Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

I really wish I could see the cushion. I keep imagining something like this (not commenting on the desirability or otherwise of this particular example)

I know it's irrelevant but I'm overinvested nosy

I checked his WhatsApp and he didn't actually receive that message so I deleted it as I didn't intend it to be a precursor to a break up. He's away working on a contract atm so I'm guessing he's just not checked his phone. I just wait till he calls and we can resolve it then

To me, he doesn't sound belittling. But I fully accept we only get a skewed view because we're reading the thread, and not hearing from him. But ... if he is like that, why do you want to be with him? And why on earth are you spending such huge amounts of money on him?

Nothing she suggested was right - no weekend away, no personal gift, no item for his home.

A person in a relationship they are excited about would have accepted one of the options happily.

Not true. I am not a particularly materialistic person, and I would feel quite embarrassed at a very recent partner trying to spend that amount of money. He might just not feel ready for this level of seriousness - and that's his right.

He did suggest what he wanted - just some company for a little - which sounds fine to me.

I checked his WhatsApp and he didn't actually receive that message so I deleted it as I didn't intend it to be a precursor to a break up. He's away working on a contract atm so I'm guessing he's just not checked his phone. I just wait till he calls and we can resolve it then

You know that deleting it from your end doesnt mean it wont be delivered right?

There were two white ticks which means it wasn't received

Two white ticks is delivered but not read yet. So he will still see it.

I think that means it was received, just not read yet.

www.howtocomp.com/2015/11/Delete-Sent-But-not-Delivered-WhatsApp-Messages.html

Anyways after all you're right it's just about a clock! I'm sure we'll resolve this and look back and chuckle. Even so if he read the text, he'll know I was annoyed and I was. I'll return the clock and we'll have lunch or something and I'll take it as a lesson learnt. I'm not going to break up with him over it.

One tick is sent

Two ticks is delivered

Two blue ticks is read

It has been delivered but not read....yet.

Regardless of that, if you delete a text you sent from your end, it still gets sent. You cant delete it from their phone.

He's a wealthy man used to getting what he wants, when he wants it and not having to share his space or compromise on his own interior design judgements. I suspect he'd find it extremely hard to live with someone else - he probably imagines the other person slotting in with him, not him having to slot in with them... You are going to have a hard time changing that attitude after 40 years and it probably extends to most other areas of his life, where he is used to getting his own way, not just to decorating his home. That, or he loathes the clock with a passion!

I don't consider time spent with a person to be an "investment".

Ick.

Yes, of course I would move on from a boyfriend who belittled me in the way this man did.

"What would I do with a clock?" is something you say to someone you despise.

There are ways to decline a gift, and that's not one you use with someine you are planning to see in the future.

He suggested that he wsnted to spend time together and then turned diwn every suggestion for spending time together.

It seems like he really wsnted "tech" ie an expensive gadget of his own choosing.

Do you really think you'll be laughing this off?

After that message, I wouldn't think so.

Hardly drama to not bother your arse with rude arseholes with no class.

He can just give it back to you then. You keep the money. He has no gift. End of.

I think that you shouldn't have gotten him an expensive clock as he turned down your other suggestions for his house. He made it very clear that he wants to choose exactly what he wants in his home.

Having said that, if he's so precious about his home then it's a bit hypocritical getting you a cushion. But a cushion isn't expensive usually. If he's got a lot if disposable income and only bought you a cushion, then he might be quite rightly embarrassed that you got him such an expensive clock when you're a single mum. It sounds like he was happy to accept it before he knew the cost of it and would probably have put it up. But when he found out the cost then he didn't want you to spend that much money on him, especially as it's not really his style.

The text was a bit much op and if I were him, it'd worry me a bit. If you get a chance to speak to him, tell him that it's not about what he says it's how he says it.

I got my husband a watch for his 40th about 8 months into our relationship (think it was about £175) with clear instructions that I could exchange it if he didn't like it that I really didn't mind. He said he loved it but only wore it a few times. A few years later I found out that it's because although he likes it, it's annoying to wear on his wrist and he prefers thin watches. I wish he'd exchanged it at the time, as I also was a single mum and that was a lot of money to me. We were just about to move in together and I was pregnant with our planned child, so it was serious. I wouldn't have spent that much if we hadn't been.

Having said all this, I think that you have as much right to be who you are and communicate how you feel as he has being the way he is.

Your text was way OTT IMO: why on earth should he have kept and displayed an expensive gift that was not to his taste just because you chose it?

That said, people who proudly state they are "direct" are often rude tossers IME!

Before anyone brought it up I read the whatsapp deletion post and wondered so sent one to a friend and told her to ignore it. Then deleted it on my phone. I'll ask her if she got it
I do think it only deletes it from your phone because 2 ticks means it has arrived on their phone

Your DC have spent time with and "love" him after only six months?

He turned down every suggestion of any kind.

Including suggestions based on spending time together.

Hard work knobhead who csn only source picture frames out of hemisphere and speaks to his girlfriend in waysche would object to himself.

But yes, OP. Definitely soend hours agonising over how wrong you were to buy this prince a present.

It is your role to please him. No matter how hard he makes you work for it.

"He suggested that he wsnted to spend time together and then turned diwn every suggestion for spending time together."

You are getting a little bit silly now, DoinItFine. Where did you get that from?! They did spend the weekend together.

Feeling relieved that my own relationships aren't full of such drama and supposition!

Drama is having to listen to some whiny spoilt cock being angry that you got him the wrong present.