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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude on flight?

424 replies

Lionking1981 · 01/11/2016 23:10

On long haul night flight yesterday. My 5 year old would not fall asleep as she was quite excited and enjoying watching all the cartoons. After 5 hours, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and drifted off. I was awakened by the man infront shouting 'oh for fucks sake' and throwing his headphones on the floor. I realised my daughter had been kicking his chair, I apologised, got my child to apologise but he didn't even answer - just threw a glare and turned round. I of course stayed awake for the rest of the flight to make sure she didn't do it again. At the end of the flight, he stood up and said loudly that that was the last time he will ever fly with the cattle class. I know I should have theoretically made sure she did not kick his chair and I know it is annoying but surely this was just bloody rude ?

OP posts:
BolivarAtasco · 02/11/2016 08:11

I'd be furious if someone's kid was kicking my seat for the whole flight too. It never ceases to amaze me how many parents seem to be unable or unwilling to stop their kids doing this.

JerryFerry · 02/11/2016 08:11

He's a colossal dick, but so are a lot of people on planes. Flying is crap, and anyone who gets all uppity about their rights on a plane is just a twat

brasty · 02/11/2016 08:12

I have seen people on here defend kids kicking seats as no big deal. When in reality it is horrible for the person sitting there being kicked in the back.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 08:17

He does not have any right to swear at the child. It it not challenginger even Victorian societal norise to assert this.
Children are in many more public spacessation than they used to be and they don't behave like adults (we are teaching them to do that). If you think that children (and adults with extra needs) and their carers should be allowed in these spaces then I'm afraid you have no choice, but to make allowances. Otherwuse, you are free to argue that these spaces shold be reserved for unencumbered 'normal' adults.
No one is making any allowances for my child or me btw

Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 08:21

Velvian: No, he swore around the child, not at the child. And what you are doing here is describing things as you would like them to be, not as they are. He has every choice about whether to make allowances. The child is not his problem, end of story. People shouldn't be kicking his seat and if the child can't control him or herself then it is the parent's job to stop them. The parent doesn't get to also police the other person's reaction when they fail to parent the child effectively.

alltouchedout · 02/11/2016 08:23

He was rude. He could have woken you without shouting and swearing and throwing things.

BWatchWatcher · 02/11/2016 08:27

Flying brings out the worst in people, but while he wasn't nice. I can understand his frustration.
Move on, no point in giving this any more head space.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/11/2016 08:29

The op quite clearly states that the man did not swear at the child.

People are definitively escalating the behaviour of the man.

ShotsFired · 02/11/2016 08:31

It seems pretty obvious to me that the seat kicking was the last straw.

Nobody knows what the man's situation was - he cold just have been as knackered as you, or he could have had recently experienced an extremely traumatic event - the point is, we don't know.

So yes he was rude, yes you shouldn't have fallen asleep, yes your kid should be old enough not to kick seats.

But he only swore, once. Big deal, I'm sure your kid will hear worse in life. He didn't force them to mainline heroin. Let's get some perspective!

squishee · 02/11/2016 08:32

If you thought he was being rude (and it's your opinion that matters), you could have told him so at the time.

Phaedra11 · 02/11/2016 08:38

He was rude but having had my seat kicked repeatedly on a flight recently I do have some sympathy for him. It was much worse than when I've had my seat kicked at a cinema or theatre, and actually painful.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 02/11/2016 08:39

He could have turned round and asked your DD to stop kicking his seat.

If she didn't stop, he could have woken you (or asked cabin crew to) and told you she was kicking his seat.

I know swearing is ok on MN (don't know why) but IRL it is pathetic and shows you've lost the argument. So yes he was rude.

And you are allowed to sleep on a plane! Where can a child run off to - and if they're in the aisle seat they can't run off anyway!

However, it is better not to fly long haul with young kids. I don't know why so many people do. Yes I've heard the arguments about elderly relatives etc but you don't all have elderly relatives who can't travel, most of you are doing for holidays. Save the long haul for when they're aged 7+ and go to the Med or the Isle of Wight in the meantime.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 02/11/2016 08:40

WINDOW seat not aisle seat!

DamePastel · 02/11/2016 08:47

He should have just looked at her and said ''little girl, stop kicking the back of my seat''.

I find that children listen more to strangers than they do to I own mums.

It is very annoying though! Having your seat kicked! But it's also hard to stop young children doing it! why do they love seat-kickinng so much!?

the award for most selfish father goes to a man I sat behind once. I realised that the struggling mother with one child on her knee and one about three sitting next to me were the family of the man sitting a row ahead Confused

she was trying to make a bottle with a child under one arm and keep a toddler amused. he was putting extra demands on her like ''do you have my x,y,z in your handbag?''. I said to him, ''you can sit here!'' and he said ''no you're ok, I'm ok here''. Confused I thought about that for a minute and then said, ''I'm not ok here, you're wife is not ok here''. He look majorly pissed off as he folded up his broadsheet and stood up to sit with his own family.

PirateFairy45 · 02/11/2016 08:50

Your unsupervised child kicking his chair for god knows how long while you slept. And he is the one being unreasonable? No.

You should be taking care of your kid. I know what it's like being so tired your eyes are shutting without your consent but on a flight, with other people and your child, there are things you could have done to keep awake.

Lazy parenting.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 02/11/2016 08:53

Yabu.

I'm not surprised he lost his cool and swore. Twenty minutes of constant chair kicking is too long.

electricflyzapper · 02/11/2016 08:58

Wrt comment, "am in my house, if my kids get out... strangle cat...... that is a facetious argument. The point in question is responsibility.
In my house I am responsible for my kids, outside my house I am responsible for my kids, in public I am responsible for my kids, in a park, or cafe, or plane I am responsible for my kids. I can't fall asleep, and deny responsibility because it's inconvenient, or I am tired.

And my point was that, even though I am responsible for my kids 100% of the time from their birth until the moment they become adults (see? I agree with you on that one) I still need to sleep regularly and somehow my children don't take the opportunity, when I am asleep to indulge in anti social or criminal behaviour. Your suggestions of what the OP's child might get up to on a plane whilst her mother slept were so ridiculous as to be comical. I was trying to show you how ridiculous they sounded. After all, I suppose you do not keep a 24 hour vigil on your children all their lives, do you?

In part, I agree with you that the OP should ensure her child behaves. I can only think how I would have responded in the OP's situation. I know I would have slept if I was tired. But I also know my children would not have kicked the seats in front whilst I slept. But if they had, against expectations, kicked the chair, I would have been cross with them.

mymilkshakes00 · 02/11/2016 08:59

To add. I would say if the man wanted a lovely comfy flight he should piss off to first class.

I've seen kids be annoying to other passengers on flights but most reasonable people take car of the situation by either asking the stewardess to intervene or have words with the parents.
Also I've witnessed where parents of children with sn on flights trying to calm down their dc and others shouting at them to shut that annoying child up. Absolutely Disgraceful.

Pipistrelle40 · 02/11/2016 09:00

Yes ask the cabin crew to wake the mum up to deal with.

If it doesn't work tell the child that Christmas is coming next month and Father Christmas doesn't visit naughty or seat kicking children. You may not get any sleep then but the fallout will be amusing.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/11/2016 09:11

He should have just looked at her and said ''little girl, stop kicking the back of my seat''.

We don't know he didn't.

TheNaze73 · 02/11/2016 09:17

YABVU & just as bad as him. Falling asleep & leaving a child unsupervised on an aeroplane is far worse than anything he did

GnomeDePlume · 02/11/2016 09:18

It isnt easy to turn round in your seat to address the person directly behind you. Possibly he turned in his seat and all he can see is OP sound asleep.

Girl kicked chair, man got fed up.

In other news the plane landed safely and everyone got off and carried on with their lives.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 09:20

I really don't understand why pp are trupping over themselves to make excuses for the man that swore about the child in front of her and can't cuthink any slackind for the 5 year old.
It does not seem that he made any attemptime to ask the child to stop or alert the OP to it; IME 5 year olds are frozen rigid if another adult talks to them and she would have been waking her mum up.

The child was (probably absent mindedly) naughty. When the mum woke up she asked DD to apologise-This is reasonoble and good parenting practice.

The man was rude. Of course he was annoyed and it is normal to be annoyed in this situation, but he addressed it badly- he behaved badly.
Next time plane man: ask the child, parent or cabin crew to make it stop, try not to swear about a small child and accept the apology!

TheOptimisticButtercunt · 02/11/2016 09:21

YANBU and YABU

YANBU for saying he was rude. Seriously, who actually sits for 20 minutes while a child kicks the back of their chair on a plane and then throws a passive aggressive strop (including swearing). Use your words like an adult and speak to the parent, the child, or the cabin crew. Don't just sit there thinking 'woe is me' and getting wound up until you start swearing because you're so hard done by because you've endured it for up to 20 minutes. Hmm

It would be different if he had spoken to OP and she wasn't doing anything about it. But if a child was kicking my chair I'd turn around to look at them and see how old they are/whether the parent had noticed/ whether the child was doing it on purpose. I find it difficult to believe that he wouldn't have done the same and seen OP was asleep. It's unfortunate and definitely not ideal, but people fall asleep when they're travelling. That doesn't automatically mean they are bad parents and expecting the cabin crew baby sit. OP was tired. Her child was strapped into a window seat, not belting up and down the aisle. It's not like OP was awake and merrily ignoring her child's behaviour. If the parent is asleep, speak to the child or wake the parent up. Why is that so complicated?

I suppose he's used to flying business or first class and isn't used to actually having to do something for himself or share space with small children. Bloody cattle class indeed Hmm

YABU for not teaching your DD not to kick seats and ensuring she wasn't doing it. It's bloody annoying, can be painful, and will completely ruin a flight so it's something you need to address.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 09:21

So sorry about typos-I hate my phone