Dd and argument with trans friends.

[marvelousdcomics]

I'm sorry in advance but this thread is about trans* relates things. I know there are so many threads on this topic already but I'm unsure of what to do.

So, my DD is 14 and a lesbian. She has had ED's, depression, anxiety and self harm issues. A few weeks ago she believed the solution was being trans. We've struggled a bit and she's come to the conclusion that she isn't, although websites and youtube videos on the topic were influencing her. She's improving every day and is gradually embracing self acceptance.

However, at her school are 5 FTM students. They've been horrible to her (two were her friends). They said she was ignoring her 'true self', said she's in denial etc. Dd ignored them.

Today however, one of the friends posted a status on FB of all the 30+ genders there are (apparently). Friend tagged dd and said 'don't ask dd about LGBTQ+ stuff because she's a transphobe and thinks gender is made up'. Dd commented underneath 'im sorry, but have you gotten this wrong? I'm not transphobic at all. I do believe however that gender is a social construct and can be damaging to some people.' Friend then replied with 'thats transphobia! I'm going to report you. You're a disgrace to the LGBTQ+ community and even a transwoman wouldn't take you.' DD then replied with 'well, I'll take the insult if that's what you think. However, I wouldn't date a transwoman purely because I am a lesbian and transwomen are biologically male.'

Afterwards, the FTM students and a couple of others ganged up on dd. Kept calling her horrible things including faggot, transphobic, delusional etc. Dd kept calm, explaining her opinion that gender is made up, sex can never be changed, she wouldn't date a transwoman, its a bit hard to believe there are so many genders, transing children is wrong, self identification is dangerous etc.

Friend told parents who messaged me about my disgustingly transphobic daughter and are threatening to report me and my daughter for bullying their children.

I guess this is more of a WWYD. DD is distraught and I'm rather baffled by the whole thing.

What a mature and sensible attitude your daughter has OP, you should be really proud of her. She has got her head around the trans issues so much better than people a lot older that she is.

Agree with other that the school needs to be aware of what is going on, these people are nasty bullies irrespective of their thoughts and ideas on gender identity and are not her friends. She needs to distance herself from them and be herself.

How can they call her "a disgrace to the LGBQT+ community" and then go on to call her a faggot in the same breath? Not exactly brains of Britain are they?

Good on your DD though. She sounds like she's got self confidence.

I point blank refuse to accept that gender dismorphia is so common as for there to be 5 girls in 1 school, and in 1 school year who are genuinely transgender. Nothing wrong with being gay at all but doesn't the national statistic office suggest about 1.5% of the country are LBGT? that school must be way over the average with these kind of numbers

I think Shallishanti has a good point.

Your daughter has remained calm and not resorted to horrible bullying and name calling. You should be proud of her for sticking up for herself and not following the crowd. I would contact the school also.

For goodness sake. Tell her to ignore the deluded little sheep and make new friends.

It's getting ludicrous 🙄

Things don't change do they,,I was bullied horrendously for being fat,this is just another excuse to bully your daughter..hiddiously...awful..I had to move schools in the end.once it starts,well nothing stopped it..your poor daughter x💐

Really sorry your dd is going through

I agree with the others its homophobic bullying

for you both

Or would dd prefer

Are people not allowed to just be gay these days?

By these bullies' argument, your dd would have to become male in order for her to then date women. I think they have the wrong idea of what it means to be transgender.

Hi don't really understand I was in secondary school 10 years ago and no real talk of gay people but they were generally accepted even in a single sex school. no talk about transgender but it seems recently transgender is mainstream at every age people know they are transgender.

It seems like a fad but I'm not really comfortable in dismissing it as such as Homosexuality was and still is considered not real by many, same as an illness, but I don't see how it's so common right now

Well done to your dd

If any parents wants to complain I agree with telling them to go ahead. You will make the exact same complaint on bullying and homophobia

I don't see how their can be 30 genders though? This is all over my head. But going back to my last comment why would someone do often irreparable differences to their body if it was a fad?

School needs to step up to the plate and make it clear homophobic bullying is unacceptable whether it comes from trans kids or not. You need to keep all the evidence you can and not let them brush you off.

My daughter is a member of her school's LGBT group - she is straight (she thinks at the moment...) but joined the group partially to show support but also because it gave her extra credits!

But they have an argument going on there too. That someone who is not LGBT can't possibly comment on it because they don't know what it is like. My daughter feels a bit marginalised by this and feels she can't really offer her thoughts on the topics they are discussing. This was brought up by an adult "leader" who feels that straight people don't really have the right to an opinion.

In a way i agree - ie men don't know what it is like to be a woman - but they have a right to an opinion surely?

To be honest I am baffled too - not like in my day (hobbles away on her zimmer frame...)

Does your DD have a girlfriend to support her? My DD went through some bullying from straight kids when she came out (at 15) but she had a lovely girlfriend who literally held her hand and faced the bullies down. These trans kids don't sound too bright. Most bullies are a bit dim, I reckon.

for your lovely DD.

I agree - your dd is bright, mature, sensible and polite. And is being bullied.

Has she read Miranda Yardley's articles and blogs? She might find them useful if she doesn't want to engage any more, but can point others to them? eg this www.morningstaronline.co.uk/a-8244-The-trans-conundrum-what-is-the-real-meaning-of-gender#.WBeOEpOLSYU

What is FTM, sorry - am still learning about this subject.

I feel very sorry for kids these days. Being a teenager is bad enough without having to 'be' something else as well.

Your daughter is awesome, OP. The bullies not so much - they should be treated as such and I would go ape if the school did not come down on them like a ton of bricks.

I'm really worried about what's going on with teens at the moment. I know that the feelz is pretty much where they live for a few years, but there seems to be no counter for usual teen over - reaction and fad jumping. Where did Feminism go? (obviously nowhere in your house, OP, because your daughter has clearly put a lot of thought into her position and lots of that must have come from you. I surmise that because it sure isn't coming from anywhere else.)

These girls are not worth your DD's time - whatever their identity or preferences, they are nasty bullies. I believe very strongly that people with genuine gender dysphoria and associated issues deserve support and the option of transitioning with proper assessment, but this option shouldn't be available to vulnerable teens.

Your DD sounds wonderful and people are being hateful to her. Unfortunately it happens - my DD2 is bi and she gets hate from homophobes and from some lesbians. Go figure.

I don't understand. How can things have changed so quickly in such a very short space of time so that there are now so many trans young people? If the examples cited are really reflective of the general population (which I'm struggling to get my head around) then either something has happened or there are a whole lot of very confused children out there jumping onto the bandwagon.

I truly don't understand (and I'm a discrimination lawyer and so generally consider myself to be fairly educated in these areas)

Do keep reiterating to your daughter (and the school, and anyone else who chooses to wade in) that she does NOT have to justify or explain her identity. I think that is really important. She is under pressure to conform by people who seem to need that as some kind of validation of their own identities.