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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU, me or SIL?

140 replies

Kokosjumping · 29/10/2016 18:23

We have baby DS, SIL & BIL have 4 year old DD. Boxing Day is to be spent with PIL this year.

SIL is insisting we go out for the day (walking round town sale shopping etc and lunch) because PIL have a dog and she doesn't trust it around DD. I would much much rather we stayed at PILs as DS will not nap in the buggy and he will be a screaming nightmare all day if he doesn't get a decent nap. Would be happy to host at ours but we only have a 1 bed flat. SIL & BIL don't want to host. PIL happy to host.

Dog is big and lolloping but harmless and mostly just sleeps in the corner.

Who is BU? Me or her?

SIL has never been to PILs house since DD was born because of said dog except for once when dog went to neighbours.

OP posts:

DavidPuddy · 30/10/2016 15:20

It sounds like she wants to go shopping for the sake of going shopping and all other plans are just getting in her way. I don't think the dog has anything to do with it and whether family comes or not is probably irrelevant to her. Perhaps she has her eye on some bargains.

KoalaDownUnder · 30/10/2016 15:25

Yeah, the dog is a red herring.

It wouldn't matter if it was the dog she didn't like, or your PIL's choice of wallpaper or background music, or...who cares?! It is ridiculous.

The invitation is to go to your PIL's for lunch. If she doesn't want to go shopping instead, fine. It places fuck-all obligation on anyone else to follow suit.

Original poster

Kokosjumping · 30/10/2016 16:07

PIL have said nothing has ever happened with the dog, she maintains herself nothing has ever happened with the dog, she just says it's because of his size. I know the dog isn't a red herring because the one time he went round to the neighbours (not possible this year) she was happy to bring DD round.

I'm not engaging but equally I don't want to be forced into going out and I don't have input then PIL will just do what she wants

OP posts:

Velvetdarkness · 30/10/2016 16:09

Here's what I would do.
Talk to pils. Tell them you'd love to visit at their house but not go shopping. Ask them to decide what they're inviting you to, house or shopping, and accept or decline based on their decision.
They are basically going to have to choose.

YouTheCat · 30/10/2016 16:11

Tell your pil that you're really looking forward to spending time at their house on Boxing Day then. That way they are left in no doubt as to your wishes.

happypoobum · 30/10/2016 16:14

How would you be forced into going out? I think we are all a bit incredulous at some of your posts OP.

If you all go for lunch, and SIL says she is going out shopping, you wave her off. If PILS say they want to go shopping too, you go home.

I am starting to think it is you who is the difficult one turning this very simple situation into a huge drama. Just do what velvet suggests and that's job done.

harverina · 30/10/2016 16:35

To me the solution is clear. PIL invite you all round, you say yes please that will. E nice, SIL/BIL say no thank you but would you like to come shopping all day? You and PIL say no thanks it's our idea of hell. SIL and BIL then have a think about what THEY do. What they do should not impact what you and PIL do - if you all loved shopping then fine but you don't want to go shopping.

I'm not sure why there would be no point in just you DH and DS going to PIL? Surely it would still be nice to spend time with them without your SIL and BIL?

She sounds like an absolute pain in the ass to be honest. It not a huge fan of dogs being round my DC but If everything you say is true - i.e. The dog is able to be in another room for the majority, it is friendly around people and children etc - then I would be happy with this.

Original poster

Kokosjumping · 30/10/2016 16:45

I assure you I am not creating drama, I just do not want to be forced into going out all day and I know that's what will end up happening.

I've said if the plan is to go out all day then we will come on another day, so there you go.

OP posts:

happypoobum · 30/10/2016 16:51

Well done koko The only way to deal with people like SIL is to keep it simple and stick to your guns.

My2centsworth · 30/10/2016 16:58

Perfect Koko exactly as you should do.

Original poster

Kokosjumping · 30/10/2016 17:02

Thank you all for your advice

OP posts:

myyoyo · 30/10/2016 19:09

Does SIL thrive on drama and attention? Their dc is more likely to be bitten by their own jack Russell.

harverina · 30/10/2016 19:32

I don't think you are the one who is dramatic Op...but I do think you are overthinking this and that you need to suit yourself more rather than bend over backwards for your SIL.

harverina · 30/10/2016 19:36

I don't think you are the one who is dramatic Op...but I do think you are overthinking this and that you need to suit yourself more rather than bend over backwards for your SIL.

diddl · 30/10/2016 20:28

" I just do not want to be forced into going out all day and I know that's what will end up happening."

It can only happen if you let it.

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