AIBU: There is a special place in hell....

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

For people who....

Chew with their mouths open
Bite spoons or forks
Don't turn off the keypress noises on their mobiles. "beep beep beep beep beep" when texting

Unreasonable? I call those basic manners.

What about you? Who would you send to the firey depths of hell?

lighthearted post

People who say HEIGHTH instead of height. What????? Why?????? I want to smack them. Hard.

Litterbugs. They should be put in stocks and pelted with rotten food.

People who use the train journey to catch up on all their phone calls. This is not your private carriage. We do not care how your day/week/life is. Only slightly more deserving of smacks than the idiots to who take conference calls on the train. And have to repeat everyhing said. At least twice. Just stop it. Now.

Oooh. Makes my blood spoil. People. Are. Pigs. Repeat after me.

I've had a few particularly crappy shifts at work the last 3 days, people are already stressing about xmas, so mine are all customer related.

Customers on phones. The majority,admittedly, smile and mouth 'sorry'..don't mind that. But one,when I held up a bag with a questioning look, snapped ''I am talking to my girlfriend''. Asshat.

Customers baffled about loyalty cards. More than a dozen times last few days, I've had 'well,my sister/daughter has one,I use hers' Me (expectantly) do you have her card?' Customer 'oh,no' Me: 'would you like one of your own?' 'No.I just use hers' Wtf? Or I get handed a Boots card. I don't work in Boots.

 Customers that try to hand me their debit card. I'm sure they on auto pilot and think it's store card.When was the last time we had to hand debit card to till monkey? Ten years ago? Fifteen? Card machine is an inch away from your hand. Even worse,when they throw the card down expecting me to pick it up. I use tip of my finger to slide it back to them: 'card machine on your right' Bonus points if they have acrylic falsies and scrabble to pick it up. Lol. 

Customers confused by ongoing bag charge. 'Still??' was one woman's reply. Yes dear,it's been a year now.

Special offers: item is,say £3, two for £5. Only one left on the shelf. 'I'll have it for £2.50.'  'Sorry,it's £3 for one' 'But you haven't got two,so I'll just pay £2.50' They don't grasp that offer is subject to availability. Also, stock levels are out of my control,so no good getting arsey with me.

Letting their 3/4/5 year olds free reign with makeup testers,ruining them for paying customers. I always grin when their little dears pick up the glitter dust ...very messy,yes. Maybe keep an eye on them?

Some dog owners. Dogs haven't been allowed in shops for years,and yes,you will be told to take them out. 'But there's nowhere to tie them up outside' 'But he doesn't like being left alone outside' Leave them at home then.

Walking round the store eating. I too live in Cornwall. Lots of dropped pasty,and greasy fingers over products. Gross.

Too much information. It's my job to be friendly. It doesn't mean I'm your friend. It doesn't mean I want to hear about your aunts leg ulcers, or your flare up from scented panty liners. Boak. Also,no,I don't want to be your facebook friend. And no,surprising as it may be, I'm not going to tell you where I live. 

Sorry for the long post. Please be nice to the till monkeys over xmas period,it's extra stressy for us too!

The poo bag baubles really get my goat. That and people who dump rubbish right next to a bin, or very close by. Bad enough littering but the bin is right there. Our local park always has bags hung all over the tree nearest the dog poo bin.

Neighbours who really slam their front door. Every. Single. Damn. Time. Even at 4am when they decide to go out. It takes what, five seconds longer to close it properly?

Loudmouths and their loudmouth mates that think half the town wants to hear them shouting about their sex lives/swearing at each other all night.

People who stare at ds (who is disabled). Having a quick look to see who is making the noise - fine. Stopping what you are doing to stare - bloody rude.

Oh God! that was so long!

People who buy massive cars then can't navigate a multi story car park.

People who huff and puff behind me in a queue cause it's taking ages - yes that will definitely speed things up, please exhale more into my frigging ear.

People who loudly click their knuckles finger by finger. Actually makes me lightheaded am pretty squeamish. Just stop it you utter weirdos.

And all of the above esp people playing music as they walk along on tinny little phones. Height of arrogance we do not want to hear your shite music.

Oh and people who walk diagonally. If the pram catches your ankle it's on you twatface.

People who text me a trivial message and then, if I don't reply within 8 hours, leave me a message on my Facebook wall saying "did you get my message???"

People who stop and chat with their trolleys in a supermarket aisle.
People who can't wait 30 seconds for me to make my choice and have to lean right infront of me and not just say excuse me.
Open mouth chewers.
Nose pickers. Blurgh
Crisp packets, especially people who seem to leave their hands in for about 5 minutes. If you look you'll see if there's any left!!!
Actually, any crinkly packets.
People that don't indicate. Or say thanks for waiting. Or go so bloody slow they cause a tail back.
Motorcyclist's who think speed limits don't apply to them and i need to get out their way.
Crunching.
Animal cruelty.
That was good to have a whinge!

People who block yellow junction boxes causing knock on tailbacks and aggression.

People who put their bags on the seat in a crowded train and then look ostentatiously shocked and surprised when asked to move it so I can sit down.

People my DH who leave thier dirty teacup/wine glass near the dishwasher not in the dishwasher.

The consultant my DM saw today who talked over her and patronised her until I eventually intervened and asked him to let her speak. She does NOT have to have the surgery if she doesn't want the surgery.

Thought of some more:

Taking smelly food on public transport

Those who have a garden bonfire in a residential area without letting near neighbours know in advance

People who have the toilet roll rolling to the back of the roll (ok, this one is silly but it annoys me)

The CEO of Holland & Barrett for approving really annoying TV adverts.

People breathing,chewing,sniffing loudly. Laziness, dog poo, talking utter nonsense. Basic lack of manners. Spitting, bad hygiene.
Bratty spoilt kids, arrogant morons, the list goes on!

Might be a teacher specific one here but.........

People who print off a class set of 5 page stapled documents at lunch time therefore tying up the printer/photocopier for about 15 minutes which is the only 15 minutes you have to photocopy one bastard sheet for the afternoon.

People who can't spell 'definitely' ask for 'advise' instead of advice, and say they can't bear to 'loose' someone who instead of lose them. That's the English teacher in me, so not really a big deal.

Big deals are: Cold callers who ring, just as I've settled for the evening. I get to the phone, say hello, long delay, then a stranger addresses me like I'm their best friend and asks me how I am. Pissed off actually. And no, I don't want double glazing, new broadband, had an accident or have unclaimed PPI.

Ladies in tweed skirts and woolly tights who bray at each other in Aldi, then smuggle their £2.99 chickens out in Waitrose bags. Be Aldi and proud ffs.

Youngsters who don't give their bus seats up for the older passengers.

People who say, 'at the end of the day' on repeat.

People who beep their horns in residential streets at night.

Schools who send important information on letters given to pupils when they have a text messaging system that is a lot more reliable than a 9 year old boy!

People who don't move down a crowded train, particularly tubes, thus leaving you to clamber around them. Aries.

People who don't understand the national speed limit on a dual carriageway is 70 (UK) NOT 60

People who stop when driving to chat to someone they know who is driving the other way.

Cyclists who ignore red lights. Made worse if they're cycling on the wrong side of the road. Worst of all if they then swerve through pedestrians crossing the road and then cycle into the pavement.

People who stand and chat in the doorway!

People who do their make-up on public transport. People who cross-eat. People who are so keen to get a seat on the train or bus they won't let other people get off. People who let their small child take up a seat when there are adults standing. People WHO DROP FUCKING LITTER even when there's a litter bin a metre away.

People, all people, any type of people who think the FUCKING WORLD revolves around them, that they don't have to take responsibility for anything, that the world owes them a living and that life should fall into their lap.

full on grumpy old woman mode

People who stop and dither in shop doorways, or in the middle of a busy pavement, seemingly oblivious to the scores of other people that need to use that space. Get out of the bloody way!

People who suck their long and filthy false nails.
People who breathe with their mouths open.
People who furiously scrape the bottom of an empty yoghurt pot.
People who go AAAAAAHHHHHHH after demolishing a meal like a starved dinosaur.
People who eat disgracefully.
People who lick cutlery (ice cream spoons not included).
People who snort to clear their nose/throat.

This is all based on one colleague. Fuck off Yvonne.

Shop assistants, waiting staff and hairdressers (unless they know me really well) who call me love, babe, darling or hun, or who say 'aah bless' in a patronising way as though I were a bewildered 90 year old.

And people who don't know me address me by my first name without permission, when it would be far more professional and appropriate to call me Mrs Spoon.

People who won't stop their kids from playing football up against your wall when you've politely explained to them that you have a young baby at home who can't sleep because of the "thud thud thud" and insist it's their child's right to play there even though they have a fucking garden.