OW contacting DH

[DillyDingDillyDong]

I posted a short while ago about DH sleeping with another woman years ago. It was resolved and almost forgotten about but then my company hired her and I have been working with her.

Recently I have had a bit of a rubbish time. I had a miscarriage, a couple of family bereavements, a fall out with a friend and DS has just had a huge operation which has brought a whole load of new problems with family.

Anyway, I have needed to be off work for a while. I'm a nursery manager and ow manages another nursery in the company but we're paired together for various reasons. She has been coming in to my setting to help out with the management side of things although my deputy and third in charge have most of it handled. I left DH's number on a post it on my desk saying to call him if it was an emergency and they couldn't get me.

DH's phone went off this morning while he was in the shower. I shouted through to him and he asked me to check it in case it was work. It was an unsaved number and the text said "Hope everything is ok with you guys. Sorry for what I sent on Friday, I was a bit drunk and stupid." I went in to the bathroom and told him and asked who it was. He then turned the water off and got out looking very serious and he said that he was sorry and didn't want me to find out yet. So I got a bit panicky and thought the worst. I hadn't opened the phone I'd just seen the message on the locked screen so at this point I did. I went to the messages and there wasn't one there from Friday but a few from last week.

The first said "Hi, hope you don't mind me texting you. Just wanted to check on DS and send you all my love." DH replied saying thanks, gave an update on DS and asked who it was. The reply came saying it was OW. DH then replied saying he wasn't too sure how she got his number and appreciated the nice ,message but would prefer it if she didn't contact him again.

She replied again saying it was on the post it and she felt like she couldn't resist texting, and that she was divorcing her husband having a really rough time and it was a moment of madness. She apologised and said she realised it was stupid but she could use a friendly face. DH replied again saying he was sorry to hear it but we had our own stuff going on and how unfair she's being to me who has handled our recent work situation so well. He said that he didn't want to upset me with so much going on and asked her again to not contact him.

There was nothing for a couple of days and then she text on Thursday saying she was sorry for contacting him in the first place and now she can't stop thinking about him and all these feelings were resurfacing. He didn't reply and she sent another one saying his stupid she is. He didn't reply and she said she gets the message and that I'm so lucky to have him.

DH has just told me that she text again on Friday night saying she missed him and wishes they would have had a chance of being together and she still thinks about him and the night they were together. He deleted it straight away and said you could tell she had been drinking because of the way it was typed and some of the words were spelt wrong. He didn't tell me because we've had so much stuff to deal with and he wanted to wait but admitted he wasn't sure if he was ever actually going to say anything because of the implications with work and it bringing up old feelings and memories for me.

I believe DH and understand why he didn't tell me. I don't know what to do about OW. She's clearly having a rough time but so am I and it doesn't give her the right to try and start things up with my husband especially after I've been so nice to her. Should I contact her or just leave it to DH to ignore her? I know some of you might think I should be suspicious that he deleted the text from Friday but I honestly believe him. We've come a very long way since this happened and he's a completely different person to who he was then, and so am I. And I know circumstances last time were different as we were fighting and probably going to break up but now are so strong and have DS.

I don't even know if I'm angry or upset or anything else because I've felt a million and one things over this past month! I'm just sat in the bath hoping for some good advice off mumsnet!

And agree with Nanny too. She planned this

Good god. Just caught up on latest from you op

This woman is deranged. Late night sex calls

And not blocking her means everytime she contact dh she's banging another nail in her coffin - so to speak

Have you heard from the office yet? Hopefully the info from articus (sp) will give you some hope that this woman will be disaplined and hopefully given notice

The OW was blocked. Her originals texts/calls were from her private mobile, which was blocked from what I have read.

Then the latest call was from the work mobile.

My goodness. I remember your first thread OP. You are very dignified.

If she's not forced to leave, she cannot possibly think that her position is tenable can she?

I'd say she's going through a rough time by the sound of it and she's acting in a very reckless way. That's not an excuse or a minimisation. But it could be a reason for why she's behaving so irrationally, and badly.

Goodness op I hope you're ok. As if you didn't have enough on your plate already without this ridiculousness from her

I don't think that she sounds particularly unstable. deranged or dangerous. She is more likely just very predatory and desperate. She probably thinks that OP's DH wouldn't say anything and it hasn't occurred to her that her job could be at risk even if he did. Hopefully, she will resign and OP will have no more problems.

Good grief

The OW is an out & out bunny boiler & very calculating with it too - trying to muscle in again when your family is under major stress in the hope that your DH will crack & repeat his earlier miss-discretion

I even find myself wondering if her being like you & having similar interests As you describe in earlier posts is not also part of a majorly f'ked up bunny boiler attempt to muscle in on your DH & your life

I really hope this works out for you & DH OP & I do hope she is sacked & pronto

I read the other thread too Dilly and I was (and continue to be) amazed at your level-headedness in this whole sorry situation. You are incredible and I'm so happy that your DH now realises just how lucky he is!

I'm absolutely shocked that OW has conducted herself in this manner, and I genuinely would be concerned enough to at least log it with the police. If they can have a word with her about not contacting your DH any further that would be brilliant. I hope you get some peace to recover from everything you've been going through lately.

Atticus OW did not access OP's personal info by any snooping means eg her DH mobile number - it was left out on OP's or her colleagues desk as a contact number in emergencies. OW could argue that she needed to contact OP (through the DH's number as OP has stated her mobile doesn't work (on and off I think?) and has therefore left her DH number with the office) and that this was the only way and means she knew how to do this. Then she could plead remorse for the texts but with a suitable backstory (esp with her divorce) this could swing events to a warning.

She DID however use this number to contact OP's DH and harass him so misused it yes.

I personally think she planned this (said it on other thread) and that she should be fired. If anything this is a word of warning to others, if in a situation like this flag it up, do not trust OW ever (even if in past) and do all you can to ensure OW etc is NOT employed. no olive branch nothing. wonder if OP is kicking herself now for being so trusting and not making a fuss about her getting a job at her workplace.

OMG, that voice mail!

If she's not out of her mind, then she has a serious alcohol problem.

I would doubt that she is getting a divorce considering that the owner said she was talking about getting her husband a present. She may have lied about that so OP's DH would know she was available...
As I said, I don't think she is necessarily deranged or unstable at all. She may just be predatory. I have met people like that before.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I hope today provides a resolution. Anymore contact and I think you would have to apply for a restraining order? If this was a man behaving like this I would completely understand why a woman would feel intimidated, therefore I could see why your husband must be feeling quite shaken up and worried.

Wow! That woman is something else.

I do feel a bit for your DH though, he's ended up in a situation where he can't do right. If he'd blocked her initially, he'd have been denying your work a way of reaching you as a co-worker or as a parent. In an extreme emergency it could well have been the only phone they could have used. And then he's stuck in a telling you could upset you and not telling you upsets you problem.

Hope your work have dealt with it appropriately. I'd be a little concerned if I were them the amount of time she's claiming to be so drunk she's losing the ability to not contact people who don't want to be contacted. Who else may she contact or what else could she say whilst drunk?

I wound strongly recommend logging this with the police at this point.

Not just because it is harassment etc, but because it is important to protect you for the future.

Why? Because as OW is still this obsessed with your DH, as terrifying as it is, it's quite likely that she has deliberately sought that job, knowing full well that you worked there.

This level of obsession is not likely to have just re-emerged out of nowhere because of a chance meeting with you at her new workplace. No. It's much more likely that there has been at the very least the occasional google search on you OP and your DH over the years.

Knowing your first name and DH's last name, and your field of work, it wouldn't take a google genius to keep an eye out for you and your DH over all these years.

I might be wrong but sadly I think it's likely she's deliberately sought to be in this position. And to harass your DH after the tragic mc just like 8 years ago... I sense a predator.

Get it logged with a police please. They'll have some words with her and it should put a stop to it.

Oh and do remember to give a statement to the police. They'll let you write it down. Vey important.

Bloody hell. Lock up your bunny OP, what an unstable, nasty creature she is.

Wow, your latest update is quite incredible.

I agree it's bloody awful but I don't think it's quite at the stage of police involvement.

I'd agree with keeping a written record and all evidence in case it escalates further however - which hopefully it won't when the consequences from a work POV are made apparent.

Definitely this is at the stage for police involvement.

Don't ask how I know, I don't have time to get into details here.

100% this is worthy of police involvement. Give them a call. Ask for advice.

Definite harassment and potential sociopathic stalking going on in here.

The police should take you seriously and I think they will.

Trust me, this is from someone who is not in the habit of calling the police for little reason. This is a valid situation for that.

Sociopathic stalking?

Did I miss an update?

I know she didn't access the information through snooping super. That is irrelevant. The company has a duty to protect information of this nature and employees also have this duty in their capacity as employees of the company. Whether the colleague accessed the information and misused it through it being left out or whether she accessed it and misused it by stealing an HR file, the point is that she accessed it and misused it. It's about the use of the data as much as the method of obtaining it. Had she snooped in the HR file this would have been a further allegation relating to dishonesty and trust.

Her actions potentially amount to gross misconduct. The employer can then take any reasonable sanction which might not be dismissal (but could easily be IMO if they wanted to go down that route).

Sociopathic stalking? Having you been watching channel 5?

I hope works been intouch with you by now Dilly and that they've sorted out everything they're end and that she'll no longer be working there and I hope she leaves you all alone after this.