To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

Sorry don't agree with op my friend is a childminder and she has a little girl who cries all fucking day it's a nightmare and she has actually lost two children because of this as one of the other children was actually getting anxiety because the child was so distressed all day and because of my friends lack of ability to do anything much on the days when she has the said child because she wails the whole day the other left

The cause is she wants to stay with mum they have tried everything

Wow! I think you've had a lucky escape, she sounds like a shockingly bad CM. Pay no attention, he sounds like a perfectly lovely 6 month old. Maybe look for a nursery instead

She needs to be reported to Ofsted as she shouldn't be caring for children. I used to be an early years teacher and a very good one. If I were to become a childminder I would not take children under 2 because I am crap with babies, even my own! Once they hit 2 I'm good. It sounds like this CM needs to know her limitations.

Its best that she said now.

"I understand whatva retainer is for.

It is to protect the retained should their services no longer be required"

No, that's a deposit.

A retainer compensates for loss of earnings while a setting is holding a place open for a client.

Agree with Tanith

I've had a few childminders over the years and my advice to people now is to look for a 'career' childminder - one who has been working as a childminder for a number of years. Unfortunately lots of new parents see it as an option to earn extra money while being at home with their own children - and do it solely for this purpose and not because they actually like kids! I'm guessing your childminder falls into this category and was irritated that the child she is PAID to look after required her attention and meant she had to pay less attention to her own child. I'm aware I'm making huge generalisations but if someone loves kids then chances are they will have evidence of having worked with them before having their own!

Also FWIW I paid a retainer for 4 months and then the childminder announced she was quitting - I never got it back and hadn't even used the services!!

He certainly didn't 'scream the house down' and stopped crying when picked up (was fine after a few minutes to lay down/play with instruments again)

To be fair though you didn't leave him there though did you?

Sounds like he wasn't very happy there. For what it's worth a weeks gap is a huge amount of time for a baby, if you can afford shorter shorter more often baby may settle more easily. She sounds like a dick especially saying he's so difficult blah blah blah
BLAH. ....why didn't she just say he didn't seem to be settling well there. You've paid 150 but had 3.5 days child care..
Child care is about 60 quid a day where I live so I wouldn't have expected a refund. ... I hope you find somewhere lovely for him. If he likes lots of stimulation maybe a nursery where there is always something going on would be good :)

My sister is a registered ofsted childminder and in the whole time she's been childminding not once has she turned away a child for being 'difficult' and also would never take money before actually looking after a child. I find the money part a bit strange?

You paid a retainer so that's non refundable. You say he cried unconsolably for ages but that doesn't mean she wasn't trying to calm him. Itdoesn't sound like he was mistreated or hurt or not looked after. Obviously a three year old screaming shut up in his face is not great but most three year olds wouldn't have the patience for a baby that was crying for ages. Perhaps she felt frazzled and worn down by his crying and couldn't see how she would cope with it in December.
I have used childminders over the years and how DD3s CM coped with her whinging I will never know. She was an angel for me and the spawn of satan for everyone else. She grew out of it though and is now a lovely little girl for everyone.

What do those suggest reporting feel she has done that is reportable?

She couldn't cope with a "difficult"* baby, knew her limitations and told the mother.

There doesn't seem to be any breach of contract, not that that is the concern of OFSTED anyway.

Children were well looked after whilst in her care.

There's no discrimination ( )!

It isn't an ideal situation but she hasn't really done anything wrong. There was someone who said they're a childminder, has autistic children, EAL and other atypical children. Not everyone can do that. Good on them for managing but I'd suggest that they're a minority.

*her opinion is what counts here, not whether the child is difficult or not.

It's not like reporting a crime.

You can just get in contact and express concerns about the kevel of care and the business practices.

The very idea of accepting a retainer for business you went on to decline is ridiculous.

this is really annoying me... the CM is supposed to be caring for a small human being who is upset and crying. Surely she must have a few strategies to use. Perhaps she could nt be arsed and instead let him work himself up into a state. Then a 3 year old screamed....how the hell did it get to that pitch? Why wasnt she holding him, taking him out, soothing him?

My guess is she wants the money. She wants to be with her child and thought baby would be easy option.

I think that it's her business so she should be able to discriminate to an extent.

However, I also think it's shitty.

You can tell she is only motivated by money by the fact that she is holding on to money paid to her in expectation of a service she then refused to supply.

Anyone with any sense of business decorum or reputation management wouldn't do that.

The very idea of accepting a retainer for business you went on to decline is ridiculous

She only kept the money for the time she looked after the child (more or less). She's entitled to decline the business after trialing looking after the child if she wishes. It's better that she does decline it at this stage, if she thinks she'll struggle to look after the baby.

No, sorry.

The "service" she provided was not needed in the absence of an ongoing arrangement.

Far from providing any genuine service to her client, she has wasted her time and set back her need to get her son settled.

If I took money as a retainer and started a long term project during the retention period, and then changed my mind about working for that client, no fucking chance on earth would I attempt to keep the money they paid to retain me.

It is so unprofessional and dishonest.

I would certainly get away with keeping the money. But I would know my reputation for honest and fair dealing woukd be in tatters.

You only pull shit like that if you have no reputation to protect.

How very businesslike, to hold onto money for time looking after a child more or less . Personally, I notice if my bills are only more or less accurate.

It is so unprofessional and dishonest
You only pull shit like that if you have no reputation to protect

Rubbish.

So childminders should never charge for settling in periods? Surely it's normal to charge for this. And it's normal to charge a retainer.

The alternative was for the OP to not pay a retainer, and hope the CM had a space available in December when the OP needed it. And THEN possibly find that her baby wouldn't settle, and she needed to find a different CM in a rush at a very inconvenient time.

She also owes the OP money for the unreturned wipes... She's a stupid, greedy woman with no business sense whatsoever.

If you are going to let a customer down, you should not do it in such a lousy fashion.

Childminders who fail to settle a child shoukd return money paid for a settling in period.

Same as any professional who finds they are not up to the work they have taken on.

If you are going to let a customer down, you should not do it in such a lousy fashion
Well, I do agree with that, the CM has handled it badly. But that doesn't mean she's stupid, greedy or has no business sense. Or that she has to take on a child that she doesn't want to.

Childminders who fail to settle a child shoukd return money paid for a settling in period

Just because YOU think they should, doesn't make it true. I'm sure most CM have their terms in their contract regarding this, and I expect there are many that wouldn't refund for this.