To Pay £850 for dsd's second accident this year

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Dsd 19 passed her test recently.Took 4 goes to get it. She was bought a car (not new, 09 plate) with money that dh and ex had put by for all kids for uni- but she is doing college and apprenticeship later instead. She doesn't need a car imho as we live in a large commuter village with great links. The deal is, that she has to insure, tax, repair and fuel it.

Day after her test she backed into someone's brand new car. Cosmetic damage to her bumper, other car came off worse. Last week told by her mum not a great idea to drive to this particular shop at rush hour as it's off a major motorway and she would have to negotiate a 5 lane off motorway roundabout. Advice ignored, she went with her friend. We understand possibly panicked and got into the wrong lane, then through a red light and hit the broadside of another car. It's an insurance job. Her excess is £850. She and her friend (and the other driver) were fine, just shaken.

She also had to have a new expensive part fitted (before the accident) her mum paid for -£250.

Cut to last night. Dh asks me what are we going to do about the insurance bill? I say it's her problem as per the agreement. She doesn't have £850...he says. She works pt for a vairy naice supermarket, so she will just have to do extra shifts in the lead up to Xmas, says I.

We agreed to have a chat with her (she usually lives at her mums but popped up. We also wanted to make sure she was ok, too). She comes in and starts on her birthday party plans... dh waffles about focus.....she starts looking at her phone, then doing her nails..and when I actually mention "where are you going to get the £850 to pay for the car?" ....shrug.....

When a plan is put about us paying and her setting up a direct debit for £200 per month ...by doing extra shifts the response is "what about my social life..??!!!"

I was mad..if she had, realising the cost of the repairs, got herself up and made arrangements to work extra shifts to try and make things good I would have been happy to give her the money, shit happens to kids.

Also...

She is going on a very expensive college trip early next year (NY) her gran has given her some of the money and it looks like her mum is lending her the rest.

When she left I was . At the shrug, the loss of social life comment, that she didn't even have the manners to listen when we weren't talking about her birthday.

Dh and I are now at loggerheads. He seems to think we have no choice but to pay for her. I disagree, she can use the bus ect. It does not get repaired until she can pay. To me, there appears no commitment by her to paying it back. In any event, I doubt the renewal will be affordable when it comes next year...

Husband waffling about focus to her...aibu to say focus on this - tough shit..you are an adult and adults have to go without a social life to pay the bills.

If the the insurance company think the cost repairs to the car is more than the value of the car they will write it off. Then the excess will be taken off any money paid out.

Would it be worth asking the police, or community support officer to give her a stern talking to about the potential consequences of poor driving if her attitude doesn't improve?

People have done this when their DCs have been in danger of getting into the wrong crowd and possibly commiting crimes like shoplifting or taking drugs and it's been a welcome wake up call.

I've done quite a lot of driver safety courses at work, that are generally presented by retired traffic officers and at least one of them has mentioned a young driver course that they also do that is very hard hitting to the extent that it has caused cocky young men to throw up or leave the room in tears.

Examples given would be similar to an accident that happened in my village where a young man was a known reckless driver who eventually crashed his car into a tree, killing two of his passengers and leaving himself and the other 2 passengers permanently disabled. He has recently been sentenced to 7 years in prison for causing death by dangerous driving.

I think she should pay it back in instalments. Advanced driving lessons may help, although I think watching some sort of road safety film might do more. I work in insurance claims and can tell you many cases where people have suffered life changing injuries even from low speed accidents. Being a teenager you think you're invincible. She's had 2 minor accidents where no one was hurt, luckily - she needs to understand that was very lucky indeed and it could have been much worse.

Have you shown her what her insurance renewal would be for next year with 2 accidents against her? You may even find some insurers will not cover her, or will charge £3-4k.

A point on the excess - upthread someone asked why it was so much. Its standard young drivers premium, DS is insured on my car and whilst the standard excess is £300, an extra £500 is added as he's under 25.

Also, TP only, or TPFT cover often is no cheaper for young drivers than Comp, on fact some of my quotes were more expensive for TP . Allegedly this is because it suggests higher risk.

I wouldn't want to pay. Your DH needs to treat her like an adult. Ask him if ever had any intention of sticking to the original agreement. This should be a lesson for her about her obligations. If he sets the bar low then she'll live up to it. Honestly my answer might be different if she was at all remorseful or grateful for any help or had a plan in place to pay you back but she just seems to presume you will spend such a large amount of money. Your DH is doing her no favours by not holding her accountable and responsible for the agreement.

I'd let her face the consequences. Presumable the insurance is in her name and paid for by here bank account?

She's an adult, so she can pay it? Surely? They will take her (the ADULT) to court over the money. So she the ADULT can pay it.

Sorry, can I just make it clear.. I am not sure what happened regarding the red light. I have only been told a version by dh** that she was in the wrong lane on the roundabout and panicked - it's one with traffic lights as you go round- not like, say, a crossroads and it was very busy and slow moving. The damage to her car is to the drivers wing and to the other car to the passenger door (dented and scraped) that's what I meant by broadside - she appears to have tried to change lanes and veered into him- the red light may have happened or be a red herring - doors are about the expensive thing to replace, unfortunately. No airbags went off or anything. Police came to find out what the hold up was. If she went through red light dh says she will be pinged on the cameras there, so we will know in time.

*if he

velvet I'm 23, been driving since 17

Highest excess I've ever had on insurance is 150 +300 young drivers until I was 21

She could have killed someone. She still might! If she managed to go into someone at a slow moving section, is she safe changing lane on a motorway or dual carriageway? I suspect most new drivers have little scrapes and prangs (I certainly had a couple of car park incidents - which I paid for and was mortified by) but she sounds as though she just doesn't care.

I wouldn't pay a penny.

Actually, I think an advanced driving course would be an excellent idea before she is allowed on the roads again... I was more responsible when I learnt to drive at ten!! (On farm in Oz). All through high school, we had car safety drummed into us, with paramedics and police coming to talk to us, often in graphic detail of what could happen...

i'd be fucking furious. she's not taking this very seriously is she?!?! i think she should pay all bills and take a driver awareness course.

YANBU, If you have already told her that she is responsible for insurance tax, repair etc then I don't think anything else needs to be said. I think that by asking how she will pay the £850 or offering solutions you are giving the impression that you will help her sort everything out. She is an adult now and needs to decide for herself if/how she will get her car fixed. If she can't afford it she needs to approach you and discuss loans/repayments rather than you approach her. It sounds as if she is quite immature and not a good driver so it perhaps won't be a bad thing if she prioritises her social life and uses public transport for a while.

OP, does she have any eyesight problems? Astigmatism, issues with a lazy eye?

I ask because I've got a lazy eye and it gives me huge issues with 3D vision - effectively my eyes have decided one eye is doing all the work. I'm fine in motorways and such because it's easier to give enough leeway there to play it safe. However parking is a nightmare and with busy roundabouts/junctions I'll sit longer than most people to wait for a good gap because I know I can't trust my perception entirely where distance + speed are concerned. A busy slow-moving roundabout would be a nightmare.

(There's no easy fix or excuse for this however, it's just learning that in some situations you have to be a lot more careful than most people or avoid them altogether. I'm only mentioning it because accidents at low speed/scrapes do not necessarily mean that there's a higher likelyhood of accidents at high speed/killing someone. However if she did in fact run a red light all this goes out the window.)

Entitled brat. First accident was silly and should have been a warning, As teh lesson was not heeded I'd be saying ..... welcome to real life, every action has consequence, it seems YOU (dsd) have a financial challenge YOU need to setp up to so sell car / possessions / whatever.

Re your original question: she should pay.

However if neither you nor her Mum are prepared to get in the car with her she shouldn't be on the road. Her parents have a duty to her friends and the general public to not allow this to continue.

She's going to kill herself and one of her friends.

Gah - awful typing....

Entitled brat. First accident was silly and should have been a warning, As the lesson was not heeded I'd be saying ..... welcome to real life, every action has consequence, it seems YOU (dsd) have a financial challenge YOU need to setp up to, so sell car / possessions / whatever.

She needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions.

I am afraid to say that her dad, mum and grandmother have contributed to her overall sense of entitlement, they have enabled the snowflake to her detriment as well.

I would not pay any of this £850 at all but get her and her car off the road instead. Even though she has passed her test she is still very inexperienced and needs more tuition particularly before setting off with a friend.

Don't pay it. Maybe if she realises the impact her careless attitude is going to have on her social life she may start taking more care with her driving.

Stuff like this is why I definitely want to keep separate finances from my DP. DSS is only just approaching teenagerdom, so it hasn't been a real issue yet, but I really don't want to fall into the wicked stepmother trap of not agreeing with DH on how much DSS should be helped out financially. I'd rather stay out of it...

But FWIW I definitely think YANBU and I hope your DSD learns a few valuable lessons about taking responsibility for herself pretty sharpish!

I'd put the ball in her court. When she says 'What about my social life?' I'd respond, 'Well you need to decide which is more important to you - the social life or the car - because it doesn't look as though you'll be able to afford both for while'.

This sort of thing is exactly why young driver premiums are so high! Young person showing off and loses control taking out other expensive cars in the processs

Her own mother wont go in the car with her, yet pays to keep her on the road?!

Sounds like she passed her test by sheer fluke and by not paying you would be doing the rest of us a favour as you would be keeping her off the road.

Rather than showing her next years premiums, I suggest you show your DH. When he sees the premiums that she will doubtless be unable to afford, a long with the much higher excesses, he may have a rethink.

*a while

Agree that she needs to either pay herself or no longer have a car.

Went through a red light and broadsided another car? Shes a fucking danger. Do not pay the excess, for the sale of other road users.

The number of times it took her to pass her test is neither here nor there. I know many excellent drivers who took several goes to pass their test and I know several dreadful divers who passed first time.

However, she is clearly a liability on the road. Two collisions (not accidents, as they were preventable and she was at fault) in a matter of months? When driving a car you are in charge of 1.5 or more tonnes of lethal machinery and she needs to respect the dangers associated with that before she kills someone by causing yet another road traffic collision.