to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

When is the Christmas dinner? Do you really want to pretend everything's fine for a month?

New year, new start. Don't go the meal and get it sorted now before the rot gets worse

Good luck!

Blimey I have read most of the posts. I am shocked at your workplace and how ingrained the bullying is.

I'm a single parent. Worked in the NHS for years and recently left as I was fed up with the hours and always having to work some point over Christmas but because it wasn't two days of work that I would have to work New Years Eve too (loads of other reasons too). I now work in a private company and its 9-5. No way would I treat anyone without children the way you are being treated. No way would I take on a job that meant I had to leave early everyday because of childcare issues.

Their attitude is utterly disgusting and its what gives working mothers a bad reputation. You need to stop backing down. Their childcare is not your issue the same as my childcare is not any of my colleagues issue.

As for the meal no sodding way would I be paying for anyone else children. In the same way I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for my childs' food. You've been a doormat. Stand up to them and they would probably respect you more.

I suspect shes running around after the children at the meal too.

You need to take some of the advice here - or nothing will change.
Practice the conversation with a friend and schedule a meeting with your manager to discuss formal ' policies for Flexi-work going forward'.

I would simply say the informal system will not work anymore; explian that you have previously been the 'go to' person for closing the office, but changes in your life mean you are unable to do that everyday anymore. (The changes are that you are growing a backbone - but it could be caring for someone or a sport or hobby.. it is none of their business). You would like a formal rostered system, with everyone doing one day a week.
You would like it to start ASAP.

Sit quietly and let them try and tell you why it should be always you to do the 4-5pm shift. Rehearse the words: everyday does Not work for me anymore, I can do 2 days but need notice.

If you do not advocate for yourself, no one else will.
So try, then if nothing changes, leave.

Chic take legal advice this week. Taking it doesn't meant acting on it. But it will be good to know what your position is and have IRL support and you can plan properly.

Absolutely 100% do NOT go to that meal. Parents bringing their kids to the Xmas work do?!! That's INSANE.

Is there anything worth staying for at this job, because it sounds fucking shit!!

So as well as covering for them to pick up their kids every day, you're also having to chip in to pay for the kids meals at the Christmas do?! Jesus OP, it gets worse and worse. Entitled doesn't even begin to describe the awful people you work with.

The office runs a flexitime policy, so full timers can still leave at 3:30 (but not before). The time is supposed to be made up, but I know that the time sheets are never checked and my colleagues just adjust them to show a full day.

What gets me is the lying & cheating you've observed.

Absolutely DO go to the Christmas meal - and make a massive point of only paying for what you had. When they inevitably kick off, make a point of telling them that they're forever reminding you that you don't have children and don't have to do everything a parent does - therefore you obviously won't be paying for any children's meals.

Tatertots Yes. Do that.

Or order both your meal and a child's meal. Eat them both.

That's even better!

Chic

The time is supposed to be made up, but I know that the time sheets are never checked and my colleagues just adjust them to show a full day.

As a quick point, everywhere where I have worked this is gross misconduct and grounds for dismissal.

Absolutely Tator Tots. Fab post They cant have it both ways.

Take a photo of the full time sheet in front of the ghost town office to illustrate the deceit to bosses.

For there to be discrimination, there needs to be a protected characteristic. I don't believe not having children is one, however, this looks like bullying and victimisation to me. Have an informal chat with a solicitor, but ultimately I think this is a grievance/management issue to ensure flexi time is applied fairly.

I honestly would start looking for another job.

How's it going today OP?

I too was wondering how the OP was doing

There's no way on earth I'd be leaving things until after the Xmas meal (well, unless it's tomorrow) though. I'd have to get it sorted. I think the rota idea is great. Do these women have to pick their kids up every day? Wish I'd known that before juggling time and money with after school club and grandparents

That sounds like a horrendous Christmas night out. Absolutely bizarre to take children

This thread is like a car-crash. OP, your situation sounds horrible and if at all possible, I think your only option is to leave as taking any action will only result in ill-feeling among the entitled mares you work with. If your manager is 'on their side' all she's ever going to do is find ways around whatever action she's told to take.

One thing I will say around your suggestion that having children was their choice, and they should live with the consequences of this - I do agree with you to a certain extent, and I think you'll find that the majority of us working parents do acknowledge that, and do our very best not to inconvenience anyone else. Those who have said that these harpies are giving working mothers a bad name are spot on. However, in my choice to have DC (and both of mine were definitely choice) I could never have predicted how often the little sods darlings get ill, and how jumpy nurseries and schools get at the slightest illness, with good reason. Also, I never predicted how deep the need to be with my ill children would be - you think you know, but you just don't. However (again) there have been many occasions when I have fought the urge to inconvenience my colleagues in my need to stay with my sick child/ren, suck it up and find alternatives in my DH or ILs. I get a good wage to be at work, not make more work for other people.

And Panda's outrageous suggestion that parents should basically be paid a full time wage for fewer hours because, you know, they can get 37.5 hours worth of work done in 25 is big fat hairy bolleaux. Potentially, yes, but you're being paid for the commitment of the hours, not just the work itself.

And children at the Christmas night out That's pretty much my only child-free night out a year! What kind of fecking weirdos do you work with?!

Elphaba I don't think the problem the OP has is with covering parents with sick children, it is the routine problem of them leaving to go and pick their kids up etc on a regular basis and causing the OP to have to stay longer than everyone every single day. Not just when their kids are ill :)

This happened to my fellow brownie leader. One woman bolted out the door having caused a system error every week, on the night we run brownies.

My friend got wise to it. And started leaving at 4.45pm discretely! But it soon made this woman realise that she couldn't be shitty to my friend in this way any longer.

I know - I'm kind of stuck on the DCs at the works night out. I can't see that going down well at our place at all.

I do feel slightly uneasy on this thread, as there is a huge difference between bolting out the door because that's when your paid work finishes and you have to pick up your DC from school ( my situation) and leaving early using childcare as an excuse.

I would never work less than my contracted hours - and frequently work over as I'm more likely to support weekend implementations as they are easier because I don't need to sort out childcare.

I would never leave a colleague in the lurch deliberately - but if there was an urgent situation, then sometimes yes I would still need to leave to pick up my DS from school, because that's the working arrangement I have made and those are the hours I get paid for. I would likely bring my laptop with me, or at least phone the colleague I was impacting to make sure it was ok.

As long as we are differentiating between the two rather than just bashing part timers, then we're good.

If you go to the Christmas meal just pay for your own meal at the end of the night and leave them to split the balance between them.