To Pay £850 for dsd's second accident this year

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Dsd 19 passed her test recently.Took 4 goes to get it. She was bought a car (not new, 09 plate) with money that dh and ex had put by for all kids for uni- but she is doing college and apprenticeship later instead. She doesn't need a car imho as we live in a large commuter village with great links. The deal is, that she has to insure, tax, repair and fuel it.

Day after her test she backed into someone's brand new car. Cosmetic damage to her bumper, other car came off worse. Last week told by her mum not a great idea to drive to this particular shop at rush hour as it's off a major motorway and she would have to negotiate a 5 lane off motorway roundabout. Advice ignored, she went with her friend. We understand possibly panicked and got into the wrong lane, then through a red light and hit the broadside of another car. It's an insurance job. Her excess is £850. She and her friend (and the other driver) were fine, just shaken.

She also had to have a new expensive part fitted (before the accident) her mum paid for -£250.

Cut to last night. Dh asks me what are we going to do about the insurance bill? I say it's her problem as per the agreement. She doesn't have £850...he says. She works pt for a vairy naice supermarket, so she will just have to do extra shifts in the lead up to Xmas, says I.

We agreed to have a chat with her (she usually lives at her mums but popped up. We also wanted to make sure she was ok, too). She comes in and starts on her birthday party plans... dh waffles about focus.....she starts looking at her phone, then doing her nails..and when I actually mention "where are you going to get the £850 to pay for the car?" ....shrug.....

When a plan is put about us paying and her setting up a direct debit for £200 per month ...by doing extra shifts the response is "what about my social life..??!!!"

I was mad..if she had, realising the cost of the repairs, got herself up and made arrangements to work extra shifts to try and make things good I would have been happy to give her the money, shit happens to kids.

Also...

She is going on a very expensive college trip early next year (NY) her gran has given her some of the money and it looks like her mum is lending her the rest.

When she left I was . At the shrug, the loss of social life comment, that she didn't even have the manners to listen when we weren't talking about her birthday.

Dh and I are now at loggerheads. He seems to think we have no choice but to pay for her. I disagree, she can use the bus ect. It does not get repaired until she can pay. To me, there appears no commitment by her to paying it back. In any event, I doubt the renewal will be affordable when it comes next year...

Husband waffling about focus to her...aibu to say focus on this - tough shit..you are an adult and adults have to go without a social life to pay the bills.

It won't be herself she kills, it never bloody is! It will be the poor old soul shuffling along the pavement to the shops or a parent driving their kids to school.

Get the silly child off the road, sell the car and let her take the bus to her naice job.

1. Sell the car
2. Pay for her but make her pay it back

OP I do sympathise, she does need to grow up. I am amazed at how blase some kids are about car accidents. My hairdresser passed her test this year, she is lovely, a year or two older than your DSD but still young. I asked how her test had gone as she had been about to take it the last time I had my hair done. So she tells me about passing her test, getting her first car and the accident she had the following day, and the one she had a week later, another one and then the one the previous weekend. None of them were very serious, damage only with no injuries but I was gob smacked.

I've been driving for over 40 years and never had an accident on the road, there was that one time I misjudged a wall in a car park but will just gloss over that one. I would feel mortified if I hit another car.

She drove through a red light and hit another car? Get her off the bloody road

Were the police involved? Is she going to be charged for going through a red light?

If the agreement is she pays for the running of the car then she pays. Insurance excesses are part of running the car. By all means lend her the money but it must be paid back.

Quite often the excesses are high to make the premium lower. Is this why it is so high?

Thanks all. I had diverted the thread from her bad driving, which could be a whole new topic!! All you have said I have already said. In fact, when dh was leaving work to rescue her at the side of the road - my first (unsympathetic) words were.. "she shouldn't be on the road". The police rocked up as a major road was blocked in rush hour, so it's watch this space.

I think law is now that courts will disqualify if 6 points or more (I think, within 2 years of passing test). Only a criminal court can disqualify you from driving.

Her driving. She took 4 times to pass her test. First test she panicked and stalled the car three times and the tester had to get out and help her! She had the first prang the day after she passed. She has been driving 6 months. The accidents happen typically when she has a friend with her. Bravado then panic.

I will not go in a car with her, neither will her mum and I very much suspect that her soon her friends will say it's not worth the risk.

Bottom line is, as I pointed out I am not her parent but as so many of you have said, she is being ruined by her mum and dad. The idea of advanced lessons for Xmas is great I may suggest to DH that he and exw give them jointly (I suspect she will be up for this). The car can't really be sold economically as it is, the repairs will either have to wait or be done.

I know Sp get a bad press and sometimes deservedly. But I am the only sane (for which, read objective) one in this situation... mwahhhahaha haaa.

I'm actually usually on the side of the stepchildren, having suffered at the hands of a horrible stepmother myself - but you really do sound the only sane one in this situation! It makes me feel quite sick knowing there's such a silly young person on the road. Is she not terrified of driving now? I certainly would have been in her shoes, and it worries me that it doesn't seem to have fazed her that much.

The agreement was in place for a reason and I think you'd be absolute mugs to go back on it, especially given all this is from her seriously dangerous driving. It's her fault.

Don't fix the car, get her more driving lessons. Can you agree between you all that she needs to get her pass plus? If that's what it's still called? And if she does, you will go halves with her on the repairs? I believe that also reduces insurance.

Makes me feel better about my driving, but then I was 37 when I passed, after 5 attempts, and I didn't drive on my own until a year later.
Have you thought of Pass Plus lessons, these involve motorway driving.

Were the police involved? Is she going to be charged for going through a red light

If there were no cameras at the lights or witnessed by police, can't really be proved can it?

Keys off her now before she kills. Sell the car.

She is far too irresponsible for the privilege of driving.

If that was my child they would not be driving a car again until they had had a lot more lessons, including motorway driving.

Backing into a parked car - easily done.
The second accident was bloody dangerous though.

As to paying the excess, leaving aside the fact that she is not fit to drive, I probably would pay it and make her pay me back with interest.

The accident only happened last week, so the insurance companies etc will still be arguing about it. Presumably the driver she hit and any other witnesses will be giving statements that the OPs DSD went through a red light as the cause of the accident.

Whether or not this can lead to her getting points for this offence, or if this can only happen if caught on camera or witnessed by a police office, I do not know, but I witnessed an accident nearly six months ago that is still not fully resolved. I know this because an investigator from one of the insurance companies visited me a couple of weeks ago to take yet another statement because the 2 drivers involved are giving wildly conflicting statements about what happened.

I know the money's the thing being discussed here, but has she had a serious guilt trip laid on her about the effect her selfish driving's has had on other REAL PEOPLE? Confidence on the road is important but it doesn't sound as if she's recognising what a danger she is.

Being broadsided by a car charging through a red light is enough to scare some drivers off the road completely. I'm a confident driver of 15 yrs standing but that would take some getting over. My godmother had an inexperienced young driver crash into her and she never got behind the wheel again, which really limited her options as an older person. What if there'd been children in the back seat? Just because thankfully no one was harmed this time doesn't mean she should shrug it off - she was incredibly lucky.

If there were no cameras at the lights or witnessed by police, can't really be proved can it?

Depends on what other witnesses there are and what physical evidence.

Of course. I'm not defending jumping lights by the way, just saying the likelihood of her getting points if it wasn't seen/ caught on camera is probably slim

I agree with you OP.
No way would my parents have paid for this when I was 19. I was on my own, financially, from 18. She needs to learn and she won't learn if the consequences of her actions (even if was an accident!) don't affect her.
If she doesn't want to pay for repairs, extra insurance then she loses the car.
If she doesn't want to lose the car then she'll have to work more and party less.

That's what I was wondering, TheCats.

The fact that this serious accident she caused hasn't caused serious injury through sheer luck should be the focus of next steps.

She should count her 850 blessings and pay the excess she has used to lower her premiums without complaint.

It boggles my mind that she, or any proper adults who care for her, are worrying about her social life when it comes to the impact this has on her.

Def nbu.

I went into the back of a car (brand new Audi no less) no damage but driver insisted on getting a new bumper. Of course he was pocketing the money as I stupidly said I was on my mums insuranc with 20 YNC.

My mum had no other option other than Pay the £700. But..I paid back every single penny at the age of 18 and went on my own insurance after that!

Shit happens and she should definitely pay the bill.

And to those saying it's not up to op, seriously!? Assuming family money is pooled then it is up to her as it's her money too.

That would be true if she had gone through on red with no incident, Mozfan.

As the police were called out to the scene of the collision, there will be a lot more evidence of what haopened.

Depending on how much the 3rd party claim is for and whether the driver of the other car puts in a personal injury claim, there might even be loss adjusters involved.

This is not not like going through a bit late when you probably should have stopped, but no harm done. There was a collision, so there is lots of other evidence. And it will he looked at.

She's an adult, she pays. No way would I pay out when it's her fault. She needs to learn, and to learn to drive as well!

I think that the solution will be taken out of your hands if I'm honest. I'd be surprised if she isn't reported for careless driving - if witnesses say that she ran a red light, then there's enough evidence to consider reporting for summons. The summons needs to be issued within 6 months, so there's some time yet for her to find that out.
Likelihood is that she'll get 6+ points for that, and be licenceless until she passes her test again.
FWIW, I wouldn't be paying for the excess - UNLESS she also agreed to take further lessons - PassPlus etc.

I agree with you completely. It isn't going to help her in the long run, she has a job and she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet (within reason).

As much as I would probably want to bail out my own child in this situation, I'd like to think I wouldn't, especially if they were as entitled as it sounds your DSD is. DP has two children from a previous marriage and I'm dreading things like this as he just gives them whatever they ask for and even encourages them to want expensive things we can't even afford to buy, so know he would want to pay it like your DH.

My mum had no other option other than Pay the £700.

Yes she did.

She should have put it through her insurance.

I saw someone off with a claim like this before.

"Oh no, just give me the money, it's not an insurance job"
"I'll be the judge of that. I want my insurance company involved. They are expecting to hear from you."
Funnily enough, theu never did.

You can often arrange to pay back a small claim to your insurance company to maintain you NCB. For any claim higher than your excess, this is worth doing.

It took me four times to pass my driving test, too. My driving was very good, I just get extremely nervous and would make a stupid mistake. However, in my 8/9 years of driving I've never caused an accident (touch wood)!

It sounds like your dsd is a complete danger on the road. She could have cause serious injury and doesn't seem to have even given a thought about this.

And no, you absolutely should not be paying for this. Her mistake, her mess. If she was contrite about the damage she had caused, the money she has pissed away and her general disregard for other people's lives then maybe showing some sympathy would be nice, but imo offering half the money would be the maximum I'd offer in this instance anyway.

She should be grateful for what she's already been given. I'm 30 and me and DH share a car. A 52 reg car. And we're fine with this. We appreciate that in order for one of us to stay home with the kids (which makes the most sense to our situation at the moment, not at all judging when both parents work-would if I could afford to) that we have to make sacrifices and we can't have the best of everything. It sounds like your dsd expects things without putting the work in, and where will that end. Either you, your husband and her DM will be footing her bills forever or there will come a point where you have to cut her off, and that needs to be sooner or later before you piss all of your money away.

Also, as previous posters have said, if her excess is already £850 (which is eyewatering, mine was only £250 when I was 18 and still learning!) then there's absolutely no way she'll be able to afford the renewal. And I assume you're not going to pay for that, so she'll have to get rid of the car anyway.