AIBU? Brother turning up at 9:30am on a Sunday!?

[BusyHomemaker]

My brother texts earlier in the week saying he and his wife were going to pop round on Sunday with DD's birthday gifts, as it was her birthday on Tues I replied this was fine buy we'll be chilling at home all day due to long day out on Sat. He replied with the caveat that it would be a flying visit - they live over an hour away and we hardly see them.

He is incredibly unreliable so I wasn't fully expecting a visit. Plus that don't drive and public transport on a Sunday is terrible.

At 8:30am I received a text informing me they'd be at hours by 9:30am. I called asking if they were joking and it turned out they were able to catch a lift. I asked for more time and they turned up at 10am.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable?

My family totally lack boundaries!

[Serin]

Your DP has issues.

Your brother sounds lovely. He went to a lot of effort today to make sure his little niece got her present.

Be careful not to alienate your own family.

[SpunkyMummy]

I don't see the issue.


Isn't it great your DB is making the effort?


But I can't sleep in any way. That's a habit I still have from school.

I tend to be up and going at 7 (sometimes 8), well, unless I'm severely hungover.

Anyway. He said he'd come, he even gave you more time... seems fine imo.

[Meadows76]

What boundaries do you think your family are lacking? I can't see the problem

[longdiling]

How does your brother coming stop you from chilling out though? He didn't expect feeding, he just wanted to drop off a present. You didn't need to even get dressed for that kind of visit!

[BusyHomemaker]

I was a bit annoyed as brother missed DD's birthday and yesterday was a day out for her birthday treat. She was very late to bed and so I had already planned a relaxed day at home. I would have loved for then to spend some proper time with us

Maybe I'm feeling this is a problem because DP was fuming. I'm a people pleaser so it really bothers me when those I'm close to are upset/angry. I'm not sure what to make of that. He went upstairs for a bath as soon as they came to the door. And then was pissed off for a while after they left... I told him he shouldn't take it out on me and he told me he was angry at me but he was angry and pissed off.

Confused.com!

[SpunkyMummy]

Seriously, if I was your DB I'd be very very offended. I'd try to still have contact with my niece, obviously. But I'd feel iffy about coming to you...

Your DP is the one having issues, not your brother. It isn't his fault that your DP is being a twat. I'm not sure why you'd treat family like this.
Your DB sounds great.

[Eolian]

9:30 seems perfectly reasonable to me. If you tend to have late lie-ins or had plans for the morning (even if your plan was chilling out with no visitors allowed) you should have told him. I'd be fine with family arriving any time - it sounds like the morning's timings aren't your real issue with him though tbh.

[Eolian]

But if I were in your position it would be the dp I'd be pissed off with, not the db.

[YouTheCat]

You have a dh problem, not a brother problem.

Your brother has taken the time to visit with a gift. You weren't doing anything anyway.

It seems that your dh is NC with his family and now he's trying to get you to be with yours too.

Your db didn't do anything wrong. He called ahead of time.

[peneleope82]

YABU.

You said you'd be at home all day, you didn't specify a time he should come.

Your DH needs to have a word with himself.

[Emmaghoul]

What an over-reaction! Your brother turns up at a reasonable hour on a Sunday morning to deliver a gift for your child - and you are pissed off? Jesus wept.

[LizB62A]

That's far too early for me on a Sunday without prior warning that it would be early, especially after a long day out yesterday
YANBU at all :-)

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Just be glad you don't have our relative who thinks 8am on a Sunday is reasonable and makes snide comments if anyone yawns.

[Waltermittythesequel]

That's awful behaviour by your dp.

I feel really sorry for your brother.

[happypoobum]

I agree with PP - it sounds like your DP is the problem here, not DB.

[NotYoda]

The clocks went back. Maybe he thought its was 10.30

Your DP is being unreasonable

Why so stressed about a flying visit? Cup of tea, presents and they then go

[VimFuego101]

9.30 would be fine for me... At least he made the effort to drop off the present in person. awaits massive drip feed

[GiddyGiddyGoat]

I think your problem is your dp as much as your brother! that's a whole lot of 'fuming', 'moody', 'huffy' and being pissed off about something so completely inconsequential - life and family relationships really don't need this level of agitation you know.

Your brother popped round to give his niece a present. he didn't expect a meal / entertaining etc as he made clear it would be a quick visit. 10am is not v early especially when it was 11 in old time. What's the big deal?

If it really wasn't convenient then you should have told him so.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill and your dh sounds a right miserable git. What are you teaching dd about how you treat family members / guests?

[TaterTots]

Dissenting voice here - I'd never visit anyone that early on a Sunday. I'm assuming it's because he could get a lift at this time, so it's understandable, but you weren't unreasonable to ask for more time.

[Eevee77]

9:30 for family to pop in and drop present off? Absolutely fine. Anytime after 9 is acceptable IMO

[baconandeggies]

Yes, a DP problem... Is it easier to justify his unreasonable reaction by blaming your brother?

[GiddyGiddyGoat]

Just rtft and see I am not alone! Your dh needs to have a word with himself. Really.

[BusyHomemaker]

You're all right. I feel terrible.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You weren't horrible to him were you?

[BertrandRussell]

What right has your dp to be fuming and huffy and moody and pissed off?