it comes to giving others her opinion.

I'd say the reason people are getting so hung up on this is because it is so glaringly a case of double standards here.

I am not twisting nor backtracking anything (despite some valiant efforts to push me into doing so)

My responses are consistent. My first thoughts would be with my best friend and checking all was well (or more likely not) before ostracising her

Not saying the dp is property just that friendship generally involves something called loyalty. I would consider it a massive betrayal if my bf tried it on with my dh. The fact she tried it on with a load of other men as well wouldn't concern me either way.

it is so glaringly a case of double standards here.

Agreed... I'm sure AF realises this and she's clearly intelligent... but also one who's too proud to admit it!

It wasn't just the op's boyfriend (although are we assuming now that he is op's "property" and hitherto untouchable ?)

Maybe the OP and her partner just have a happy healthy relationship? It happens

No worries, Paul. Me and my female centric, man hating opinions seem to be somewhat of a challenge sometimes

I was supposed to be having an early night tonight

And I don't believe that having had a drink means you forget someone is your bf's dp or that you aren't responsible for your behaviour. She knew it was her bf's dp and she didn't care. Why should the op be fawning over her when she clearly doesn't give a shit in return?

The OPs partner came to her after her BF tried it on multiple times and wasn't backing off. Would you really have added extra humiliation and basically told him to suck it up and stop whining as the BF is going through a hard time?