BEST FRIEND TRIED IT WITH BOYFRIEND

[lithium3]

So after giving birth to DS 4 months ago I was out this weekend for the first time. I invited my best friend as she was having a rough time with her DP (she has two little boys with him) to come along with me and my DP to later meet up with a few of my other friends.

After a few beers it was clear that she was quite drunk and we headed to the club. I went to the toilet and came down to DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him.. So I moved her then she did the same to all my male friends including one who had a girlfriend which she met earlier that evening. I felt so embarrassed by her, all of them felt so awkward.

In the end she ended up finding a man that actually kissed her back and she stayed with him the remainder of the night until it was 3am and me and DP wanted to go home yet she refused to come with us so we left her with this man.

We have spoke since but she hasn't mentioned anything about it, she apologised to me and DP for 'being a dick' over text.

DP absolutely adored this girl before all this and loved her two little boys but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that. I agree with him but I really don't know how to address the situation, in my mind I'm just putting it down to her being so drunk she didn't know what she was doing but then another part of me thinks that she did know.

I don't know what to do, she is my best friend that I turn to for everything. How should I address it? Am I being too laid back? Just need an outsiders opinion..

Unless op is the friend and the thread hasnt turned out the way they where hoping.

FlapsTie

A drunk woman trying to kiss random men is usually (and I'm struggling to think of a scenario where this wouldn't apply) very troubled or possibly mentally ill.

Wow, what rubbish. all you are doing is excusing poor behaviour.

I went through a very messy divorce 8 years ago, and increased the amount of time I was clubbing. I flirted with lots of men and had a few ONS.

NEVER EVER, did I try to kiss one of my friends husbands. Even when spectacularly drunk, I would know that this is crossing a massive line. It's shitty behaviour, and I for one would cut this "friend" off completely.

Fwiw, the reason my marriage broke down (20 yrs relationship) was because my ExH behaved exactly like this woman. Always trying to cop off with any woman he could. It's NOT harmless. She might not be vulnerable at all. And even if she is, it's no excuse. I'd be livid.

Op did not leave her alone in the club - other friends were still there. And I should imagine SHE HAD TO GET BACK TO HER 4 MONTH OLD BABY!

Is AnyFucker for real?

Tbh this has happened to me with friends (not very good friends but friends all the same). I just laughed it off as there was no way it was going to happen and friend was very drunk. Like others have said, it's sad for her (and probably very embarrassing). I would just leave it myself.

This thread is bonkers!

navy I'm with you.

I probably won't articulate this very well, but I don't think the wider context really matters when talking about an individual situation like this. I mean obviously women are more vulnerable to sexual attack than men are. Obviously in the vast majority of cases, it is more intimidating if it is the other way round because power etc.

But in this example, that we are discussing right now, this woman sexually harassed a man. He did not want her advances and he is upset about it. He is allowed to feel that way. It doesn't matter about the "nuances" to him.

Being drunk is no excuse, the same as it wouldn't be if things were the other way round.

AnyFucker Get back to me when the playing field we are on is completely level.

Goodness.

Does this mean that as black woman I can behave in an abhorrent manner toward white people until "the playing field we are on is completely level". You see white people continue to subject me and my black friends to appalling bigotry and violence. No. Despite my experiences I do not think anyone should suffer that crap. I am pleased I am not so pathetic. I make no apologies for feeling I'm a better human being than some of these people on this thread.

Navy et al, I'm with you on this one.

Anyfucker's outlook seems to be textbook misandry... Women behaving badly have her sympathy. Men behaving half as badly are castigated. It's a perversion of feminism that can only harm women.

Why the viciousness towards one poster? She wasn't the only person with that, or similar, opinion on the original post.

Anyfucker's outlook seems to be textbook misandry. Tbh I sometimes think this about AF's posts but not in this case.

Duck90

No other poster on this thread has the same blatant double standards and is seemingly proud of her 'love women - hate men' rhetoric.

derxa

Read in isolation then perhaps, but in conjunction with her views on other threads the double standards are gigantic!

Come back to the thread AF

Get back to me when the playing field we are on is completely level.*
*
Until then, I won't engage with that particular nonsense.*

So the misandrist opinions that when it comes to women vs men, women are always in the right

bananabread123

Far to much internal politics for my liking. Its best to stick to the thread rather than taking judgments of a poster.

My 2 pence on the story is, if it was my "best friend" (male or female) I would be sympathetic - as long as it was my "best friend".

No internal politics from me. I don't know or care who AF "is", and have been jaw smacked at victim blaming and double standard attitudes from other posters as well.
No chance if a woman was being persistently sexually harassed would she be told to suck it up and stop whining on here and you know it, surely.
Neither it is a power thing others have suggested - men more likely to be bigger and stronger and so could easily push them off.
By that logic big and tall women "built like a brick shithouse" (as one poster said) being harassed by a slightly built and smaller male is OK then.
That's never going to be OK. Never OK to harass whether you're physically able to overpower them or not.

Does your DP try to keep you in or ask you to prioritise him over your friends usually? Do you friends like him?
I am only asking because some abusive men use the technique of "your friend has made a move on me" to isolate women.

Comeon have you missed the rest of the post that stated this woman was trying to kiss lots of blokes? It wasn't just the dp. I'm not quite sure why you jumped to that conclusion.

Comon, are you serious?? Did you not read that the friend had also launched her self at other men that night?

Oh and I'm still agreeing with navy, strawberry etc. Still no excuses for sexual harassment. End of.

Does your DP try to keep you in or ask you to prioritise him over your friends usually? Do you friends like him?
I am only asking because some abusive men use the technique of "your friend has made a move on me" to isolate women

Have you actually read the thread? The OP had to physically steer her away, and then she immediately attached herself to other men instead.
So she saw with her own eyes.
Anyway, the OP hasn't been back so doubt she'll answer.

strawberry I was referencing the unnecessary need to highlight one poster.

This is s really odd thread. OPs friend was clearly hammered and not in a great place. In OPs position, my concern would have been for the friend. Irrespective of whether they were male or female. Not for a wilting lettuce of s DP/BF who made something out of nothing.