To send thank you cards from my children

[Badgoushk]

...and expect at least an acknowledgment of gifts?

I'm 39 so not terribly old but I wonder if I'm being old fashioned?

Background: I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and whenever they receive gifts I always send a thank you card. I intend to do this until they can write their own. Is this weird? I thought it was standard stuff but we never ever receive cards ourselves from other children/parents. In fact, I would say that 75% of the time, we don't even get a text to say thank you either or even a verbal thank you next time we meet.

AIBU?

'On a side note, I also had frequent unwanted gifts from someone I disliked. A thank you note tended, by return of post, to lead to another unwanted gift (often china or glass objects broken on arrival). I decided to stop the thank you notes and the gifts stopped'

Don't you sound really nice?! Someone takes the time to buy you a gift ;regardless of how bad taste it may be) and that's the way you react. You should still thank the person, but I'm guessing go they are better off without you in their life. Maybe you could have just (wo)manned up a bit and asked them to not by gifts any more.

Not saying thank you is rude.
Someone I used to consider my best friend has recently not said thank you (which she only ever does by text anyway) for the present I got for her son last month. She did however put a generic "X had a lovely birthday today doing blah blah. Thank you to everyone for the cards/ gifts and messages".
To me that's not a thank you to individuals who took the trouble to buy a present and get it there on time... or AIBU here???

I send them from mine sometimes- i think birth presents and a couple of bdays and christmases but i have just done texts a few times too. I am not a fan of the twee ones written as if the 1 yr old has written it themselves. I dont mind a text or fb thankyou though- whatever suits! Also the photo thing is a bit - well outdated i guess- unless that person isnt on social media. I am fairly old but i think times have changed.

My dd has written thank you cards before, but when she hasn't I always send a text to the parent thanking them and make sure I comment on the gift. Hate it when I get a group text.

I've just been buying yet more crappy gifts stuff for numerous parties. I feel like I've stopped making a massive effort for non special friends, as I've rarely had a thanks or comment on what was received.

I think that sending a thank you card/text/whatever should be common courtesy. How difficult is it to say thank you for a present? Seems rude not to say thank you.

We do them. If the dc are too young or just not really up to it, dh photoshops a few pictures of them that year and writes a few words inside the card.

It's really because we're astonished at how kind people are. Aunties who rarely see the dc, always send gifts on their birthdays. I think it's nice for them to recognise who sent the gift and show some gratitude.

I don't see the point . We thank them on arrival for the gift then thank them again as they or we depart . Utter nonsense imo x

I think I'm echoing several others here, but my rule is:

Verbal thank-yous are fine if something is being handed over face to face. I mean, I wouldn't write a thank-you letter in such a situation.

If something is being send over some distance from a relative etc who you rarely see, then it is a nice way to use writing to establish a connection with someone who lives a long way away. And yes, I also send my own thank-you letters in such a situation, for the same reason.

I don't see why kids should get forced to crank out piles of thank-you cards for people in situations where no adult would do so.

YANBU we do thank you cards/ letters. Mainly because it's good manners and I was brought up doing so.
I know it's not the norm these days SO I get vvvvv frustrated when you send a gift and you don't even get a message of thanks. Yes a card/ letter is lovely but any form of thanks be it text etc is better than nothing.

Yanbu

Verbal thankyous are only really ok if the gift is handed over in person and the gift giver gets to see the recipient open it.

We wrote letters as children and I guess we were 'forced' - or rather, expected to. I still do although don't really get more than the odd present to write a thank you for.

I love receiving cards, paintings, etc from friends' DC - it's only a few and always the same few - they go on the fridge for a good 6-12 months. Keep it up OP, for every I-put-it-straight-in-the-bin friend there's one like me who finds it genuinely heartwarming.

I used to send thank you cards but when I started to find it a PITA and delays in sending them were causing guilt and anxiety- about the time I started to expect DDs to write their own- then decided just to email/text. One less thing to do.

I have also never written thank you cards to in laws or my parents as I see them all the time. That's not to say they'd have always been present when the gift was opened, but saying thank you verbally seems enough.

YANBU. We always do thank you cards.
I have been known to write in the voice of DS as well. Maybe it is twee, I don't care, at least we have manners!
If we don't get a thank you for a few years I stop buying for that person/ child. Doesn't have to be a card, an email or FB privste message would suffice but if people can't be bothered to say thank you I'm not spending the effort/ money any longer.
For cards from DS I either like the tiny packs of blank cards from M&S or the printed cards from Phoenix trading- not too much to write!
This year DS has just started reception and can now write his name so will be signing his thank you cards himself.

We send a usually receive thank you cards. It is getting difficult to get my older 2 to write them. They are 13 (next week) and 15. They sent a few what'sapp messages to family further away. At Christmas I'll buy thank you cards and they just sign them. The youngest is 7. He's happy to draw a thank you card still.

I send "thank you" cards from DD (3) and have always sent them myself and love to receive one, but I am never offended by a text or email instead. DD has been invited to quite a few parties recently and only one mum acknowledged the gift, by sending a generic "thank you for coming to X's party and thank you for her lovely gifts" printed card, I thought this was a good compromise when there must have been 30 kids there

I am so crap at this. I find old scraps of paper listing gifts that I really meant to send thank you cards for but somehow never got around to. Not proud but honestly my life is too busy. I do give verbal thanks via a phone call or other photos by email etc. Also made to do it as a child but I don't know... Just run out of time. DH heavily dyslexic, he's never going to do it for me either. Feels like a single handed battle.

Beautiful manners please continue xx

I did cards when mine were tiny, they added their scribbles, now they send cards to grandparents ( who appreciate them) phoned or skyped friends or family or email a personalised message.,the point is to acknowledge the gift in an appropriate way that the sender would appreciate. GM1 happy with a phone call from my DS, GM2(and MIL) tried to insist on a handwritten 'proper' letter from my chronically dyslexic son in response to her 4 word card and birthday cheque....she got one. Once. Four words.and a picture of him holding the cheque! If it is a one off event ..like confirmation or graduation gift, or the gift is significant-( either emotionally or financially..for example inheriting grandpas watch or paying university fees by grandparents, buying of a first car for young adult )certainly I think some form of more formal recognition is polite. For xmas and birthdays a phone call or skype/text is fine. But that's just my internal dialogue.

Not proud but honestly my life is too busy.

Everyone's life is busy. The gift giver's life is busy but they still made time to get and deliver a gift for your children, least you can do is acknowledge it.

If I send gifts and get no reply thankyou it does not bother me, as I assume the recipient has forgotten or not thought to in the chaos of life, it's no biggy. A gift is just that, a gift. I personally send texts or emails or verbal.

Too busy to say thank you? Honestly??

for the love of fuck

Were people less busy 30 years ago?

Yes of course they were less busy 30 years ago! People work longer hours now and there is vastly more homework and expected parental involvement in school.

That said, it's not too hard to make a note when your child is opening presents, or send a quick text, or have them do it, under normal circumstances. When people feel overwhelmed and depressed though even that can be too much. That's why I switched to texts though instead of writing cards, I can get it done immediately and crossed off a mental or actual to do list.

I think sometimes when people are not saying thank you year after year, it is a blessing all round if you stop buying for them. They may feel unable to return the favour and guilty about receiving gifts but are not assertive enough, or worried about offending more, by saying "Please don't buy us anything." They probably feel relieved when the gifts stop coming. It's not a behaviour I'm endorsing or would do myself but that may be the motivation of others.

Personally, I think it would be a positive thing if everyone this Christmas has a review of their present list and ask themselves where they are all really necessary. I'm sure most people could agree with a couple of recipients on their list not to give one another gifts any more. It would reduce the circulation of tat and save energy and resources. Environmentally and personally.

I do give verbal thanks via a phone call or other photos by email etc.

And that is perfectly fine Duchess. It's very thoughtful to send a photo of the recipient playing with or wearing the gift! Or actually speak to them in person. If someone is such a special snowflake that they require a hand-written note by way of thanks then it is probably better that they stop sending them anyway.

I was always brought up to thank people for gifts, I think it's basic good manners and when I have children I will expect them to do the same. I don't believe that how you do it is that important, just thank them in whatever way works for you.