OW contacting DH

[DillyDingDillyDong]

I posted a short while ago about DH sleeping with another woman years ago. It was resolved and almost forgotten about but then my company hired her and I have been working with her.

Recently I have had a bit of a rubbish time. I had a miscarriage, a couple of family bereavements, a fall out with a friend and DS has just had a huge operation which has brought a whole load of new problems with family.

Anyway, I have needed to be off work for a while. I'm a nursery manager and ow manages another nursery in the company but we're paired together for various reasons. She has been coming in to my setting to help out with the management side of things although my deputy and third in charge have most of it handled. I left DH's number on a post it on my desk saying to call him if it was an emergency and they couldn't get me.

DH's phone went off this morning while he was in the shower. I shouted through to him and he asked me to check it in case it was work. It was an unsaved number and the text said "Hope everything is ok with you guys. Sorry for what I sent on Friday, I was a bit drunk and stupid." I went in to the bathroom and told him and asked who it was. He then turned the water off and got out looking very serious and he said that he was sorry and didn't want me to find out yet. So I got a bit panicky and thought the worst. I hadn't opened the phone I'd just seen the message on the locked screen so at this point I did. I went to the messages and there wasn't one there from Friday but a few from last week.

The first said "Hi, hope you don't mind me texting you. Just wanted to check on DS and send you all my love." DH replied saying thanks, gave an update on DS and asked who it was. The reply came saying it was OW. DH then replied saying he wasn't too sure how she got his number and appreciated the nice ,message but would prefer it if she didn't contact him again.

She replied again saying it was on the post it and she felt like she couldn't resist texting, and that she was divorcing her husband having a really rough time and it was a moment of madness. She apologised and said she realised it was stupid but she could use a friendly face. DH replied again saying he was sorry to hear it but we had our own stuff going on and how unfair she's being to me who has handled our recent work situation so well. He said that he didn't want to upset me with so much going on and asked her again to not contact him.

There was nothing for a couple of days and then she text on Thursday saying she was sorry for contacting him in the first place and now she can't stop thinking about him and all these feelings were resurfacing. He didn't reply and she sent another one saying his stupid she is. He didn't reply and she said she gets the message and that I'm so lucky to have him.

DH has just told me that she text again on Friday night saying she missed him and wishes they would have had a chance of being together and she still thinks about him and the night they were together. He deleted it straight away and said you could tell she had been drinking because of the way it was typed and some of the words were spelt wrong. He didn't tell me because we've had so much stuff to deal with and he wanted to wait but admitted he wasn't sure if he was ever actually going to say anything because of the implications with work and it bringing up old feelings and memories for me.

I believe DH and understand why he didn't tell me. I don't know what to do about OW. She's clearly having a rough time but so am I and it doesn't give her the right to try and start things up with my husband especially after I've been so nice to her. Should I contact her or just leave it to DH to ignore her? I know some of you might think I should be suspicious that he deleted the text from Friday but I honestly believe him. We've come a very long way since this happened and he's a completely different person to who he was then, and so am I. And I know circumstances last time were different as we were fighting and probably going to break up but now are so strong and have DS.

I don't even know if I'm angry or upset or anything else because I've felt a million and one things over this past month! I'm just sat in the bath hoping for some good advice off mumsnet!

[GratedCarrotStick]

Dilly I wouldn't be surprised if ow makes contact again to "apologise".

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Superfly, I've reported the troll hunting as well, it's beyond.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Lying well Nicki seeks to think it was ok!

Anyway I was on the other thread but even if not I believed this one. Sad when others pile in with unfounded accusations.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

It is, SuperFly, I've been accused of being a troll a while ago, I've never name-changed and have been here ages and it's awful. It's one thing not to believe a poster but all you have to do is report and just not post. The posters backing each other up in their troll-hunting are just arseholes and I hope MNHQ zaps them quickly.

[EweAreHere]

Yikes! What a day.

I'd file a complaint with the police, too, just in case to get it on record if that's a possibility.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Nicki is an MN stalwart though Lying she'll prob get a rap on the wrist.... And then come back to accuse me of calling her an MN stalwart!

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Or perhaps 'wart' for short?

I don't recognise her or most of the posters on the thread. I must just have a shocking memory.

[OnionKnight]

I don't recognise Nicki either but I will in future because she's made a tit of herself in this thread.

[beccabanana]

I've read the whole thread and just wanted to say how incredibly well you've handled this OP. Far more dignified than I could have ever done so and I hope you realise whatever happens to OW next is a consequence of HER actions. Don't feel bad for her one bit. Wishing you and your man all the best for the future X

[wheresthewine36]

I would text her from your husbands phone. Tell her it's you and that you thought she should know that you and your husband don't have secrets anymore so he showed you all of the texts. Tell her you're sorry that she is so lonely she has to resort to texting a married man for attention but you feel she has crossed a line and will be speaking to HR/Management as working alongside you is obviously too difficult for her to manage alongside her obsession with your husband.
Horrible bitch. You shouldn't feel at all sorry for her, she KNOWS you are having a shit time of it, sniffed out what she thought could possibly be a weak time in your marriage and jumped at the chance to stab you in the back. What she did before was bad enough but at least she didn't know you then, this is a huge betrayal, especially after you have been so professional and compassionate. At the very least, there needs to be a re-jig at work so you don't have to deal with her.
Sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else.x

[wheresthewine36]

Ah. Didn't RTFT. That'll learn me

[Discobabe]

DoinItFine

She's less a standard OW than someone her now husband slept with years ago when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend and were on the verrge of breaking up.

She was someone op partner of two years went out and shagged, after messaging for mths beforehand, after op said they needed a serious talk about their relationship. In the lala land of other women and deluded partners having affairs, I'm sure it doesn't count as being 'proper' ow or a 'proper' betrayal. Over in the real world, she is, very obviously, an ow.

[Memoires]

I'm glad your employers have done right by you, and I really hope that's the end of all the bad things you've been coping with, that this presages things going up!

I do feel sorry for ow a bit; I hope that this has shocked her into getting help, she's clearly not coping well with life atm.

Hope your recovery continues apace, Dilly

[LadyAEIOU]

Glad things are sorted OP. I wouldn't contact the OW yourself given you used to/ do work together. Don't get DH to ontact her either. Change DH number and move on. You don't want to open to door to OW talking to you.

[LowDudgeon]

Discobabe, are you trying to help, dear?

(Hint - you aren't)

[Scarydinosaurs]

I'm very pleased that you've had a resolution and fervently wish for you that she now leaves you alone. You would hope the shame and embarrassment would mean you would never hear from her again.

[ohtheholidays]

Thanks for the update Dilly glad she's left work, bloody awful woman and I hope none of you ever have to deal with her ever again.

Really sorry to hear about your poor DS I hope it wasn't anything to serious and that he's alright now.

[Pigflewpast]

Wow! Just sat and read this whole thread.
dilly I can totally see why reporting it to the police is one thing too many to deal with. If DH doesn't report it I would say keep copies of everything. Keep a written record of times and dates as well. If anything else at all happens keep record too. If she makes contact in any way and you have witnesses record it and ask them to if possible. Also I'm sure your employers will have kept record of everything to cover themselves. With these records the police can add to a future case if you ever need to contact them. Let's hope you never need to. It's also possible they have had other complaints against her as she does sound mad.
Other than that, sorry for your awful situation 💐

[FlowerOfTheValley]

I'm pleased she's left, best outcome all round. I hope you're okay you've had an awful lot to cope with and now all this too. I hope it settles down now and OW stays away.

[shallichangemyname]

She has undoubtedly committed an offence under the Protection from Harassment Act.
Nothing to suggest you are in danger - however, 8 years later this is NOT normal behaviour. And it is escalating.
I do think your DH should report it. The police are very big on this right now and RCP guidance to all forces is to issue an unofficial warning (in the form of a PIN - Poluce Information Notice). This is exactly the sort of situation a PIN is designed for. A PIN is usually a big wake up call for the recipient and is usually enough to stop the harassing behaviour in its tracks (which is what you want). In case it gets worse the PIN will be on the police database which will mean that any further issues are taken more seriously.

[flumpybear]

best outcome in the circumstances Dilly - hope you and your husband can move on now.

[IreallyKNOWiamright]

Keep all the text messages..screen shot them and send them to management.she has crossed boundaries emotionally and professionally. Your dh shouldn't have replied and should have shown you some respect with your current situation.
However it does sound like he is being completely honest with you. He needs to block her number now and then you need to speak to management or hr.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Ireally - please read the thread. OW has been sacked.

[Memoires]

Er, IreallyKNOW, HR have sacked the OW.