to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

What childcare do these people use because mine goes on till around 6 enabling me to do the hours which I am contracted to do in the job I APPLIED FOR AND ACCEPTED.

Exactly this. My children are adults now, but this was the norm when they were children and is certainly the norm with the many parents of young children I work with now. Of course, there are emergencies, especially when children are ill, and other people cover for them, but there is certainly no expectation that childless people will take up the slack on a constant basis.

This is bullying, plain and simple. I'm so sorry you are going through this OP and I hope you get it sorted.

Fuck them, you owe them nothing!

I wasn't suggesting staying ultra professional and rising above it for anyone's benefit except the op's. If she starts pulling sickies etc it's going to be much harder for her to come across as the wronged party who's been going above and beyond her duty in the face of nastiness and entitlement from her coworkers.

PurpleDaisies Comment wasn't directed at you, was just being ranty in general

Don't worry seminormal I figured you weren't talking to me.

I was just a bit concerned about this as advice to the op...
I would contact manager right now and tell him I must leave immediately as you feel extremely unwell. I would then take myself off to the Drs and get signed off with stress for a week or two, let them pick up the shifts and the shit!! Whilst off sick I'd be looking for employment elsewhere. Fuck them, you owe them nothing!
I think she's been treated really badly but I still think it's better to st least try and sort it out through proper channels. She'll need a reference if nothing else.

I said calmly that I have some other commitments, then one of my colleagues said that I didn't understand the situation and they need to make sure the children are picked up or they'll be arrested and a couple of the children have after school clubs they need to get to.

Brava for small steps in taking a stand, OP! I hope you keep going with your small steps towards fairness. When you've been mistreated for a long time, it's hard to change everything straight away, so I really admire your courage in starting be assertive.

I think the way they ambushed you with a cake was horrid. They sound like just horrible people, in the way they're behaving towards you.

And saying "it was a joke" is the lazy weak resort of bullies. You are being bullied, OP and I hope you can take a bit of strength from the almost unanimous opinion here - from parents & non-parents alike - that you are being bullied & mistreated.

I'm currently in a workplace which is a very tight team, working under very direct pressures to perform on the spot for our clients. At the moment we have someone suffering a chronic illness which causes them to be unpredictably absent. It is hard, and we try to cover by doing extra. But we are also lobbying for more resource & for we also expect management will be moving towards a more robust form of "reasonable accommodation" which doesn't put other staff's health at risk by them picking up our colleague's work as well as our own.

So I'm not averse to helping out. But the kind of cheating and slacking off that you've been required (by being bullied) to cover for is very unfair.

Strength to you, OP, and have a lovely weekend!

Oh OP. They sound truly dreadful. I'm sorry you work with such horrible people.

Please do leave at 4pm today. I know it will be hard.

As others have said, please arrange a meeting with management to discuss how the flexitime arrangement is going to work in future. And state very clearly that while you are able to provide cover once or twice a week (or whatever is appropriate) you cannot be the default.

I also agree you should be looking for another job as this office sounds toxic. But please be careful about using sick leave for it, if you're found out it will massively harm your case. At the moment you hold all the cards and are completely in the right.

I've read the entire thread and am fuming on your behalf. As someone who doesn't like confrontation and has in the past been walked all over, please please please take the this further. They are bullying and intimidating you. If the whole company uses flexi time, why should you have to make special arrangements or give them notice just because they have the audacity to presume you'll always stay late? People like this bunch of bitches get away with this behaviour because people don't stand up to them and they continue to rule the roost. Please don't let the take the piss anymore. Go over your managers head and get clarification on flexi time and put in a formal complain along with copies of these emails. Wishing you all the best X

Lol @ drama llama "raising the next generation" entitled mummy!!

Stand firm OP!

When I worked in an office with 10-4 core hours in flexitime, the 4-5 'slot' was rota-ed so that at least one person was there til 5. You usually had to do it once a fortnight at most. Perhaps you could suggest this? What is happening at the moment is utterly unreasonable and I hope you get it sorted.

Sigh....woman blaming their 'baby brain' on work fuck ups?!

We want equality? Jesus.

OP I would email round and say "I'm sorry I can't change my commitment and must leave at 4pm today".

Toodlepip.

Put a 5 minute delay on it and close your PC down beforehand so they can't send you begging emails. If you use Outlook look at the delay delivery icon under options.

If they've already left, for goodness sake do NOT back down next time.

I have one dc and I think what you have described is awful. Lots of good advice on here.

Eurgh felt I needed to write again after my much earlier post...after reading updates your colleagues sound awful!!!! I'm sorry op.
It is not because they are parents- it's because they are horrible people that are happy to take the piss. Yes parents will sometimes have emergencys regarding children but this shouldn't be happening to you every single day.
I would complain to the highest manager you can and make them set up a fair rota for the earlys/lates.

OP this is outrageous . Please do not follow advice to go off with stress or send an email to all in retaliation & instead remain professional as you have been. Arrange a meeting with your line manager addressing the concerns of the nasty emails & of the current flexi-tins situation. My advice after the meeting is to document a summary of concerns afterwards as you've stated you don't feel they will address the concerns. Agree timescales for next steps. Frankly it sounds like no-one in your department except you adhered to the SPIRIT of what flexitime SHOULD be! I also don't understand why your colleagues lack sufficient childcare ( saying that as a working parent)!? If I were manager I would be ideally removing flexi-time with a notice period. & over-hauling IT in the interim. Good luck & please don't lower yourself to the standard of others

Purple - professional what?? surely everyone takes off sick days these days - the timing of these days purely coincides with what has been happening

surely everyone takes off sick days these days - the timing of these days purely coincides with what has been happening

If she's not sick she should not take a sick day.

Purple if she's been there 2 years or more she's protected under employment laws - quite easy for doctor to sign her off with stress/anxiety if they so see fit. this should not impact OP's reference at all or harm her current or future job in any way.

Purple but their behaviour has been causing her anxiety etc - she just needs to tell a white lie. I'm sure if she has a sympathetic GP they would sign her off. Would not normally advocate this but I think her company would play dirty anyway so why shouldn't she?

If she has stress and anxiety, fine but people on the thread seem to be encouraging her to lie and say she has those issues when she doesn't.

I don't think telling lies like that will help the op in the slightest.

Purple like I said I would not normally advocate this...

I worked with (not for him) an employment lawyer a few years back - we had a young woman very similar to this - being badly bullied really nasty, she was in tears at her appointment and said she dreaded going into work and was bullied to her face etc - he suggested she get herself to her GP and get signed off for a week or so to get herself together and he prepared various docs in meantime for her. I think she eventually signed a compromise agreement.

Purple if you know anything about workplace bullying which this is - its very serious can cause paranoia, anxiety etc - I myself was bullied could not leave and had to have CBT counselling in order to cope.

This has and is escalating for OP - she already doesn't seem to be assertive enough to stand up for herself.

Yes, see the Doctor and take time off IF you are feeling excessively anxious and can't cope. NO! Don't do it otherwise.

They are basically bullying her to her face.

I'm bemused about these co-workers who seem not to have access to childcare that allows them to stay at work until 4pm.

Before DS went to school he was at a CMs and whilst I didn't make a habit of it, it was possible for me to give her a ring and have him until 6 if I needed to work late. Now he is at school he is at afterschool on my full day, which is on until 5.45.

We have no family support and DH is a contractor working at a distance which means he can't really do any pick ups and drop offs, therefore I have chosen to work p/t so I can do them.
If I need to work later than school hours at short notice then I can ring up the afterschool and they will try to fit him.

I assume that these people are f/t and not on reduced salaries, and if so OP's colleagues clearly expect her to work unpaid overtime so they don't incur childcare costs.