BEST FRIEND TRIED IT WITH BOYFRIEND

[lithium3]

So after giving birth to DS 4 months ago I was out this weekend for the first time. I invited my best friend as she was having a rough time with her DP (she has two little boys with him) to come along with me and my DP to later meet up with a few of my other friends.

After a few beers it was clear that she was quite drunk and we headed to the club. I went to the toilet and came down to DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him.. So I moved her then she did the same to all my male friends including one who had a girlfriend which she met earlier that evening. I felt so embarrassed by her, all of them felt so awkward.

In the end she ended up finding a man that actually kissed her back and she stayed with him the remainder of the night until it was 3am and me and DP wanted to go home yet she refused to come with us so we left her with this man.

We have spoke since but she hasn't mentioned anything about it, she apologised to me and DP for 'being a dick' over text.

DP absolutely adored this girl before all this and loved her two little boys but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that. I agree with him but I really don't know how to address the situation, in my mind I'm just putting it down to her being so drunk she didn't know what she was doing but then another part of me thinks that she did know.

I don't know what to do, she is my best friend that I turn to for everything. How should I address it? Am I being too laid back? Just need an outsiders opinion..

Nah sorry I'd have no sympathy. I've been absolutely rolling (while single) and you still know who is your mates bf. She could have acted like as much of a prick with anyone else but trying to kiss your dp shows she doesn't give a shit about you.

Bacon yes I'm always there for her too

HerOtherHalf we repeatedly tried to get her home and she swore she was fine and wanted to stay with the guy. Also my friends were in the club still keeping an eye on her (from a distance) and got a taxi back with her later on.

AF And you think every post made to MN has sub-editors looking for contextual mistakes?

Navy the issue here isn't people trying to say the woman is a 'saint', it's other woman (ie. you) being hellbent on shaming this woman, by completely disregarding the mitigating factors.

I think AF has it precisely right, as usual.

Op has asked us what we would do personally in this situation.
I have given my personal opinion. Knowing what my best friends are like and knowing what my husband is like.
If my best friend behaved like this I would think she needed an intervention. If my husband was trying to get me to have it out with her to improve my own backbone then I would think he dad taken leave if his senses.

If he used past tense and would be willing to cut a best friend (and her children) off because of one episode of mortifying drunken behaviour then he wouldn't be the man I thought he was

have a tendency to think that everyone fancies her/ comes onto her

So basically she thinks the same as a rapist, who usually blame the victim for giving them a sign that they wanted them.

Sounds like you'd be better off without her tbh.

Paul

I think the issue is that we all know/suspect that a man would never, ever, be given the benefit of 'mitigating circumstances' were this reversed!

If a woman does this there's a reason for it and she must be empathised with but if a man does he's a cheating, scumbag.

Is that what's being said?

By you. Don't put words in people's mouths.

I don't see how going through a rough patch in a relationship gives a person a free pass to get trollied and kiss other people's partners/randoms in a nightclub.

No banana. The issue is Navy bring deliberately controversial when it isn't relevant to the actual situation at hand.

If you want my opinion, which AIBU is all about, your mate needs you. You and OH/Dh can sort your own shit out. You need to support your BF.

I think you need to say something to her, regardless of your feelings on what happened. Your DP is upset and feels awkward and your friend is clearly struggling with something. If they both mean as much to you as they seem to, you owe it to both of them to deal with this.
IMO I think you should tackle her head on and tell her exactly what she did, that she crossed a line for you and DP and that you're worried about her.

As for this thread, I can see sexism all over the place. How many threads have we seen where a posters husbands family / friends have done something unacceptable and the advice is always - the DH should sort it.
Not to mention that if I posted that one of DHs drunk friends kept trying to kiss me to the point DH had to move him away, it would take less than 5 posts for it to be pointed out that this is harassment / assault and that DH should be stepping in.

Give over, Navy

I am clearly in the minority on this thread. Don't miss a chance to have a dig though. Heaven forbid.

What mitigating factors allow anyone to go around kissing people and making advances when they have been turned down? Whether it's your best friends partner or not.. being drunk and unhappy is not a free pass.

As others have said If it was a man doing the rounds and kissing women when he was unwelcome and multiple times at that, then it would be a different story.

I'd be interested (and I mean that genuinely) to know why pointing out what she did was unacceptable is 'shaming' or even 'slut shaming' her?

In the op's situation I'd tell the friend she was out of order and I wouldn't bother with her again tbh. She sounds fucking tiring with the everyone fancying her bullshit anyway.

AF - the DH is the one who is the prime villain here, and the women trying to cheat on her husband with him is the one deserving of sympathy?!?

If you were a man saying the same in reverse I'd be thinking Trump had given up on this election campaign and taken to MN having got bored with Twitter!