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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for boyfriend was not well received

621 replies

Lottiegal · 31/10/2016 23:15

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo1 · 01/11/2016 12:36

How do you know he's blocked you?

QueenLizIII · 01/11/2016 12:37

It is quite obvious. You cant see their last seen, or online, or their status.

YOu know you've been blocked then.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2016 12:38

Move on. Next time, don't get so intense with someone so fast.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 01/11/2016 12:39

I'd be say bye bye to him tbh

arabhorsesarebest · 01/11/2016 12:39

I also collect original art, I'm very fussy about it, my taste isn't necessarily others, art is very personal much more than clocks. A good friend offered to buy me a surprise painting for my 40th I nearly choked, the last thing I would want is someone buying me a painting that I haven't chosen or for that matter giving me one they've done themselves. I would feel under tremendous obligation to hang it somewhere even if I loathed it, there would be no pleasure in it.
OP you haven't known this man long, my advise if this relationship continues keep to neutral sensibly priced gifts saves a lot of embarrassment on both sides.

Bearbehind · 01/11/2016 12:40

If he didn't want to be stressed by messages he would just ignore them, blocking you is more than that.

I think you need to accept you read this completely wrong.

FWIW I think that clock is horrible, it's so sterile and office like. I couldn't look at it without thinking 'what a waste of £200' so I think what he did was quite brave and honest really.

You text was way over the top and you pretty much dumped him TBH so I wouldn't be holding my breath for a call.

PrivatePike · 01/11/2016 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenLizIII · 01/11/2016 12:43

You may not even get the clock back now. He might take it back himself and get store credit.

He is under no obligation to return a gift to you.

bumsexatthebingo · 01/11/2016 12:46

I don't think the op has done anything wrong here. She got him a £200 clock but so long as she can afford it it doesn't sound like something he would particularly consider mega expensive (he works in finance, has 3 Rolex watches etc). I doubt he was embarrassed by the cost of the gift.
His social skills sound poor. When I was first dating dp I bought him what I thought were thoughtful gifts but in hindsight he probably hated them. He always thanked me though because he has manners. He also did an activity with me that I liked for ages which I found out much later he didn't like at all. When you are first together you should be trying to impress each other imo. And if you are a fan of brutal honesty it should at least be a 2 way street. Sounds like the partner likes to dish it out but isn't too keen on being on the receiving end.

QueenLizIII · 01/11/2016 12:48

I think he is a twat too who can dish it out but cant take it.

But text is the worst medium to discuss these things. She should have just talked to him

Bluntness100 · 01/11/2016 12:51

Two white ticks on what's app means it's received and not read, so I'm sorry, he has got the message, I would also assume as he has now blocked uou he read it. One tick means it's sent not delivered. Two blue ticks means it's read.

All you've done is delete it from your phone, he absolutely has it sorry.

Crustyoddsocks · 01/11/2016 12:55

Lottiegal firstly very sorry for the way things worked out- you sound lovely and very kind and thoughtful, I've been there with the thoughtful presents and an ungrateful now exboyfriend-he used to make fun of how thoughtful id been, I wish now I'd told him he was a twat, you did the right thing saying how you felt and you put it really well, also glad you got the thing in about the elephant cushion! I too treasure presents (no matter how tasteless) from loved ones because its the thought that counts. I did have a little chuckle at the fact the clock you chose was a 'bankers' clock-as it turns out he is a total 'banker' it really was the perfect present! wishing you the best xxxx

HarryPottersMagicWand · 01/11/2016 12:55

Well I'm not surprised he has blocked you. That message was way ott.

If someone bought me a £200 present that I didn't like I'd be gutted at the waste of money. My dad usually gives me and DH £60 for Xmas but last year he bought a huge quilt that has a pattern on (no cover is needed) that doesn't go with my newly decorated bedroom at all. I'm really gutted he has wasted his money tbh. He can't return it as he got it abroad so I haven't said anything but it's just sat in my cupboard. I'd much rather someone told me. You sound very oversensitive and have taken it really personally that he doesnt like your taste tbh. Plus you keep trying to mark your territory in his house, what do you expect. You have a long distance relationship and have been together 6 months but you want to keep adding something to his flat to remind him of you!

VestalVirgin · 01/11/2016 13:02

Gifts are tokens of affection. They don't have to be your favourite things ever; you can buy those for yourself.

Once the cost of a gift exceeds 10 euros, there should be an end to politeness.

When your toddler gifts you a portrait of yourself made from maccaroni and glitter, that's the time to be polite. Toddlers grow up and will not make a habit out of giving you that exact same type of gift.

When someone buys you something extremely expensive that you will have to display in your flat, and that will set a trend for future gifts, then it is best to be honest.

arabhorsesarebest · 01/11/2016 13:03

"I too treasure presents from loved ones"
Am I missing something here? The OP has been with this man for 6 months it's a long distance relationship and she only sees him at weekends. Over the last six months I reckon I've seen my Zumba teacher more than that and I wouldn't describe her as a loved one!

Bluntness100 · 01/11/2016 13:06

I don't know how close the relationship was, if you told each other you loved each other and it was agreed as serious by both sides, but talking about love and being together in a few years is a bit over the top for me for a six month relationship where you only see each other at weekends, so your message could have bothered him in more ways than one.

Either way, as said, he has the message and he's blocked you and I don't think this, coupled with not wanting to go away together, and not wanting uou to spend much money on him is a good sign to be honest.

stitchglitched · 01/11/2016 13:08

Unless you are very wealthy it is crazy to have spent £200 on a short term boyfriend when you have 3 young children and Christmas fast approaching. I'd be mortified if someone spent so much on me in such circumstances. Your message has probably highlighted to him that you have very different views on your relationship and where it was heading.

DoinItFine · 01/11/2016 13:08

Yes, this is exactly like moving Zumba class. How insightful you are.

BarInSpace · 01/11/2016 13:11

Your text was just right IMO. It was factual, you said how you felt, and made it clear you prefer to be treated more respectfully.

I'm guessing he won't be in touch. He is coming across as lazy and entitled and it would be too much effort to sort things out with you. Undoubtedly he'll find someone who's willing to put up with it but I think you're best putting this behind you and you'll be free to find someone who makes you happy.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2016 13:11

I really hope you have the clock back otherwise you're down £200, too. TBH, I'd never have given such an expensive gift in such a new relationship, but really, lesson learned.

arabhorsesarebest · 01/11/2016 13:12

I'm not surprised he blocked you if he's at work it's the last thing he needs when he's trying to concentrate on his job, maybe he was worried that if he didn't respond then you'd send him more like the first one you sent him. I'd be furious if someone sent me a message like that when I was at work I'd find it very distracting. Maybe later he'll unblock you and then you both can have a sensible talk together, preferably face to face.

Bluntness100 · 01/11/2016 13:12

The text talked about love and being together in many years to come, so I personally think it was over the top for a relatively new relationship. As said though, I don't know if they had already committed to each other long term as she indicated to him they had.

Waltermittythesequel · 01/11/2016 13:13

You've allowed people on this thread, with absolutely no investment in your real life, to whip you into a frenzy about a clock.

Your text was unhinged. You didn't like my clock so therefore I'm questioning our relationship???

If a new partner sent me shite like that, I'd back right off.

bumsexatthebingo · 01/11/2016 13:18

I love how the guy in the relationship can speak to the op how he likes but if the op stands up for herself and asks to be spoken to more respectfully in future she's 'unhinged'. Double standard much???

arabhorsesarebest · 01/11/2016 13:21

Doin I didn't say it was like moving Zumba classes in fact I never mentioned the word moving, I just queried another posters comments about receiving presents from a "loved one" and that you treasure them however ghastly ye might be. It seems to me that the OP hasn't known this man very long either in terms of the number of months they've been together or the time they actually spent together so I'm not sure I personally would classify him as a "loved one" therefore the idea that any gift is special regardless of how much you dislike because it's form them I feel doesn't really apply.
Maybe It's just me, I've got lots of friends who I like but "loved ones" in my book that would be reserved for my DH, DC's, friends I've know for years not someone I've only known for 6 months and met up with a couple of time a week.