To send thank you cards from my children

[Badgoushk]

...and expect at least an acknowledgment of gifts?

I'm 39 so not terribly old but I wonder if I'm being old fashioned?

Background: I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and whenever they receive gifts I always send a thank you card. I intend to do this until they can write their own. Is this weird? I thought it was standard stuff but we never ever receive cards ourselves from other children/parents. In fact, I would say that 75% of the time, we don't even get a text to say thank you either or even a verbal thank you next time we meet.

AIBU?

Yuck if you hand it over in person you know it's arrived. If you get an email saying thanks for the lego/ picture frame/ gadget / chocolate you know it's arrived... Thanking is always appropriate of course, its just a matter of taste whether you need to write a card which you send in the post.

Thanking is good manners.

Writing thank you letters is not basic good manners it is very culturally specific, and arguably archaic etiquette

Also whole class parties are a dire modern invention - much worse than formal thank you letters going the way of the calling card :o

Incidentally don't thank you letters derive from the era when the post was delivered multiple times per day and a note written in the morning would arrive at lunch time or the same evening if it was sent to the other end of the country. Wonder if the Victorian ladies who wrote thank you letters would still write them today, or would consider text/ email / phone more appropriate as letters take such a long time to arrive (and what if your thank you card gets lost in the post...)

A thank you from the parent when the child is tiny (say under 2) then a thank you from the child when they are old enough to understand (2-3 in person, a bit older if in writing). Don't care about the format, spoken, emailed, texted all fine, but a card is nice. If for grandmas etc I'd do a card though as they love getting them so much.

Yuck - if posting, I would track it or use the 'signed for' service. We usually exchange in person now though.

Thank you notes became a feminist issue for me when I realised I was expected to organise thank you notes for wedding gifts (well ok I did these solo as I was young and naive) and childrens gifts for DH side of the family as well as mine (and blamed if none forthcoming - never once did anyone make this dissatisfaction known to DH , but frequently to me). I am against all traditions which predominantly result in extra work and stress primarily for women (Christmas cards in my mothers generation always spring to mind...she would earnestly strive to get them done, as an expected chore, frequently complaining or bemoaning it, while my father I expect never gave a second thought to whether he should send a Christmas card to anyone). I do always strive to say thanks on person, by phone or text, to my friends and family, or for my own gifts, and encourage the children to do so as well. I do not feel the need to remind DH to do the same for his side, as that is his responsibility.

On a side note, I also had frequent unwanted gifts from someone I disliked. A thank you note tended, by return of post, to lead to another unwanted gift (often china or glass objects broken on arrival). I decided to stop the thank you notes and the gifts stopped. Funnily enough when I visited the persons house they had pinned up on the wall about a dozen thank you notes from my sister in law - nicely passive aggressive move which I ignored.

Yes, absolutely, for gifts and for dinners and for staying at peoples houses. And DH does his half unbidden, so no feminist issue .

We always do but the repeat offenders who NEVER send us one don't get one back anymore. I personally think it's bloody rude not to write a thank you note or card.

Thank you notes became a feminist issue for me I think it's more of a husband issue than anything else!

I make my DC write thank you notes. Most of the kids in their class do too.

I just despair of the manners of the younger generation is it because they are just not taught manners as most of us were or is it just the generational thing? Its not just issues like this but teens who let doors go in peoples faces and other things like that. As LittleLionMansMummy says "We are turning out a generation of grabby, materialistic ingrates".

Probably a mother in law and sister in law issue if I am honest 😏. I do understand why people want acknowledgement though, am just not keen on that having to be a card. A case of its always good manners to give a thank you, always bad manners to expect one I guess.

nightnight 'a feminist issue' this is SO true, it is so often such wifework, and yes, I think it can, as shown on this thread, turn into a competition for women to show how nicely brought up they are. I've never met a guy who sits around agonising over handwritten little cards.

I def send to my friends for birth and wedding presents etc but leave DH to sort his out if he wants to.

Also agree that thanking in person and via text or email is fine for kids - lovely mum hosted great party for whole class the other day - she emailed everyone afterwards and said thanks so much for coming bla bla, and thanks so much for all the lovely gifts, boom, done, I was totally happy with this as it means that later in the year I don't have to write out 25 thank you cards! If everyone did that in his class that would be 675 cards!

Also yy to pp who said Victorian ladies would probably email now too!

We don't do thank you cards here but I always thank everyone who sends gifts via phone call, text, email, whatsapp. We get the odd thank you card but most friends don't bother and will message or Facebook. I agree a thank you should be sent in some form or another!

I think a verbal thank you for people they will see is sufficient, a thank you card for people that have posted something who they won't see. Child's birthday gifts from other parents if there's been a party is generally a thank you on facebook/messenger.

I've had the opposite experience with teenagers, they are usually very polite, say thankyou and hold doors open. They all get tarred with the same brush and it's rubbish.. Old people can be just as rude.

Oh no this thread is making me feel guilty! I do thank you cards generally, my children are 2 and 2 months but o have to admit I haven't finished all the thank you cards for my son's gifts we got when he was born. I did some of them and then a few more people sent gifts and I still haven't done those ones...I will take this as a reminder to get them done and sent!!

Is is quite normal to send cards...

It's pretty standard to send and receive thank you cards here.

I always do thank you cards as well, and get the DC to do them as well. I do roll my eyes when I don't get a thank you of some description, whether a card, phone call or at least a text.

But DH's family overdo it IMO - you are expected to send a formal, written thank you even if you have been given and opened the present in their presence and thanked them at the time.

I stopped buying presents for my friend's kids as I didn't get an acknowldgement, card or note.

Not weird, my 15 and 11 year old dds always send them and when they were too young to, I wrote them on their behalf. Just basic manors no?

It's a nice idea. I send presents in the post and would prefer an acknowledgment it has arrived. Have friends who send thank you cards but am afraid I text or email. Have DD's first school age party soon, might make start writing notes

It's not too much to expect an acknowledgment of some sort - card, text, call, etc. It's good manners.

It's not too much to expect an acknowledgment of some sort - card, text, call, etc.

You'd be surprised by the number of MNers who would disagree with you. People like my SIL for example, and my niece's mum - never an acknowledgement for the presents we sent their children. Even when we were speaking to them on the phone, there was no prompting from the background "Say thank you for your present" or anything. This is the same woman who said as soon as she had her first child that from now on presents would just be for the children, the subtext being she expects presents for her family but is unwilling to buy for our family (me and DH) .

Grrr manners not manors!!