To think more than 3-5 presents for a birthday is excessive?

[NotMeredithGrey]

So many of my friends put photos of Facebook of their children on their birthday morning surrounded by mountains and mountains of presents - a quick count of the ones over this weekend looks like an average of 10-12 per child - THESE ARE JUST FROM THE PARENTS. Not family or friends, just the parents! AIBU to think this is at best unnecessary and at worst just plain excessive and likely to lead to a spoilt child?! Genuinely wondering whether I'm just a tight arse as it seems to be the norm these days!! I get my kids between 3-5, but that will be like a book, a toy, some clothes etc.
I thought I was normal, clearly not!

I would never do the FB photo thing TBH (very very rarely post pictures of the DC anyway) but my DC do tend to have a heap of presents - more so at Christmas than Birthdays. This is partly me buying them "too much" and partly the fact that things that they want/need anyway (new ballet shoes to replace outgrown ones, clothes, sports equipment) will get saved up for Christmas.

Maybe there are no big piles of presents from family and friends? Maybe the child chose between a party and presents?

DD is an only child, has one grandmother and a set of grandparents. That's it. Both give one gift around £20ish.

Yes, DD once got a mountain of presents after a class party, I would say 20+ of them were arts&craft sets. DD hates arts&craft.

A photo doesn't give you the whole story. DD gets a mix of things she asks for, things we think she can use and maybe are nicer than if we would have bought them as a necessity. For example she got her schoolbag as a present, a pencil case, things she needed but as she asked for specific ones she got them as presents.

Normal clothes are not a gift but my duty as a parent. Fancy ones, that is something different.

Why is Fb pictures annoying ? Do people think its bragging and showy

12 presents? That makes me feel rather hopeless.

Are the presents "useless" things or things a child genuinely needs/should have, like new clothes, crayons, a football etc? We got things like this whenever we needed them... so, we would have never gotten 5 presents from our parents... and 12 presents for 1 child? That's ridiculous. There's no way my LO will get this many. Not for Christmas or a birthday.

That reminds me of Dudley from HP, tbh :)

Basic rule of thumb in our family is:

• A book
• An item of clothing
• Something they want
• Something they need

I don't have a problem with a lot of presents per se, but I don't like excessive consumerism/ piles of shite just for the sake of it which gets played with a few times before hitting landfill.

I also don't like the way some children I know just open a present and don't give it a second glance because there are 30 other presents to go. I rarely get a thank you from these children for gifts either, possibly because the amount is overwhelming. Children generally play better with fewer things.

I'd rather spread presents like books, clothes and other things they need across the year to avoid this overwhelming influx of gifts tbh. But that may be in part because DCs' birthdays are both fairly close to Christmas.

Putting the pic on Facebook is a bit tacky if it's about the pile, yeah.

Why is Fb pictures annoying ? Do people think its bragging and showy

Yup!

I don't mind pictures of children opening presents, children playing with presents, but what's the point of a picture of a pile of presents other than to show off about the volume of presents?

We only do one birthday present. Within reason, they'll get what they ask for. They get their birthday present, and always a book.

We do make a massive fuss of birthdays though. Balloons fill our living room, I make a stack of birthday pancakes ((ith smarties in them!) with candles to blow out, even on school days. We sing happy birthday at breakfast pancakes. If they're the school they bring friends home for a birthday tea, and I always make and decorate their birthday cake myself. If it's a weekend day they get a day out with friends and probably out for dinner .

They get lots from other family members, but for us it's about celebrating that person in lots of other ways, not a pile of presents.

The gifts I'm not bothered about but I'm NOT a fan of the fb present mountain pictures. Although if it's after a party and accompanied by a "thank you to everyone" I might unpurse my lips a little

I've managed to reduce the number to about 4 or 5 for ds2, but I must admit I've found it quite hard.

When ds1 was little, it was just me and him, on a very low income. So I would buy little presents over several months, including 'nicer' underwear, colouring pens etc. He would end up with quite a big pile- but wouldn't really get anything from either his father and his family or mine.

Ds2, on the other hand, gets what I would term 'presents', on a random basis, from his GPs. Like the tin of Pokémon cards he got the other day, just a week before his birthday... And no, they weren't an early birthday present.

So now, from me and his dad (although we're separated, we've agreed to go in together on gifts), he'll have 5 things, rather than the piles that ds1 might have had.

I think it all balances out in the end though!

I find all the angst about it rather strange. If I'm getting my girls something expensive, they'll only get a couple of things. If I'm getting them cheaper stuff they'll get more. I never consider how many presents they have, I just buy them what I think they want/will play with.

Yeah, so very cruel to only give a child three presents.....

I get my kids between 3-5, but that will be like a book, a toy, some clothes etc.

I dont think it is a good thing to buy children clothes as birthday presents as that is an essential that parents have to buy.

Specifically you say A book, A toy, and SOME clothes.

Clothes are your responsibility buy not give some as presents with just A toy.

Yes some parents do buy lots of presents but if they can afford it and the child isnt otherwise spoiled, then why not.

I had one of these on my fb thread last night entitled
"Can't believe our little man is three tomorrow" along with the approx 20 presents, an already assembled big toy and the helium balloon. Some were massive.
That said they have a big family and they may have been from cousins, gp's etc but it was some pile I can tell you (looked more like Christmas). I did think wow, that's a lot but then again it's none of my beeswax.

This thread is demonstrating that we all do it different and there is differing opinions . Lots of presents few presents clothes no clothes etc etc . Maybe apply that when you are sighing at facebook pictures and scroll past it.

My dds used to like limited edition converse damn right they got them as presents they are pricey.

Each Converse shoe should count as one gift!

Expensive shoes and designer clothes are one thing. They can wait for birthday for that. But some clothes suggests essentials.

Depending on which way you look at it my DD is either going to be horribly spoilt or deprived on her 8th birthday then. The only physical present she is getting is a book. But we are picking her up after school and taking her into London to see a show she's been asking to see for months and then spending the night in a hotel (her birthday is a Friday).

So either I'm depriving her because I'm only giving her one present to open, or I'm spoiling her because the outing is very expensive.

There will probably be photos on facebook of her at the theatre, but not of a pile of presents. Is that a good or a bad thing?

It's a good thing.

Oh but also a bad thing.

Ooo quandry that can you wrap up boxes so looks like she has a tonne of presents ,

Each to their own I think but mine aren't spoilt in spite of having everything they ever wanted and then some more.

Most are adults now and hard working, really lovely young men and a young woman with happy childhood memories of special gifts and outings for birthdays, Christmases and sometimes just because. Our youngest is 13 and has probably more than her siblings had as they treat her constantly too but she isn't spoilt either.
It's not the gifts that makes them spoilt it's more to do with allowing them an attitude and failing to teach them care, compassion and respect for others IME

Agree the Facebook pictures are crass. I do understand the urge to share on there but just photos of piles of gifts is so tasteless.

I do overindulge mine a little on their birthdays, but goodness knows they deserve it!! Very kind hearted, loyal kids, with life threatening allerhies and a shitty dad. I prefer to spread my effort between presents/cake / party though. But I feel no shame in making a fuss of them after all we go through together.

I feel a bit sad when I see kids whose parents don't really make a fuss on birthdays. I get that some simply cannot, but when wealthy ones go all virtuously frugal on their kids birthdays it just seems a bit sad really. Maybe that's just my perspective because I've watched both kids battle for their life, in my boys case several times already. No need for an overly materialistic birthday but balloons and cake and a big fuss and some presents that say "we know who you are and what you like and we treasure you".

Each to their own. My house USB very different.

We have our child one birthday present (usually around £30-50). He then gets gifts from his party.

This year was unique. We had two parties because I am now a childminder and the mindees wanted to come. So we held a childminder party. Instead of gifts we asked families to donate to our chosen charity. I discussed this with my son and he agreed. He's 4 now. He understood that his birthday money was going to help his friend have surgery to make his legs better. Maybe he wouldn't have understood if he wasn't friends with this boy, but it has set the precedent for next year.

Christmas is similar too. We buy him one gift.

He is allowed to ask Father Christmas for one gift and is likely to get it, he then gets a small stocking with gifts in it- like bath bombs/crayons, socks, sweets, oranges etc and potatoes (with reasons for getting them- last year was 2 potatoes: 1 for shouting and 1 for throwing himself on the floor when he doesn't get his way).

This year he has already circled things in a magazine that he would like but he's been told he won't get it all. I can guarantee you he will not get it all. Probably not even half of what he's circled.

If people want to give their children a mountain of gifts they can and I don't judge. Just like I hope people don't judge me.

It could be cruel and spoiling your child to give them a pile of presents. It could be cruel to only give your child one gift and to encourage them to be charitable.

I could add that I spend months and money prepping my child's party. He chooses whatever theme he wants. Most things are handmade, hand made games and photo booth etc. I also make his cakes to whatever he wants. He is spoiled with love and time. Not material gifts from us.