To send thank you cards from my children

[Badgoushk]

...and expect at least an acknowledgment of gifts?

I'm 39 so not terribly old but I wonder if I'm being old fashioned?

Background: I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and whenever they receive gifts I always send a thank you card. I intend to do this until they can write their own. Is this weird? I thought it was standard stuff but we never ever receive cards ourselves from other children/parents. In fact, I would say that 75% of the time, we don't even get a text to say thank you either or even a verbal thank you next time we meet.

AIBU?

Yanbu to expect thanks.
Yabvvvu to expect people to thank you the way you deem fit, even though they consider it immoral to waste resources that way.

YANBU

I did the same with my children, they are in their twenties now and still send texts or make phone people as thank yous.

I have never received an acknowledgement of presents from several children I send presents to. It really annoys me as I don't even know if they've arrived! Its very rude imo.

I do it, or they send a photo or video saying thank you. Hardly anyone thanks me for things though, parents dont seem to encourage it any more.

I agree it's rude not to give some sort thanks and acknowledgement of a gift but yabu to always expect a card. I did them for our wedding, gifts received following dds birth (doubled up as birth "announcements") and her first birthday but then started to question whether they were really necessary or meaningful. At the end of the day, when the gift recipient cannot even write yet, isn't it a little contrived? And once they can write, don't they have enough demands placed on them by school without having to sit down and dutifully write "thank you for my xxx, I love it, I had a great birthday" 20 times. It's a chore as an adult so it's going to be even more so as a child. I'd rather they were enjoying their present and having some quality family time which seems all too precious these days.

I have 2 friends who still send thank you cards from their kids. When I was childless, I'll admit I thought they were quite sweet but now I'm always unsure what to do with it. They usually contain some art work and/or a photo so it seems wrong to bin it then but I have a ton of stuff like that for my own dd now and it's hard enough finding homes for that. So it usually just sits on the mantlepiece for a couple of weeks, then used as a coaster, lost, found, used as scrap paper, before it finally winds up in the recycling. But at least I know they "loved" my gift!

I like my children to do thank you cards after birthdays and Christmas.
To the people who are criticising the 'picture of child no child input' technique: I have three children who all have a birthday in the same week which is 3 weeks after Christmas. Last year my four year old would have had about 35 thank you letters to write over a fortnight..........

DC have always sent thank yous and nowadays they send emails where they can. When they are reluctant I say we will just return the gift if they can't say thank you for it. Whether or not it makes them appreciate the gifts more I've no idea but it is basic manners.

I do get very judgy about DC/ parents who don't acknowledge gifts and often threaten to stop sending them. It's mainly DH's family and he says he was never made to thank people for presents. Not saying thank you for something is the height of bad manners imo and all it needs is an acknowledgement that a gift was sent/ received.

I don't do cards, just write a note for things that you haven't had the opportunity to thank in person for. If you've thanked in person then you don't need a note too - at least I don't

I appreciate and send thank you cards. I think sometimes the "it's bad for the environment" line is a bit of an excuse. I know people who drive gas guzzling 4x4s (in suburbia) and don't bother recycling or composting, who trot out this line, and it rings a little hollow.

gosh, we say thanks in person, or by text or facebook!

we used to say thanks via the family - we'd tell our mothers and they'd pass it on to the grandparents and aunts (only aunts on that side of family, not being sexist!)

thanking is "basicgood manners", thank you notes are culturally specific and increasingly arcane etiquette

Of course I acknowledge the ironic point that it is poor manners of me to point this out to people who don't know the difference, as in the link above... But it is also bloody annoying when people erroneously claim etiquette and manners are the same and that their etiquette is universal "basic" manners.

YANBU at all to expect a thanks, it really is rude when you don't get one. But expecting a card is too much in this day and age, a thankyou by text is just as well meant and far more likely to happen because of its convenience. People can get their child to write it so it still teaches manners. But stop having high expectations about the method used, I don't understand why people like continually being disappointed in others.

Apart from formal things like a wedding, I always thought thank you cards are given to someone who hasn't been given the gift in person, therefore you hadn't had the chance to verbally thank.

I always thank people (or make sure the kids do) but not by written letter unless it's an elderly relative.

I always sent thank you cards for my children when they were little, - if the gift came through the post. If it was physically given to them, there would be a card, or e-mail thank you at least. Manners, maketh Man (and woman!!)

back when I were a lass it wasn't done with cards but with notepaper -

I think it is very rude to not send any acknowledgement/thank you but personally, I don't mind if that 'thank you' is via text or email or card.

I've actually stopped putting time and effort into getting a couple of my niece/nephews presents and just give them money because my brother never acknowledges the presents I gave them at all (and I never had any idea what to get them so would spend ages getting stressed trying to pick out something they would appreciate). My other brother always sends a text thanking me.

In this day and age, where there are numerous ways to communicate with people, I really don't think there is an excuse for not saying 'thank you'. It's just good manners.

I do tend to text most people (or thank them in person). There are a couple of people I do write cards too, one because they are old fashioned and don't like texts etc, and the others because they always do a hand written card for me. I don't think the how is important but I do think that it is important to say thank you.

Same as Grinchy - most definitely send a written thank you card to elderly relatives (and also aunts/uncles). I think elderly people enjoy receiving post. And there's no harm in (older) kids sitting down to write the odd thank you letter. I recycle cards and make my own so it doesn't cost much. I also 'use' up the kids' artwork by 'sharing' it with elderly relatives and including a picture with the card.

I agree that a text or a phone call, or a verbal thank you, is just as appropriate in other situations. Eg if I know someone doesn't appreciate a handwritten card, I won't send them one!

I've sent gifts before overseas and had no acknowledgement whatsoever despite asking the recipient if the gift arrived. That's rude. Takes no time at all to fire off a text or an email. It puts me off spending money buying and then posting something if no one bothers to tell me it arrived or thank me!

YANBU, I was always bought up to do this and have my children do the same, it's polite, takes no time at all, and shows manners and gratitude, plus it's good for your children to learn gratitude. I cannot stand rudeness, Some of my family never say thank you for gifts, even in person when you have physically given them a gift. I gave a family member a gift for her birthday recently for her to take home on her birthday, didn't say thank you at the time, no text on/after her birthday to say thank you, no thank you the next couple of times I saw her, she didn't even acknowledge it. I think it's the height of rudeness! X

Lovely to get a letter, but I'm happy to receive some form of acknowledgement - text, in person, phone call, email etc.

I agree it's rude not to say thank you at all. We've had this several times recently and it does annoy me.

I have never received a thank you card or letter for any gift, even wedding gifts but I do get thank you in person, text or Facebook and to be honest after being forced to write mountains of letters every Boxing Day, even to the people I thanked in person, I am happy not to force another child to do what I had to

Agree with others that it's not BU to expect more people to say Thank You but YABU to expect a card. Any form of thanks verbal, FB post "thanks for coming to dds party and for the lovely presents", texts and phone calls are all great alternatives.
The "sending cards to elderly relatives" is a tricky one. I think if the dcs know the person e.g. it's a grandparent then they will be motivated to write (or phone) but we have received presents for dd from relatives that have never even met her (and she's now a teenager) and expecting dcs to write under those circumstances possibly isn't realistic. Actually I wish these relatives had given a phone number instead of expecting a card as this may have encouraged a more 2 way relationship.

I always do, I tend to do cards, but somtimes it just verbally thank or email etc.

As for receiving thanks, I am not too bothered, I don't buy for people because I want thanks back, so if they thank me or not that's up to them and doesn't impact on me at all, the only time I do want some kind of acknowledgement is when I haven't directly given something to someone, because I want to know they received it. So I am a bit lazy, and husbands family love away and tend to send my presents to my MIL and she gives them to whoever they are for, which is what the entire family do. So I do like to at least know they have got it, not that I doubt my MIL wouldn't do it, but just incase they think I haven't bothered etc.

So I'm brief, so, I wouldn't expect a thank you, but I would sent one, because that's the type of person I am and my mother would expect me to lol.

My children write their own now but I did them for them before they could. We rarely get a thank you full stop never mind a card, maybe one card and a couple of thank you texts and some family members can't even bring themselves to let us know the present has arrived.

YANBU expecting a thank you.

You are however BVVU to be so disingenuous in your OP as clearly you aren't bloody asking if you are 'BU' in sending your fulsome, hand-written thank you notes; you're patently just wanting others to point out how VVU others are in not doing the same

FWIW, I'm with PP's vis a thank you - as long as it's genuine - is sufficient irrespective of the manner in which it is delivered. Not a fan of the 'Personally, I hand crochet my thank you notes with quinoa, as of course will little Sophia and Tarquin once they're weaned, and aren't those that don't just so rude'.