To think more than 3-5 presents for a birthday is excessive?

[NotMeredithGrey]

So many of my friends put photos of Facebook of their children on their birthday morning surrounded by mountains and mountains of presents - a quick count of the ones over this weekend looks like an average of 10-12 per child - THESE ARE JUST FROM THE PARENTS. Not family or friends, just the parents! AIBU to think this is at best unnecessary and at worst just plain excessive and likely to lead to a spoilt child?! Genuinely wondering whether I'm just a tight arse as it seems to be the norm these days!! I get my kids between 3-5, but that will be like a book, a toy, some clothes etc.
I thought I was normal, clearly not!

Dd1 recently had a birthday and got 4 gifts from us. Next year she might have more, she might have less. It depends. We try to put a lot of thought into gifts and buy things that we know (hopefully) will get used and appreciated, rather than buy gifts just to make up the numbers. If we find 10 things that we know she will love and get a lot of use out of, we will buy them (finances permitting). If we only find a couple of things then so be it. So far she seems happy regardless of the amount she gets.

My DM on the other hand goes totally over board every year, to the point where we are having to gently tell her to tone it down a bit for Christmas this year.

Yes agree posting present photos on Facebook is crass.

We probably give about 10 presents plus they get others from family and friends so according to this thread our kids are spoilt rotten! However I agree with others, it depends on the size of the gifts, and what is important is teaching children the value of things.

The DCs like to give a present to each other for birthdays - something small. It's really nice as they love presenting 'their' gift to their sibling. Plus I feel it's teaching them about the value of giving.

Then I usually give a book or two, (however I also buy books for them throughout the year - mainly secondhand - so for birthdays I'll choose a special book, maybe one I can only get new or a hardback. I never feel that buying books spoils children!)

I give clothes if it's something like a top with a special picture that costs more than normal. However we don't go in for designer clothes or anything like that (I am aware that already there is pressure on kids to have expensive trainers, as DD has been teased for having a cheaper brand, but we talked about it and she doesn't care and agrees with me that £80 on trainers is ridiculous).

Then there will be the main present - e.g. a couple of toys/a computer game/or a gadget. I am quite thrifty and shop around, rarely buying things full price. I do put a lot of thought into them.

Plus I like to put in something small and fun like a mug or a joke toy or nice pens. So that adds up to about 10 gifts, although if they've had a big gift (e.g. DDs IPod) then they wouldn't get that many. It doesn't seem excessive to me, I guess other people might think so, but it's my business.

I do really enjoy birthdays, I enjoy holding birthday parties and all that, so perhaps I do go a bit over the top.... if it was up to DH I think the birthdays would be a lot smaller and quieter!
However we also give away lots of their out-grown toys to younger family and friends, or to the school/nursery, so whilst I am aware that my children are fortunate, we also try to instill in them the values of sharing, generosity, not being materialistic, and being grateful for what we have.

Boastful Facebook posts aside

As others have said being spoiled is about much more than having lots of birthday presents .

I like to " spoil" dc on birthdays but rarely buy random toys throughout the year other than birthday /Xmas or for the odd treat .

I like the excitement of having lots of little presents to open but total cost wise may only add up to the same as someone spends on one big present . Will also include necessaries such as stationary and socks etc but all gratefully received !

Ds2 (15)asked for a bag of onions and some cans of ginger beer for his birthday. yes he is sometimes a little different Does this count as two presents or twenty?

Sambly - don't feel bad, I did used to post present photos when the DCs were younger just because I was so excited about their birthdays, but then I suddenly realised how it might come across to others. In the last few years I am aware many friends & family have really had to tighten their belts to make ends meet, so I am more careful now what I post on social media!

I dobt think 10 to 12 presents is that much. Of course it depends what else they get.

Dd probably got about 12 presents from us, and another 8 from others. So 20 presents in all, but not very expensive. I've seen children get 20 -30 presents from a birthday party alone!

But did you wrap each onion individually? 😄

2 bags of onions? That's actually a great idea. I'm around 96% sure MIL would love this.

Thank you, your son sounds great. :)

A stocking full of onions

Depends i suppose if it's 12 super expensive things or 12 less expensive things that make up a set or collection. I don't think number of presents means much and it also depends what the child needs at the time. I tend to add clothes, shoes etc that they are going to need at some point anyway to bump the pile up a bit (birthdays just before and after Xmas so always feel a bit guilty)

My daughter's birthday is a week after Christmas. She usually gets the Christmas overspend! It would depend on the cost of gifts. One big present might be worth lots of small ones. We do tend to buy her fun things to unwrap as most people send her money with a gift for Christmas instead. We'll probably get a few things but not loads and loads. Too much post Christmas giftwrapping!

I could find myself in competition with the other MILs for both my Dc, I prefer the idea of giving something little that's wanted to all GC and topping it up with money for their savings accounts whilst the other Gps like lots of gifts. Works brilliantly. The Dgc all have healthy accounts for their futures, everyone's happy. But I did read another thread the other day about regifting and wonder if a lot of money might be wasted because these gift towers contain quantity rather than quality. Is it a way of saying 'we love you this much'. The black bags containing lots of plastic is often a visible demonstration at birthdays and Christmases with children we've looked after, once opened they are consigned to a corner, no amount of gentle discussion can convince some parents that maybe a 'pandora' charm or similar would be the same price but a momento better appreciated by the child. Such a shame.

missvictoria on Facebook postings There is an arrow you can press next to the name which allows you to Unfollow without having to 'unfriend'. I've found this invaluable because you still receive messages, can pop in and look at their timeline when you're feeling brave but don't get all their self gloating on a daily basis.

My DS' birthday is soon and he has only 5 presents from us and 2 from grandparents. He could have had a larger present pile but was given the option of that or a party and he chose the party. He does get toys throughout the year (payday treats) but I'm deliberately trying to cut down as he has been acting a bit spoiled and unappreciative lately. He doesn't get everything he asks for and is frequently told No but it isn't making a difference. It's been interesting to read the different responses here as I thought I'd read that having too many toys can be detrimental and affect things like concentration.

I'll no doubt get flamed, but there is something a bit sad and joyless about this thread. I think I'll head back over to the Harry Potter Stuff thread as it's more fun!

I don't think it's the amount of presents that make a spoiled child but the attitude that you teach your child.
We tend to keep birthdays low key, they are all given a budget (fairly low, compared to others) and spend within that budget.

Christmas we may seem to go overboard but again there is a budget and sometimes due to the type of present there may lots of smaller things that don't cost very much or one or two larger things that eat up the whole budget.

But the thing is my kids really appreciate and value what they do get. It has really saddened me to see a family members child's attitude towards presents as she is getting older.

One birthday I watched her open her birthday presents (shitload more than I could ever imagine) it was a total frenzy ripping them open, not stopping to look at them throwing them down and onto the next. When she'd finished she looked totally bewildered and said what next? Is there more?

Last Christmas she came to visit with her parent, we were just finishing up dinner so asks if she'd had a nice day so far. She wouldn't speak to us asked what was wrong she wouldn't answer but whispered to her parent, "They haven't got me any presents"
Explained we have presents but have to finish dinner first. Said presents were given. Parent says what do you say to fuckit, (expecting a thank you)her response...." I want more presents!" ☹️

She doesn't value anything she is given, most of it is discarded within a short space of time and she has so much stuff she doesn't know what to do with it.

My family didn't really celebrate birthdays so they've always been a bit of a downer to me. I vowed to always make them really special for my children - they get a themed birthday tea/family party and cake of their choosing, and about £100 on gifts all individually wrapped so it looks like they have a mound lol. They do have a lot of toys etc, but they aren't spoilt. They share nicely etc. Birthdays to me are that one day in the entire year, when it's about making them feel like the most important and appreciated person in the world, celebrating their life. I don't at all think this has to be done with lots of gifts or a big party, but if someone wants to do it like that, I think that 100% fine.

What's excessive is putting them on Facebook. I mean, why? Who else cares?

Also agree with the fb thing (not on fb though) would never ever post online pictures or even say what the budget is, we buy what we can afford. We are comfortable with that it's not anyone else's business.

The child mentioned earlier, her mum puts absolutely everything on fb which is purely for attention. I don't get it either.

I think that sounds over the top to me but that is because I hate the mess toys bring. Also they get played with for a week then left in a cupboard. I don't like to waste money and whilst I am not on the bread line I don't have cash to waste. I guess it does depend what is in the parcels cos I guess if it's a mix of clothes, books and a couple of toys it's not so bad and as somebody else said not as greedy as a smart phone for the 7 year old which I disagree with.

Thank you. He's definitely unique!