BEST FRIEND TRIED IT WITH BOYFRIEND

[lithium3]

So after giving birth to DS 4 months ago I was out this weekend for the first time. I invited my best friend as she was having a rough time with her DP (she has two little boys with him) to come along with me and my DP to later meet up with a few of my other friends.

After a few beers it was clear that she was quite drunk and we headed to the club. I went to the toilet and came down to DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him.. So I moved her then she did the same to all my male friends including one who had a girlfriend which she met earlier that evening. I felt so embarrassed by her, all of them felt so awkward.

In the end she ended up finding a man that actually kissed her back and she stayed with him the remainder of the night until it was 3am and me and DP wanted to go home yet she refused to come with us so we left her with this man.

We have spoke since but she hasn't mentioned anything about it, she apologised to me and DP for 'being a dick' over text.

DP absolutely adored this girl before all this and loved her two little boys but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that. I agree with him but I really don't know how to address the situation, in my mind I'm just putting it down to her being so drunk she didn't know what she was doing but then another part of me thinks that she did know.

I don't know what to do, she is my best friend that I turn to for everything. How should I address it? Am I being too laid back? Just need an outsiders opinion..

(and it's her own fault for drinking so much, but still)
Just.... wow.
You seriously can't see how you are coming across as saying she's a victim but it's her own fault for drinking too much?! [shocked]

Shame AnyFucker disappeared after being called out, once again. Vile posts, twisted around her narrow, assume-the-worst-of-every-man worldview. What a sad, sad way to live your life.

I don't really get what you're saying StrawberryLime?

Only quoting to explain my points without scrolling backwards and forwards (just to be clear, not becoming annoyed with anyone, just putting my points to it across!)
IMO the woman IS the victim here too
So she's being excused for her behaviour as she's made herself a victim by drinking too much?

I doubt the men she tried it on with are seriously psychologically scarred

but the man victim being harassed it's OK as it's hardly like he's going to have been psychologically scarred?

By this way of thinking BOTH parties are victims surely, so why is one party's feelings minimised and the other one excused and explained away?

beefthief, perhaps AnyFucker is busy? Some of us are, just dipping in and out here. I agree with her posts here and quite a few do also. She wasn't 'called out' (when did that awful phrase get adopted?), she disagreed. HTH

Send her a PM if you think she's run off...

I agree - the woman and all the men who she targeted unwanted approaches at are victims. She's made herself a victim by drinking too much and having impaired judgement, and as such has embarrassed herself, potentially ruined new and old friendships, and jeopardised her relationship with her partner.

The men are victims because they've had a drunk woman try to kiss them, in at least one case repeatedly, and have probably had an uncomfortable evening as a result of it, and in OP's DP's case, are now feeling awkward and unhappy about it changing their previous friendship. I haven't RTFT so I don't know how aggressive the woman was in her pursuits but I imagine most of us have had someone inappropriate drunkenly try to kiss us, and usually a 'NOOOO' and moving away is sufficient - I wouldn't have deemed that as harassment, unless it was repeated or came alongside groping or something?

but I imagine most of us have had someone inappropriate drunkenly try to kiss us, and usually a 'NOOOO' and moving away is sufficient

The OP's friend carried on trying it on (note the told repeatedly bit). Only stopped when OP came out of the toilets, had it brought to her attention and was steered away by her - to which she moved onto others instead.
Not stopping when you're told no is definitely harrassment.

Completely agree with Navy on this thread

I wouldn't have deemed that as harassment, unless it was repeated or came alongside groping or something?

from OP DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him..

But doesn't really matter if I or anyone else on this thread deem it harassment or not

but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that.

OP DP want her to talk to the friend and make it clear it's not acceptable to him .

So either OP does that and possibly tacks on a "what's going on with you are you alright" - or doesn't ignoring her DP wishes and risking possible repeat of the behavior or deals with background concern of her and her DP that it wasn't a one off.

StrawberryLime I agree the woman acted inappropriately and harassed OP's DP, and made other men feel awkward. Still don't think it's right that OP and their whole group then watched the mate drunkenly make a fool of herself all night, despite actively feeling embarrassed by her, and then left her with a (random?) man.

Still don't think it's right that OP and their whole group then watched the mate drunkenly make a fool of herself all night, despite actively feeling embarrassed by her
Sorry, but she's a grown adult. How are they expected to make her behave? She's responsible for her own actions in that respect.
After a few, is she really going to listen to her friends if they tell her she's making a fool of herself and it's time to go home? Not necessarily. She's just as likely to think "poo you" and down another sambuca. like I probably would
As has been said before, you can't forcibly make someone leave and go home.
Ringing up her partner as the solution as mentioned earlier sounds to me a bit like "come and sort your woman out, she needs to go home now and not listening to us."
She's a grown up.

I guess we'll have to disagree!

Even if I saw a woman who was a complete stranger who was wasted and bouncing from one man to another in a club, seemingly without her friends, I'd check she was okay.

You're right that it's hard to get drunk people to agree when they've had enough, but equally, they're usually quite easy to trick, ie 'let's get some food,' 'dance with me to this song,' 'I am going home now and you have to get a taxi with me because X reason.' If all fails, bouncers are usually very happy to assist with getting drunk people into taxis home.

I can see why OP (probably also drunk, and annoyed with her) didn't want to take responsibility for her friend, but given that it sounds like the woman didn't know the other people there and was a complete state, I think that would have been the right thing to do.

She's a grown-up, but she's also OP's best friend who's in a bad way.

Blimey user going up to a drunk out of control total stranger to point out the error of their ways could get you punched.

Still I agree with a group who seem close that they should have tried hard to get a drunk and obviously vulnerable idiot home safely and de brief her behaviour later.

It's tricky because when do you step in? What if the drunk mate gets shitty because you are trying to 'ruin her fun'? I would have stepped in earlier on, but that's because experience tells me this is the best thing to do. And do it subtly, like user suggested with the 'lets go and get some food' or something and just get her home. I guess part of the problem is if you're on a night out, you don't want to go either straight away. It's not black and white.

at AF, yet not surprised

I've kind of skimmed this thread so probably shouldn't comment. But any friend, male or female/straight or gay, I saw behaving like this I would hope that I'd be able to step in - on my own or with other friends - to help them out.

It's destructive behaviour - and you would want to get them in a taxi home or to a chip shop to mop up some of the alcohol.

I've been p*ssed and behaved really inappropriately and still go hot and cold thinking of those times. I needed a mate to put me in a taxi...

It's women like your friend that give women a bad name.

Lots of women are struggling with things and are unhappy, it doesn't mean their default setting is to go round trying to cope of with random men.
She sounds a bit pathetic.

Who knows whether she's in a good place.

That's a poor excuse and absolves the person from taking personal responsibility for their actions.

Seems the OP isn't coming back for our wisdom

What get's me is all this concern for the drunk friend, the instigator of the aggro yet the op, mum to a new baby and enjoying her first night out since childbirth has to police her best friend after repeated attempts at kissing her own DP.

That is no friend, let me assure you all.