to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

What strengths are they then? The strength to bully childless colleugues?

Don't retaliate to the email. But do print it and take a copy when you talk to your manager. It's more evidence of bullying.

They also shouldn't be misusing office email in this way.

"chicdiana1980

The co-worker who stormed out has just sent an email to everyone (including me): "Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn't know you had and dealing with fears you never knew existed - I bet we all agree!"

She is trying to provoke you. This is intimidation and bullying; she is having a huge laugh at your expense and encouraging the rest of them to do the same. More ammo for you to use, though.

Make it official. No more contact with them
In the issue.

I'd be preparing to speak to an employment lawyer re bullying - be warned not the easiest route.

can't you job hunt and leave? i just think the attitude there will be and is vile.

...on the issue.

Save it & print it asap. If you need to you can use it to point out that she's using company email to bring up everyone's personal lives.

A lot of childfree forums refer to mombies - Mum's whose kids have become their whole lives until they are obsessive about their kids and motherhood and appear to lose the rest of their personalities. Your colleague sounds like one of them. No matter what anyone says she will think she and her kids deserve priority. Don't even start that argument it's a lost cause.

I agree op needs to take stand, but I think Chocolate's email is too long and too apologetic - wondering if the manager might do something.

I know that the office has to be covered until Xtime. I would like to know what the system is to ensure everyone has a chance to make use of flexi time and leave earlier on some days. I would appreciate it if you could let me know by Xday.

The manager is well aware of the issue, the op doesn't need to go into detail. Setting a day by which the manager needs to reply reduces scope for her to wriggle and waffle. Keeping it brief and impersonal allows for higher management to be copied into the chain in future, should it be necessary.

I wouldn't reply to that email, but I would still leave at 3.30/4. I am so cross for you. But you need to stand up for yourself-take all your anger and focus it on being strong and not letting them walk all over you. Start today.

You've said you'll stay today (which you shouldn't have) But going forward you need to grow a backbone and just up and leave at 3.30.
Take no notice of all the quilt tripping, that's not your problem.
If you carry on staying to cover, then to be honest you're bringing it on yourself.

guilt tripping

What childcare do these people use because mine goes on till around 6 enabling me to do the hours which I am contracted to do in the job I APPLIED FOR AND ACCEPTED.
I have five children but work part time due to childcare but I have never assumed that childless people should be afforded any more flexibility than me.

It's hard to go against a gang of them though. That's why it needs to be formal. And the bullying needs to be stamped down on hard. If management won't do it, she needs to think about finding a new job.

Are they all single parents too?

They are getting away with it because that's the 'norm'. It shouldn't have got that far!
I was a single mum and worked full time, last one in the office most nights.
I was getting paid to do a job so I arranged childcare to fit.

Omg, I'm fuming for you now!! I'd seriously be going home ill by now. Stress headache/blinding migraine. Cheeky mares!!

Harriet, my suggested email to Management uses a measured, rather than aggressive tone.
When approaching management for the first time about an issue, it is important to not be aggressive and it helps it the issue can be presented in a non-critical, factual way. The OP needs their co-operation and support and is more likely to find a helpful response if she is measured and asks for the issue to be investigated, rather than trying to dictate what should happen - which is for management, not her to decide.

OP doesn't strike me as someone who is goin to write a shirty email to management. It is right not to be apologetic about the request and to state the facts, but it is also important, especially in a first communication about something, to be polite and reasonable.

OP - email the management saying that there seems to be a lack of clarity in the office about who covers until end time. Your understanding was that flexi time is a benefit all workers have, however not all workers are able to access it currently. Could they please clarify how it is decided who covers the late period each day so that everyone has the chance to access the flexi time they are entitled to. Say you would be happy to discuss the issue further.

It's not just about flexi time and rotas. It's also about bullying and harassment.

Her immediate line manager was involved, so she needs to go above her head

One of the people on the email thread must have noticed that I was copied in as they had a cake out for me when I arrived this morning. They kept saying that they really appreciated my work - they said that they had meant to send the email to me and it was all part of a joke which they forgot to explain ......

Joke? That's fuckin' hilarious, that is. This actually infuriates me.

OP, you've had some great advice. Take the weekend to decide what to do. PaulDacres' post about sending an email which refers to the email is a good idea, but I wouldn't send it to your colleagues. I would either send it to HR and cc your manager or send it to your manager and cc HR. It is up to them to ensure that there is coverage and that late days are fairly distributed.

We have a similar flex situation where I work, although we log in and out so our hours are on record. Core hours end at 4 pm, the 4-5 desk shift is scheduled a few days ahead. If someone wants to ensure they can leave at 4 on a particular day, they put in a request. Last minute shuffles are ofter arranged between us without requiring our supervisor's involvement.

i'd actually take monday and tuesday off as sick days (if you don't feel guilty) and use that time to visit CAB or employment lawyer and gem up on what you're deciding to do.

let them sort it out between themselves on monday or tuesday. suppose the worst happened and you got run over by a bus or something they'd cope then wouldn't they??

i'd actually take monday and tuesday off as sick days (if you don't feel guilty) and use that time to visit CAB or employment lawyer and gem up on what you're deciding to do.

I wouldn't do anything that makes you look unprofessional. Try and rise above it while things get sorted with management.

Yes actually that's a good point.

I would contact manager right now and tell him I must leave immediately as you feel extremely unwell. I would then take myself off to the Drs and get signed off with stress for a week or two, let them pick up the shifts and the shit!! Whilst off sick I'd be looking for employment elsewhere. Fuck them, you owe them nothing!

They get worse and worse! This woman is a total bitch.