to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

Totally Richard, it's all in the attitude.

I once had a manager wax lyrical about how I should help the parents in the office out because they'd have to do the same when I had children. I pointed out that I lack certain body parts to reproduce due to an emergency hysterectomy.

The problem I find is that some parents understand that their children are not priorities for other people and ask for help with covering shifts. If I don't already have plans I always swap if I can. Some parents feel that as parents they need shift changes and other people should change in order to suit them. They don't ask to swap shifts - they tell you and woe betide you if you say no because you hate kids, are anti- women, etc when you have plans or are simply fed us of being asked again.

There's one woman who I flat out refuse to swap shifts with as she gave me a lecture as to how my life would never be complete without kids, how I would never know true love, how my husband was wasted on me because I wouldn't give him kids.

In our office we make allowances for children, elderly parents, sick dogs. None of us bitch and complain about picking up the slack. Because it's nice to be nice.

Their attitude stinks (well one of them at least) but your subsequent posts make me think it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. They clearly don't like you. But then you appear not to like them either.

There are more and more women who never have children. So if your whole working life you are the one expected to always be flexible, never take leave during school holidays, I can see that it would grate after many years.

Sorry about the a grade a holes on this thread op.
I have to say I wouldn't say anything about the email, make sure you get a copy.
Start looking for a new job, it's shit not being in the clique esp if you're the only one.
Go work somewhere where you are treated with professionalism and respect (plus you will prob not have to work Saturdays again)

the comment at the end of the email was really horrible. what nasty thoughtless people.

you having to cover so many late shifts is also really shifty but the comment just makes it worse.

I agree with those who have said bring it up in terms of what you are being forced to do not what others are getting away with.

It's good to feel calmer before you send anything in haste.
Print out the email. Don't mention anything to the horrible people you work with but arrange an immediate meeting with a senior manager. I would take a copy of the email, possible times and dates over the last month where you have covered and stick to the facts.
In many ways, this is the best thing that could have happened in your situation, as you now have concrete evidence of their attitude. I doubt your managers will look too kindly on other people arranging to leave early.
Could you possibly use it to negotiate pay as well?

Terry Six of one, half a dozen of the other?

Ffs.

The OP has been a bit snippy about her unpleasant colleagues anonymously here. They have sneered at her in the workplace and dumped their personal difficulties on her. I hope whichever joked about it gets to know when she raises hell and feels like the shit she so obviously is.

I'm with MrsTerryPratchett on this one - your colleagues are taking the piss, but you haven't come across well in a number of your posts either.

Agree many men and women will never be parents however there will always be reasons when flexibility is required. Prior to having children I certainly had occasions where I needed to take leave at short notice.

With regards to never being allowed to have August or Christmas off...really never? You have a lot of grounds to challenge this. Start with what your company's policy's actually says about requesting leave. I bet it isn't framed in such a way that says priority will be given to employees with children. Next time they refuse you, ask how that fits within their policy which states 'xyyz etc'. If your company offers flexitime, avail yourself of this benefit too.

I don't like some of what you have said but that doesn't change the fact that your colleagues are out of order so good luck with challenging them.

I don't like some of what you have said

For which the OP appologised.

Your problem is that your colleagues are a clique, they look down on you and your manager is one of them.
Could just as easily have been a clique that have funny handshakes or magic underwear, rather than having DC.

It's NOT your business whether the company chooses to let them work fewer hours than in their contract, without reducing pay

However, YANBU : it most certainly IS your business if you are having to work more than your contracted hours, without additional pay or time off in lieu.
You should go to senior management if this is the case.

Also, they seem to regard you as "lesser" and excluding you for not belonging to the clique. That could become bullying if it grows.

If it's just you want the same extra flexibility they have, then YABU:
parents generally need it much more than non-parents; you merely want it.

Be sick for a week and start looking for another job.

How crap. You need to work for a decent company.

Pretty sure companies are not allowed.to offer parents first choice of leave

You are absolutely NBU and that email is appalling. Surely you have grounds to complain about it breaching your company's behaviour policies for a start.

However, in terms of flexible working, I am one of those parents that arrives late and leaves early. I book time off for parents evening. I physically cannot do a longer day on a regular basis (I do if I know in advance occasionally). I am very close to quitting and as soon as I can afford to I plan to. I never 'bill' for any hours I don't work yet I am frequently asked why I am 'leaving early' or 'arriving late'. My hours are transparent and were agreed as part of a flexible working request which anyone is entitled to make. When I leave 15 years of professional experience will go with me.

Pretty sure companies are not allowed.to offer parents first choice of leave

They aren't but it doesn't stop some parents behaving horribly towards people without children who want to have Christmas Day off.

There's one woman who I flat out refuse to swap shifts with as she gave me a lecture as to how my life would never be complete without kids, how I would never know true love, how my husband was wasted on me because I wouldn't give him kids.

What a cunty thing to say. I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm sure her husband is wasted on a woman who makes herself feel better at others expense and finds her personal worth defined by her possession of him.

parents generally need it much more than non-parents; you merely want it.

Many people need flexibility. Caring for elderly parents, own health issues as an example. It isn't just parents that need it.

A company now has to look at all applications for flexible working, whether parents or not.

Agree playing grown up. If you are contracted to work you should work. If you have a need to emergency time off then you should be able to expect a reasonable employer to help you.
but you should be grateful and appreciate this is out of the ordinary. And sports days and routine 3pm pick ups are not an emergency

They sound very mean work colleagues and they should be taking up some of the lates eg getting a partner to collect at times do they can pull the late shift if these are their contracted hours.

However it is incredibly hard to juggle everything and they are also doing an important job for society bringing up the next generation of workers, doctors, carers, professional etc that will benefit everyone in society so I'm a believer in there being give and take both sides, seeing rushing round trying to get their kids to childcare/school etc is not them swanning around. I would try and get a rota in place so they do some of the lates but they won't necessary have the flexibility you have

Not all places prioritise parents - we certainly don't, it's first come first served and depends on having enough cover. Out of our team, two of us are parents with school age kids so we try never to take the same weeks. Most of our colleagues don't want the school holidays because they like the ability to go when it's all cheaper - it works out pretty well. But that is because we are a bunch of nice people who support each other, unlike OP's colleagues who need ripping a new one.

I'm baffled by this. I'm a single parent and sometimes have to leave early/come in late/have time off for sick children. I'm lucky that my manager allows this but I always make it back up. Last year my colleague (not married, no kids) was off between Christmas and New Year, this year it's my turn. I would never expect her to pick up the slack because of my parenting duties.

I would try and get a rota in place so they do some of the lates but they won't necessary have the flexibility you have

Just because people don't have DC it doesn't mean necessarily they have more flexibility.

Piglet, I have read the whole thread. I am aware the OP has apologised for some of her comments. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to mention my feelings about them. The main thrust of my comment was on the fact that the OPs colleagues are in the wrong and should be challenged. I genuinely hope they are successful with this.

They clearly don't like you. But then you appear not to like them either.

You mean the lazy, rude bitches who constantly take advantage of her? Can't think why she doesn't like them.

Thanks EverySongBird*. The only thing that really bothered me was that I've always been childfree but can you imagine if you had wanted kids and someone launched into that kind of nonsense.