To think more than 3-5 presents for a birthday is excessive?

[NotMeredithGrey]

So many of my friends put photos of Facebook of their children on their birthday morning surrounded by mountains and mountains of presents - a quick count of the ones over this weekend looks like an average of 10-12 per child - THESE ARE JUST FROM THE PARENTS. Not family or friends, just the parents! AIBU to think this is at best unnecessary and at worst just plain excessive and likely to lead to a spoilt child?! Genuinely wondering whether I'm just a tight arse as it seems to be the norm these days!! I get my kids between 3-5, but that will be like a book, a toy, some clothes etc.
I thought I was normal, clearly not!

I buy my children quite a lot for their birthdays and christmas but they don't really get anything else the rest of the year. DD is 4 in a couple of weeks and will get about 10 things from us but many are smalls: books, some chocolate etc.
I don't, however, ever put present mountain photographs on facebook - this is highly uneccessary.

OMG there is one person on my facebook absolutely does my head in when it comes to photos and statuses about presents for her kids!!!

3 kids, and from roughly 3 months (sometimes four!) before their birthdays she starts posting numerous statuses, you get at least a weekly reminder how many weeks or days it is til their birthday. Does the same about how many weeks she's got left to organise a party, or counting down weeks til when the party is.
She posts statuses about every time her boyfriend works overtime "to earn more pennies for the kids birthday/christmas presents".
EVERY time she buys another present there's a new status "ordered/bought another present for name's birthday, that's stupidly high number in total now." And we're talking easily in the 20's or 30's PER KID, just off them.
She also brags about them having a tablet each, when they are all under 5. not just that, but they've gone through at least 2 tablets each and get a new upgraded one as a "treat" for totally random occasions she considers special.
She is VERY braggy, she posts typically 5 or more photo/status updates about her kids every single day, sometimes it feels almost as though shes updating the world on every time they take a breath.
I've genuinely considered unfriending her for the sheer amount of pointless posts she makes about her kids every damn day, (like every time her boyfriend takes a day off too and how much the kids will just LOVE the surprise of their dad picking them up from school. EVERY time, really?) their every movement gets shoved down your throat, and also for the multiple facebook game requests i get off her daily.
I get it, you're a bored stay at home mum whose kids are literally your life, but you don't need to share every little thing they say or do on social media.

It's so arbitrary to assign a number to the presents to determine the tipping point into 'spoiling' though! I'll buy DS a big Lego set - if I wrap each brick individually he'll have 1000 presents! Will he be spoiled then? Or maybe I'll buy him two £25 sets and he will be twice as spoiled as if I buy him one £50 set? My children have lots of aunts and uncles who all buy them presents so are they more spoiled than a child who only gets presents from their parents and if so do I need to quickly go NC with a load of relatives to avoid my child getting more than five presents and thus their birthday becoming so crass and vulgar? Can I buy what I want so long as it doesn't go on FB??

I would have thought that's it's patently obvious that children all live in different circumstances and that parents have a whole host of reasons to buy them whatever number of gifts they feel appropriate. Sure, excessive consumption of things is an important issue for environmental/financial/spiritual reasons and I understand that it can be troubling to see what strikes us as lavish excess, but I don't think a judgemental and arbitrary five-present limit really addresses any of the problems. It's just a bit of an unpleasant and sweeping generalisation.

I'll have to admit, I'm a FB present picture poster. I don't do it to brag. I'm normally just very excited (I'm really just a big kid myself) and write a post saying 'can't wait ' or something. I also communicate with close rekatives via FB who like to see the pictures. I don't think the present are excessive though. I would say about 6 on average and only spend about £60.

good I think iyou are right in general parents just get a bit EXCITED about the birthday/christmas and this is why they post pictures.

mine get a fair few presents, but mainly because they love the process of opening presents. It's all within a reasonable budget (say, £100 for a birthday) and I don't go over that, so there will usually be one big, main present making up half the budget, and the rest is little bits that I wrap up just so there is lots to be unwrapped. Also, if there are things they need or I'd buy anyway - like pyjamas, or a new book - I'll save them for a birthday just so it's something else to unwrap. Most of it is little junkie trinkets and stuff - not 10 expensive items. And it never gets posted on FB!

We buy the dc one or two presents for their birthdays. That's how I was brought up, and how dh was brought up. They get plenty of gifts from friends at their parties so they are hardly deprived. They are also allowed to do any clubs and activities they like, which I think is far more beneficial than stuff.

I know kids who get mountains of presents and they are the ones who don't seem to look after or value things. It all gets shovelled into bin bags and sent to charity shops/binned every few months in time for the next load to arrive.

I find this quite unpleasant, to be honest, but then I hate waste and this culture of everything being disposable. I suppose the charity shops are winning, but the amount of tat ending up in landfill is deplorable.

And what the gifts are .... if it's 10 gifts including, book, DVD, new top etc .... that very different to 10 gifts including, video games, large Lego sets, football kit etc ....
The way I view it is there is a big difference between fortunate and spoilt. As long as they appreciate their gifts and say thank you

We only give our did 1 present from us as he gets so many from the rest of the family. And that for both xmas and birthday.

Something they want, something they need something to wear and something to read..

This is my rule for Xmas and birthday

I used to get quite a few presents as a kid but my grandparents were all dead and we had very little extended family so it was only my parents buying them.

I don't get tonnes of presents for my kids, I tend to set a rough budget that covers party and gifts. Sometimes they have a more expensive party and a cheaper gift. Sometimes lots of small gifts and just an outing. It is so difficult to judge this kind of thing.

Posting pictures of present piles on Facebook is crass though.

I agree FB posts on this are annoying as hell!! Ppl brag about all sort of shit on FB nowadays. I only keep FB to keep in touch with extended family and it's usually for school friends' parents. Otherwise it's useless!
For birthday I'll have a budget in mind and will normally buy 1 present or possibly 2 or 3. 10-12 seem excessive I would agree and if it's cheap tat well it doesn't necessarily make it better... But it's hard to fight our consumerist society especially when having kids...I will also say that the rest of the year I will buy my kids things as I see fit and if they ask depending on what it is, price etc I don't wait for Xmas/birthday for that. I wouldn't wait for myself so seems fair enough as long as the request is reasonable. I try not to buy gifts as rewards etc tho as I don't think it's good for them. I just buy them if I can afford it and it's reasonable because they're my kids and I would do the same for me!

Both of my dc's birthdays are weeks after Christmas so we've often ran out of ideas!
They are 13 and 5, we tend to do a big day out and invite a friend ( Blackpool sandcastle and a meal for example ) which costs well over £100 and presents to a similar value.
We seem to focus on spending money on doing something rather than buying lots of presents for the sake of it. Each to their own!

On MN there is such a variable that there will never be a wrong or right answer, I personally enjoy decorating the house with balloons/banners and getting a lovely cake, birthdays are special and both of mine have had parties at soft play etc, it is getting harder as they are getting older and with an 8 year gap finding something that we can all do.
No doubt it will soon change and ds will be having his own plans as he gets older and we will just end up paying

4 gifts. Something they want. Something they need. Something to wear. Something to read. Then add gifts from extended family and that's more than enough. No FB present mountain photo. Prob just one photo of them smiling with their cake :)

Yabu. If I had a million to spend, my child would get the million for xmas or Birthday, there's nothing wrong with giving lots of presents, 'spoilt' is entirely different than one day of presents.

What is annoying is the ones who buy lots of presents, purely so they can brag on FB about how much they bought their child.

I think yababitu, providing the parents can afford it. I had sofas full at birthday and christmas growing up and still get a lot now. My parents do spoil me and did as a child but I appreciated what I got and wasn't a brat. I appreciate my parents, amd treat them now i'm an adult. I actually dont think i was 'spoilt' - spoilt seems sich a negative word, my character certainly wasnt ruined by an abundance of presents - the opposite, I'm quite shy and caring and volunteer a lot in my spare time, I love helping others and hate upsetting anyone. I don't think lots of presents equals a spoilt brat. Theres a doffrence between buying lots and boasting though - I hate the type of possts missvictoria describes, showing off and with boasty parents like that its no wonder tge kuds can be horrible. Different posting pics of a party, but why post pics of sofas fiull? Fine to fill the sofas, bloody annoying to post it. I've not got kids so cant say how much id give, but if I could afford it I woild buy them more than a few probably, provided they'd actually use them, but not boast pics on fb about how spoilt they'd been. I think of the kids whose parents perhaps cant afford much and how they feel seeing the photos. What a kid gets shoulf be private - not for anyone to critisice but not to plaster all over fb either

We "spoil" our kids with experiences on birthdays - parties, trips out, holidays. Honestly can't understand why people want to fill their homes with even more crap! Couple of presents to open and that's it. And they are super duper grateful for them, any more than a few and it all becomes bit meaningless. Got absolutely loads from family & friends for 3 year olds bday so they've been put in wardrobe and he gets one when its a rainy day /he's bit poorly/been a good boy etc. Also not a fan of giving kids everything they ask for. We can afford it but that's kind of the point, think we need to ensure they understand that in life you had to work for things and don't always get what you want ..

Yeah I think that's excessive.

Mine get a 'main' birthday present (up to about £50 ish cost) and then 2 or three other bits (and I mean bits) to open from me and dh. The dc then get each other one present to open.

They always have a party of their choosing (within reason) and a birthday meal out at somewhere they choose - i'd rather spend the money on these things than a pile of presents.

About £150 spend for bd's - prob £300-£500 each for xmas - 1 big gift (mini I pad type) and lots of smalls. I enjoy it - so do they, very rare they get anything for the rest of the year - maybe some summer garden toys but that's it. Each to their own - do t do social media pics tho - nobody else's business!

mine get roughly 5 presents off us for birthdays, usually spend upto £100 at the most

We've never gotten many presents when we were little. It's just not really a thing in my family. Meaningful or genuinely useful stuff? Sure. My mother used to give me tailoring vouchers when I was a university student, for example.

1-2 presents from the parents, something from the siblings (sometimes something bigger from all of them), something from each set of grandparents etc...

DH's family's "present traditions" are really weird.

I think I'll insist on doing that the way my family does.

• actually We've never gotten many presents (not when we were little and certainly not now...)

Thanks @NapQueen I've posted photos of Christmas presents all wrapped, just because I love wrapping and was chuffed I'd got it done. Good point, I'll stop it. We tend to give dd a few presents, at birthday /Christmas, but not much outside of that. If I find stuff I squirrel it away, and sometimes forget how much I've collected