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AIBU?

OW contacting DH

514 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 07/11/2016 09:07

I posted a short while ago about DH sleeping with another woman years ago. It was resolved and almost forgotten about but then my company hired her and I have been working with her.

Recently I have had a bit of a rubbish time. I had a miscarriage, a couple of family bereavements, a fall out with a friend and DS has just had a huge operation which has brought a whole load of new problems with family.

Anyway, I have needed to be off work for a while. I'm a nursery manager and ow manages another nursery in the company but we're paired together for various reasons. She has been coming in to my setting to help out with the management side of things although my deputy and third in charge have most of it handled. I left DH's number on a post it on my desk saying to call him if it was an emergency and they couldn't get me.

DH's phone went off this morning while he was in the shower. I shouted through to him and he asked me to check it in case it was work. It was an unsaved number and the text said "Hope everything is ok with you guys. Sorry for what I sent on Friday, I was a bit drunk and stupid." I went in to the bathroom and told him and asked who it was. He then turned the water off and got out looking very serious and he said that he was sorry and didn't want me to find out yet. So I got a bit panicky and thought the worst. I hadn't opened the phone I'd just seen the message on the locked screen so at this point I did. I went to the messages and there wasn't one there from Friday but a few from last week.

The first said "Hi, hope you don't mind me texting you. Just wanted to check on DS and send you all my love." DH replied saying thanks, gave an update on DS and asked who it was. The reply came saying it was OW. DH then replied saying he wasn't too sure how she got his number and appreciated the nice ,message but would prefer it if she didn't contact him again.

She replied again saying it was on the post it and she felt like she couldn't resist texting, and that she was divorcing her husband having a really rough time and it was a moment of madness. She apologised and said she realised it was stupid but she could use a friendly face. DH replied again saying he was sorry to hear it but we had our own stuff going on and how unfair she's being to me who has handled our recent work situation so well. He said that he didn't want to upset me with so much going on and asked her again to not contact him.

There was nothing for a couple of days and then she text on Thursday saying she was sorry for contacting him in the first place and now she can't stop thinking about him and all these feelings were resurfacing. He didn't reply and she sent another one saying his stupid she is. He didn't reply and she said she gets the message and that I'm so lucky to have him.

DH has just told me that she text again on Friday night saying she missed him and wishes they would have had a chance of being together and she still thinks about him and the night they were together. He deleted it straight away and said you could tell she had been drinking because of the way it was typed and some of the words were spelt wrong. He didn't tell me because we've had so much stuff to deal with and he wanted to wait but admitted he wasn't sure if he was ever actually going to say anything because of the implications with work and it bringing up old feelings and memories for me.

I believe DH and understand why he didn't tell me. I don't know what to do about OW. She's clearly having a rough time but so am I and it doesn't give her the right to try and start things up with my husband especially after I've been so nice to her. Should I contact her or just leave it to DH to ignore her? I know some of you might think I should be suspicious that he deleted the text from Friday but I honestly believe him. We've come a very long way since this happened and he's a completely different person to who he was then, and so am I. And I know circumstances last time were different as we were fighting and probably going to break up but now are so strong and have DS.

I don't even know if I'm angry or upset or anything else because I've felt a million and one things over this past month! I'm just sat in the bath hoping for some good advice off mumsnet!

OP posts:
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EatsShitAndLeaves · 10/11/2016 20:58

Good luck Dilly Flowers

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mikeyssister · 10/11/2016 19:14

Good luck in the future Dilly and hope your son continues his recovery.

I hope your life is peaceful and happy from now on.

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AyeAmarok · 10/11/2016 18:44

Dilly it might be worth getting this thread deleted or it might end up it the Daily Mail Sad

Just thinking you wouldn't want this and any previous threads ending up on there.

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CrikeyPeg · 10/11/2016 18:33

All the best Dilly, you've handled this with class and much restraint! The nasty peeps who have been messaging you need to take a long hard look at themselves (there's a joke in there but that's another thread Grin ...)

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EweAreHere · 10/11/2016 17:41

Report the nasty people messaging you.

Good luck, OP.

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SuperFlyHigh · 10/11/2016 14:29

ThirdEye I reported them too - worst of it is one of them is a 'known' MN stalwart. bit of a cow to come out and accuse someone of being a troll even on thread but by PM somehow worse.

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DartmoorDoughnut · 10/11/2016 13:43

Good luck with it all dilly

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Lndnmummy · 10/11/2016 13:04

Wishing you all the best. You really have dealt with this remarkably well. Rooting for you x

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THirdEeye · 10/11/2016 12:52

Why do they do it....Hmm

If you think a poster is a troll, then report it! There really is no need to derail threads or even haress someone via PM.

Good luck dilly and good idea to name change

Flowers

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MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 10/11/2016 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/11/2016 10:22

Jolly good idea, Dilly. Sorry you're being harassed by PM, how rude!

Very glad that work are supporting you though - now I hope you and your DH can get past all this and next year is a better one for both of you xx

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hellsbellsmelons · 10/11/2016 10:21

some nasty ones claiming I am lying
WTF is wrong with people!?
Good luck to you Dilly.
I hope your DS gets well soon and you too.

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ohfourfoxache · 10/11/2016 10:16

Good luck Dilly - I wish you all well and hope your beautiful DS continues to recover well Thanks

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DillyDingDillyDong · 10/11/2016 10:10

Thank you all so much for the advice on this thread, and to those who helped on previous threads.

We have decided to not contact the police but will if any more contact is made. DH is going to change his number though so there's very little chance of her getting in touch. The nurseries have been made aware that she has left and told that under no circumstances is she to be allowed on the premises without an owner or area manager present. I am going in to my nursery today and one of the owners is going to come and see me to fill me in on what's happened and what the plan is from here.

I'm going to namechange now, I have had a couple of messages suggesting I do this as well as some nasty ones claiming I am lying and impersonating somebody else. I'm not doing either of those things but can't be bothered defending myself on every thread in the future!

Thanks again Smile

OP posts:
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Memoires · 09/11/2016 23:03

Er, IreallyKNOW, HR have sacked the OW.

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SuperFlyHigh · 09/11/2016 17:17

Ireally - please read the thread. OW has been sacked.

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IreallyKNOWiamright · 09/11/2016 17:16

Keep all the text messages..screen shot them and send them to management.she has crossed boundaries emotionally and professionally. Your dh shouldn't have replied and should have shown you some respect with your current situation.
However it does sound like he is being completely honest with you. He needs to block her number now and then you need to speak to management or hr. FlowersWine

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flumpybear · 09/11/2016 12:41

best outcome in the circumstances Dilly - hope you and your husband can move on now.

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shallichangemyname · 08/11/2016 20:58

She has undoubtedly committed an offence under the Protection from Harassment Act.
Nothing to suggest you are in danger - however, 8 years later this is NOT normal behaviour. And it is escalating.
I do think your DH should report it. The police are very big on this right now and RCP guidance to all forces is to issue an unofficial warning (in the form of a PIN - Poluce Information Notice). This is exactly the sort of situation a PIN is designed for. A PIN is usually a big wake up call for the recipient and is usually enough to stop the harassing behaviour in its tracks (which is what you want). In case it gets worse the PIN will be on the police database which will mean that any further issues are taken more seriously.

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FlowerOfTheValley · 08/11/2016 20:57

I'm pleased she's left, best outcome all round. I hope you're okay you've had an awful lot to cope with and now all this too. I hope it settles down now and OW stays away.

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Pigflewpast · 08/11/2016 20:31

Wow! Just sat and read this whole thread.
dilly I can totally see why reporting it to the police is one thing too many to deal with. If DH doesn't report it I would say keep copies of everything. Keep a written record of times and dates as well. If anything else at all happens keep record too. If she makes contact in any way and you have witnesses record it and ask them to if possible. Also I'm sure your employers will have kept record of everything to cover themselves. With these records the police can add to a future case if you ever need to contact them. Let's hope you never need to. It's also possible they have had other complaints against her as she does sound mad.
Other than that, sorry for your awful situation 💐

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ohtheholidays · 08/11/2016 20:23

Thanks for the update Dilly glad she's left work, bloody awful woman and I hope none of you ever have to deal with her ever again.

Really sorry to hear about your poor DS I hope it wasn't anything to serious and that he's alright now. Flowers

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Scarydinosaurs · 08/11/2016 20:17

I'm very pleased that you've had a resolution and fervently wish for you that she now leaves you alone. You would hope the shame and embarrassment would mean you would never hear from her again.

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LowDudgeon · 08/11/2016 20:03

Discobabe, are you trying to help, dear?

(Hint - you aren't)

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LadyAEIOU · 08/11/2016 19:05

Glad things are sorted OP. I wouldn't contact the OW yourself given you used to/ do work together. Don't get DH to ontact her either. Change DH number and move on. You don't want to open to door to OW talking to you.

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