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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude on flight?

424 replies

Lionking1981 · 01/11/2016 23:10

On long haul night flight yesterday. My 5 year old would not fall asleep as she was quite excited and enjoying watching all the cartoons. After 5 hours, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and drifted off. I was awakened by the man infront shouting 'oh for fucks sake' and throwing his headphones on the floor. I realised my daughter had been kicking his chair, I apologised, got my child to apologise but he didn't even answer - just threw a glare and turned round. I of course stayed awake for the rest of the flight to make sure she didn't do it again. At the end of the flight, he stood up and said loudly that that was the last time he will ever fly with the cattle class. I know I should have theoretically made sure she did not kick his chair and I know it is annoying but surely this was just bloody rude ?

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 02/11/2016 10:25

I think his throwaway "cattle class" remark was unnecessary - however I would have been well annoyed with some little shit kid kicking my seat.

Perhaps he had already asked the child to stop and she'd ignored him and he was tired, annoyed and frustrated.

I don't think OP should be expected to maintain constant wakefulness, but I think I would have accepted her apology and left it at that.

AlexaTwoAtT · 02/11/2016 10:26

And yes a lot of spoilt brats do it very deliberately.

AlexaTwoAtT · 02/11/2016 10:28

Maybe parents with badly behaved children whom they are unwilling, or unable, to control, should have to travel in the hold?

WorraLiberty · 02/11/2016 10:28

He shouldn't have exploded like that OP but you seem to be cutting him no slack whatsoever for being tired, and therefore cranky.

You've mentioned more than once how tired you were, well he probably was as well.

Not a nice experience for anyone involved but not worth giving another thought to now.

DamePastel · 02/11/2016 10:29

children are allowed in first class which seems odd to me, but there's no guarantee that you can 'buy' your way away from children.

SpringerS · 02/11/2016 10:30

Why wouldn't a 5 year old know that kicking the back of the seat in front of them is annoying for the person in the seat? We haven't flown with DS yet but as soon as his legs got long enough and he first kicked the seat of the bus in front of him (before his 3rd birthday) I sat him back and explained to him that he could hurt the person in the seat. He immediately stopped kicking and any time on future bus journeys if he forgot himself and started to kick, I sat him back and asked why he shouldn't kick the seat and we'd 'figure it out' together. He'll be 4 next week and I can't remember the last time he kicked the seat in front of him as he just knows it's not a nice thing to do to another person. At 5 a child is more than old enough to know how an action like that can affect another person, they just have to be taught.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/11/2016 10:32

Dieu how do you know he didn't ask her to stop? He probably did

milkysmum · 02/11/2016 10:36

Goodness me the op fell asleep- it happens! Yes the man was within his right to be pissed off that his chair was being kicked but he was still rude about it!

Velvian · 02/11/2016 10:39

The sad thing about gender "equality" is that it hasn't made public life any more comfortable for women with children; it's actually meant that there is now a bigger crowd of adults without current caring responsibilties "entitled" to expect that their life runs unhampered by those that need to be cared for.

Dieu · 02/11/2016 10:39

I don't. I can only go by what the OP said happened.

nannybeach · 02/11/2016 10:39

Why take a child of 5 long haul. I always get seat kickers, it is like "chinese tortchure"

Manumission · 02/11/2016 10:41

Why take a child of 5 long haul

Erm, probably to get to somewhere a long way away? Hmm

You can leave the DC at home in cupboards of course. But the police get so testy about it.

Joolsy · 02/11/2016 10:44

I'd like to know how the OP knew that her DD had been kicking the seat. Did she see her DD doing it or was there a conversation with the man infront? If there was a conversation with the man if would have been his opportunity to say if he'd tried to get her to stop.

Anyway I think YANBU. Your DD was strapped in watching cartoons. I would have felt it was ok to have a nap if you're exhausted

SuperFlyHigh · 02/11/2016 10:48

Vixen I'll say it again - there's swinging of legs and there's kicking the seat in front of you - I know this because I did this once in my parents car as a kid.

lots of kids do it deliberately because it's 'fun' and passes the time. sometimes they even do it to get a reaction.

NavyandWhite · 02/11/2016 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YelloDraw · 02/11/2016 10:52

Man was rude.

As soon as the child started kicking his seat he should have turned round and said "stop kicking my chain, now" to the child in a firm tone of voice, in a non-aggressive manner.

If the child continued, then he can be justified for being all like "fucking hell".

headinthecloud · 02/11/2016 10:53

He basically lost his rag after having his chair kicked while you were relaxed enough to fall asleep.
Who's to day he did try to wake you first?

IScreamYouScream · 02/11/2016 10:54

I don't know why you are getting such a pasting op. No, your child should not have kicked the seat but ffs, the way he dealt with it was rude and unnecessary. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because he was justified in being annoyed at having his chair kicked does not mean he then has a total right to behave however he wants towards you forever more.

I feel pretty inadequate against all these perfect people on this thread as I can imagine the same thing happening to me - and I thought I was a pretty good mother Sad

TheFairyCaravan · 02/11/2016 10:56

As soon as the child started kicking his seat he should have turned round and said "stop kicking my chain, now" to the child in a firm tone of voice, in a non-aggressive manner.

We don't know he didn't because the OP was asleep.

Natsku · 02/11/2016 10:57

YANBU. Yes your child shouldn't have been kicking the chair but 5 year olds get forgetful, especially when engrossed in cartoons, she might not have even realised she was doing it. Man should have told her to stop or woken OP up or got a flight attendant to wake OP up.

The man swearing in frustration is understandable, especially if he had been woken up by a kick, but what was very rude of him was not to accept OP's and her child's apologies.

OP YANBU falling asleep, I know when I get that tired that I can't keep my eyes open there is no way in hell I can keep awake.

wonderstuff · 02/11/2016 10:57

Can't believe how virtuous people on here are op YANBU - he could have calmly woken you and asked her to stop - he could turned and asked your child to stop. Instead he got himself all wound up to the point of swearing - which is just not nice. He was clearly having a bad day, you did what you could and he decided to be an arsehole.

Kids sometimes need help to do the right thing, we've turned parenting into this thing where no one helps you but everyone judges, its horrible. If I was him I'd have asked your dd to stop, I'd have repeated the request if needed, then I'd have woken you if she continued. Why are people so worried about telling kids to behave themselves?

If I were you I would have drifted off, I would have done exactly what you did, I would have been upset by his behaviour. He was rude.

Butteredpars1ps · 02/11/2016 10:59

OP your child was being unreasonable, but you acknowledged that, asked him to stop and made him apologise. While it's not great that you were asleep, you sound like you managed the situation once you realised what was going on.

The adult man was not unreasonable to be annoyed either, in all probability he was knackered too and so being kicked would have been extra annoying.

But he is an adult who could have dealt with it in an adult way. He could have asked the steward, you or your child directly to stop and then gone back to sleep.

Instead, my guess is that he sat there silently fuming and so couldn't sleep. He reaped the crop sewn by his own passive aggressive behaviour, and his parting comment was more PA harrumphing. Dick.

IScreamYouScream · 02/11/2016 10:59

Even if he did though Fairy, he escalated quite severely by throwing his stuff and swearing loudly, rather than properly rousing op (or getting a stweard to do it) and asking her to deal with her daugher.

DamePastel · 02/11/2016 11:00

Velvian I agree with that statement so much.

Unless we're planning to die out as a species, we need to communicate more successfully somehow to those lucky enough to have nobody to care for that they are lucky not entitled to a life free from crying babies/toddlers, inconvenience, vulnerability..

Fyoosha · 02/11/2016 11:00

OP, YANBU to ask if he was being rude - he was and shouldn't have sworn in front of your child.

But why is everyone talking about lazy parenting and giving the OP a hard time for nodding off? FFS. It's a long haul flight, there is not much to do other than sit uncomfortably and hard to stay awake when all the blinds are down, it's dark and the majority of other passengers are sleeping too.
Her child was not kicking the seat while she was awake, and if she had I'm sure OP would have dealt with it correctly. For all we know, the child could have kicked the seat just once, not solidly for twenty minutes!

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