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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Brother turning up at 9:30am on a Sunday!?

149 replies

BusyHomemaker · 30/10/2016 13:32

My brother texts earlier in the week saying he and his wife were going to pop round on Sunday with DD's birthday gifts, as it was her birthday on Tues I replied this was fine buy we'll be chilling at home all day due to long day out on Sat. He replied with the caveat that it would be a flying visit - they live over an hour away and we hardly see them.

He is incredibly unreliable so I wasn't fully expecting a visit. Plus that don't drive and public transport on a Sunday is terrible.

At 8:30am I received a text informing me they'd be at hours by 9:30am. I called asking if they were joking and it turned out they were able to catch a lift. I asked for more time and they turned up at 10am.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable?

My family totally lack boundaries!

OP posts:
NotWeavingButDarning · 30/10/2016 16:49

I wouldn't have problem with that at all. I tell people any time after 8 and we've been up and dressed for ages before then.

Missingthesea · 30/10/2016 17:01

blaeberry 5.30? Wow, I don't think anyone could trump that Grin

sofatrainer · 30/10/2016 17:04

Sounds fine to me esp as when mine were 5 they were up by 6am anyway. Would be fine now too except we might be out as one has a tutor at 9, one plays football at 9.30 and the little one swims at 10

SpunkyMummy · 30/10/2016 19:04

sally
And some of us were basically forced to become larks...

Had a teacher that woke us with a "ship horn". (Not sure if it was a real one... but it certainly sounded like one)

berry

However, it was luckily not at 5.30!!

Memoires · 30/10/2016 19:29

You are close to your family, but dh is not close to his. As marriage is supposed to be enriching to both spouses and any children, it seems that the onus is on your dh to learn to interact with your family and include them in his life, rather than you lose contact with them. His life will be enriched this way. If he freezes out your family, your life (and your children's) will be depleted. That is not the goal.

Ginseng1 · 30/10/2016 19:42

Pre kids yes I'd prob have been in bed sleeping off a hangover so I'd be annoyed but now I wouldn't care if one of our parents or siblings turned up at that time - they take us as they find us. One of us adults be up (prob not dressed!) & they hardly expecting the red carpet at that hour!

Laquitar · 30/10/2016 19:58

Well if you don't like your brother very much maybe it is better that you got the visit out of the way early and then had the sunday free to chill out.

At 9.30 you only need to serve coffee and maybe toast.

At 12 you would need to make lunch. Would your husband prefer that?

Dragongirl10 · 30/10/2016 20:42

I cannot believe you think 9.30am or 10am is early! especially for a family member coming for a nice reason!

Everyone l know with Dcs is up by 9am at the latest, my Ds is up by 6.30am and DD 7 or 7.30 though we get up later than them on a Sunday..8ish 8.30 is a big lie in!

I would be delighted to see my family or even close friend on a Sunday ,morning for coffee and chat.

TaterTots · 30/10/2016 23:08

I cannot believe you think 9.30am or 10am is early! especially for a family member coming for a nice reason!

Really? I think 9.30 is very early - even if it's for a 'naice' reason.

TaterTots · 30/10/2016 23:13

DH sounds like a twat. Your brother should be welcome round anytime.

Bullshit. If this thread was reversed and the topic was 'Is unreliable brother being unreasonable to turn up at 9.30?' everyone would be siding with the OP.

WhisperingLoudly · 30/10/2016 23:21

tatertots

*You may of had a late night but without the clock adjustments they arrived at 11

A few people have mentioned this but my mind boggles as to why it is relevant. They didn't arrive at 11. They arrived at 10. 10 is 10, even when the clocks have gone back. Or do you all spend October to March ignoring the clock and pretending it's an hour later*

The point is surely that last night means that everyone gained an actual hour. So if the DD went to bed at 11 and got up at 8 she actually had 10 hours sleep. Obviously that's a once a year phenomenon.

smellyboot · 31/10/2016 07:13

I think you are being totally unreasonable. Be thankful you have a brother who wants to visit. It's nit early and anyone with young children would normally be up and about.

LetsAllEatCakes · 31/10/2016 08:22

TaterTots I would not side with the op given that she told her brother that he was welcome around any time during the day and he texted an hour before to check the time.

Had he turned up earlier or before a time she said then definitely I would but she didn't say anytime just told him he was welcome.

LetsAllEatCakes · 31/10/2016 08:24

I wouldn't do 9:30 myself but that's why my response is always 'we would love to see you. Sometime after 11 good for you?'

joellevandyne · 31/10/2016 08:55

I'm with you DragonGirl, and surprised more people aren't!

It would have to be 8am on a Sunday before I'd regard a quick visit from a family member as eyebrow-raisingly early, but even then it would be a matter of telling them I might still be in pyjamas.

Huffiness towards a 10am visit is a massive overreaction.

Munstermonchgirl · 31/10/2016 13:07

But surely 9.30 is way later than you get up during the week? You have a 5 year old so presumably you're all up and out for work and school way earlier on weekdays?
That's relevant because the nice thing about weekends is feeling you get a lie in - which clearly you still got. Plus the extra hour with clocks going back.
9.30 seems fine.... an extra 2 or 3 hours in bed from a normal weekday. Plus, as it was a flying visit it's surely better to see him then and
Still have the rest of the day ahead. It would have been far more disruptive to any plans you had for him to pop in half way through the day

juliej75 · 31/10/2016 13:50

I can't trump the 5.30am visitors, but my SIL did visit at 8am on a Sunday morning - 5 days after I'd given birth. If I hadn't been so taken unawares, I'd have refused to come downstairs. As it was, I went into full-on people pleaser mode and sorted cup of tea etc. Still pissed off with myself for doing that.

(In my sleep deprived, befuddled state, I'd forgotten it was Sunday and answered the door because I thought it would be the postman with flowers or gifts for me. That would have been ok!)

exaltedwombat · 31/10/2016 17:41

Can't family pop in ANY time?

minipie · 31/10/2016 17:48

YABU

I don't believe family can pop in any time without notice. However your brother gave you loads of notice - he asked you on Tues if it would be ok to pop in Sunday, you said yes and you'd be in all day (you didn't say "only from 10.30") and he then gave you an hour's notice on the day itself.

Why did you need more time? Surely it doesn't take more than an hour to get yourselves and a 5 year old dressed?

CarrieLouise25 · 31/10/2016 18:00

We had similar issues, we all lie in on Sundays (kids included) - and it's great. Brother however is up at 6am with his kids, and always wanted to pop in early.

I think in these situations you just need to be clearer with times and say, 'love to see you, but after 11am would be best - we're having a lie in' (or similar).

Mind you, didn't stop my family coming over early.

And had a similar one with giving birth and family coming over on their terms, early. Even though we said no.

Not an issue any more, and we love our lazy Sundays Smile

Sallystyle · 31/10/2016 18:15

I don't have anyone round before 11.00am on a weekend. However, if someone was bringing round a present I wouldn't moan.

heron98 · 31/10/2016 18:36

it sounds fine to me and I don't even have kids. It's not THAT early. And even if you're in your pyjamas it's your brother, not the Queen.

YABU to be "fuming".

CheerfulYank · 31/10/2016 18:44

I love to lie in any day of the week, but it was 10 and you'd had more than half hour notice. Perfectly acceptable imo.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 31/10/2016 18:51

I think it's clear we're all different in terms of when we get up on a Sunday, but what u could do in future, is say 'we're in all day, come anytime u like after '.

I've done that same thing myself tho, u kind of want to be really welcoming by saying 'come any time', then later u realise u'd actually like to know what time they're coming!

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 31/10/2016 18:56

YABU. You should have specified a time. e.g. 'A visit on Sunday sounds lovely. If you could pop in any time after 11, that would be great!'. That's what I do. Your poor brother! Hope you didn't made it obvious that you & your DH were annoyed.

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