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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude on flight?

424 replies

Lionking1981 · 01/11/2016 23:10

On long haul night flight yesterday. My 5 year old would not fall asleep as she was quite excited and enjoying watching all the cartoons. After 5 hours, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and drifted off. I was awakened by the man infront shouting 'oh for fucks sake' and throwing his headphones on the floor. I realised my daughter had been kicking his chair, I apologised, got my child to apologise but he didn't even answer - just threw a glare and turned round. I of course stayed awake for the rest of the flight to make sure she didn't do it again. At the end of the flight, he stood up and said loudly that that was the last time he will ever fly with the cattle class. I know I should have theoretically made sure she did not kick his chair and I know it is annoying but surely this was just bloody rude ?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 07:14

Velvian: Now you are being unreasonable. Go where you like, but others are not obliged to indulge your child's bad behaviour with patience. Sorry.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 07:16

If the man had tried to wake OP or talked to her DD the DDuke would have shaken her awake to tell her. 5 year olds are not voiceless morons. Why so quick to make excuses for the adult (who should definitely know better)& not the child?

Velvian · 02/11/2016 07:18

DD

Trifle: which part is unreasonable & why?

Penhacked · 02/11/2016 07:21

He was a rude coward. If something like that is bothering you, the appropriate response is to turn your head round and tell the parent. I was sat next to my four year old but hadn't actually noticed he was pressing the seat ahead with his legs until the woman turned in front giving scowls. I was on the ball enough to stop him with a loud explanation of why it isn't nice to touch the seat in front etc etc. Why she didn't just turn round and tell me though instead of shooting frowns is really beyonf me!

Giselaw · 02/11/2016 07:22

I too am wondering how a man sitting in a window seat in economy manages to dramatically rip off his headphones and throw them to the floor, and the OP is able to see it all from behind.

Bit of poetic license taken there to make for a better story.

Reality is, he could have just spilled hot coffee on himself and said the same. But you knew he didn't because you knew your kid was kicking his seat. AGAIN.

No way was this the first time she did it.

And ridicilous to behave so appaulingly and demand politeness in return.

Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 07:23

Velvian: That you expect others to have endless patience with your children. You have no right to expect that when they misbehave at all.

Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 07:26

Penhacked: Why shouldn't she scowl? Why do you think you get to dictate how other people should respond to your child's rudeness? Control your child, because you don't get to control how others respond to them.

Giselaw · 02/11/2016 07:27

Penhacker, you serious? You are sitting next to a 4 year old who has both feet on the seat in front of him but it's up to the passenger in front to inform you your child is pushing on the seat? Why didn't she just turn around and tell you?! Why don't you fucking parent your child and be responsible instead?! Jesus wept, parents like you is the reason adult curse in front of children.

Only1scoop · 02/11/2016 07:28

I also wonder about the dramatic actions which woke Op from her slumbers....seeing the headphones being thrown on floor etc, must have X-ray vision....

brasty · 02/11/2016 07:30

I would have scowled as I would assume the parent knows what is happening, but just doesn't care.
OP the man was totally in the wrong. And I expect parents to try and sleep on flights like everyone else.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 07:32

I'm more interested in why it's not a problem for a grown man to swear at a child, or her mother or in their vicinity about them
I have 3 DCS 3-18-all very polite, but I've certainly got the message when our presence is not wanted- so there's no need to worry on that score Trifle.

  • I have left a pub more than once after walking in (before the dcs have even entered the room) due to the glares. DH says "don't worry it's fine"-but I worry very much.
NavyandWhite · 02/11/2016 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mymilkshakes00 · 02/11/2016 07:37

So many threads lately where op asks a question and commenters just rip into them. What's wrong with people. You can give your opinion but don't have to be so viscous.

Andrewofgg · 02/11/2016 07:39

Toddlers not fun on a long haul flight for anyone.

That won't do. The adult accompanying must stay awake and amuse the child no matter what. He should not have lost his temper but that's a counsel of perfection; we all lose our tempers sometimes and having my seat kicked because a parent thought her sleep was more important than mine when she was travelling with a small child would have worn out my patience. Sorry, but YABU.

Kokosjumping · 02/11/2016 07:47

Am I missing something here? The op did not allow her DD to kick this man's seat; she stopped her Confused

Velvian · 02/11/2016 07:49

I don't think she intentionally fell asleep! I don't think she thought her sleep more important- I think she accidentally fell asleep. You do need to make allowances for children/vulnerable adults and their carers otherwise they wont be able to live their lives and take part in activities like you do.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 07:50

Sorry for all the bold - got a bit carried away with the asterisksBlush

Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 07:56

Velvian: But that is what is so unreasonable about your stance - you are only interested in your perspective and the child's. The man was the one the child was preventing from peaceful enjoyment of his flight. He gets to decide on the strength of his reaction which was, of course, angry, but that's his prerogative.

NotYoda · 02/11/2016 07:56

Semi

So if the parents is asleep, talk to the child, or (if you are concerned about doing this), ask a steward. Or wake the parent up!

Ginslinger · 02/11/2016 08:00

of course he was rude, and particularly rude not to acknowledge your or your DD's apology. He should have woken you up and asked you to get DD to stop kicking or even asked DD to stop kicking. Flowers

londonrach · 02/11/2016 08:06

Yabu. Poor guy. Yes in an ideal world he should have swore but youve no idea how long he been awake, an injuries made worse by the kicking and stress of flying means people act differently to what they normally do. Im sure alot of other people would have said alot worse in this situation. A 5 year old (if no sn) knows not to kick. Did she kick the chair prior to you falling asleep.

Velvian · 02/11/2016 08:07

I've already told you that I am very much concerned with how my presence and my children's presence is affecting those around me.
The man's reaction is totally unacceptable. It was him that lost control in fact and not the 5 year old (who apologised to him)
I have never taken my children on a flight of any kind, but I'd like to think I could.
It is a real problem to allow adults to lose control like that unchallenged and without any apology after the fact

Ladyformation · 02/11/2016 08:07

Knackered man on long haul flight endures child kicking his seat. He's asked the child to stop directly a couple of times to no avail. He sees that child's really tired mum has gone to sleep and doesn't want to disturb her so decides to put up with it. After 20mins, he drops his headphones and swears at this clumsiness, in the process of which he wakes up the child's mum. She then apologises for the kicking but he is too pissed off and knackered to respond graciously. He then makes a generic "i hate economy" comment on leaving.

Might not be what happened but OP you were largely asleep and I'm another that doesn't think there's space for a grown man to have a tantrum in an economy window seat...

I also don't think swearing in front of children is a big deal

Me2017 · 02/11/2016 08:09

We hav had this the other way around ( 5 children on flights). The hardest thing when their little legs are small is stopping them resting their legs on the seat in front. Their legs are too small to reach the floor so the obvious place to rest them for someone of that size is there. Yet it is horrible for the person in front as they get poked all the time (I've been on the receiving end many a time and endure it - it's horrendous).

There is no easy answer. I have certainly been sitting on a plane before now holding down the legs of the toddler so they cannot touch the seat in front for ages and ages. It's an impossible task really. When we fly as a larger group we deliberately put our own people on the row in front when choosing seats but that will not work with an average family of 4 rather than family of 7.

What I always say to the family ils that travelling on flights particularly when sleep is disturbed is one of the most stressful thing for any of us and we all have to try to give others some slack. Not always easy. Fliying can be a lesson in tolerance for all.

Trifleorbust · 02/11/2016 08:09

Velvian: However concerned you are, you still think people are obliged to make allowances for your child when he or she behaves badly. They are not obliged in any way. Your child is entirely your responsibility. The man did not abuse the child, he swore in the vicinity of the child - he has every right to do this and in this case, it happened as a result of the child's own actions. Not his problem.