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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU, me or SIL?

140 replies

Kokosjumping · 29/10/2016 18:23

We have baby DS, SIL & BIL have 4 year old DD. Boxing Day is to be spent with PIL this year.

SIL is insisting we go out for the day (walking round town sale shopping etc and lunch) because PIL have a dog and she doesn't trust it around DD. I would much much rather we stayed at PILs as DS will not nap in the buggy and he will be a screaming nightmare all day if he doesn't get a decent nap. Would be happy to host at ours but we only have a 1 bed flat. SIL & BIL don't want to host. PIL happy to host.

Dog is big and lolloping but harmless and mostly just sleeps in the corner.

Who is BU? Me or her?

SIL has never been to PILs house since DD was born because of said dog except for once when dog went to neighbours.

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 29/10/2016 20:01

YANBU tbh your sil sounds like she doesnt like the pils and is using the dawg as an excuse

diddl · 29/10/2016 20:01

Well if SIL & BIL don't want to go for lunch then they might as well not bother & meet up with ILs another day for lunch &/or shopping.

It would be nice for all to be there but if SIL/BIL don't want to do what ILs are offering then that's that.

I would tell them that you would love to go.
If SIL gets her way then you either go, go for lunch or not as you wish.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2016 20:23

Good point Mrsmade. My sil does this. Stayed on our drive in a campervan instead of in our lovely spare room with large bed under the pretext dd would wake her ds up (she doesn't). She and brother did this before dd was born once. Does the same thing with my mother. Mother thinks it's because she doesn't want to cause any hassle. Yeh right. That's not what sil says to me. Mind you my mother is a difficult woman.

Nanny0gg · 29/10/2016 20:23

PIL say they want to stay in and host a lunch

Sorted then. You go for lunch. SiL has to explain to in-laws that they're not going.

What does her husband think, btw?

Love51 · 29/10/2016 20:34

So, Sil has been invited to her parents or pils for lunch, and wants to go shopping instead? But instead of declining the invitation she wants you all to come with her. Odd. Say no, you know we are visiting pils for lunch that day.

I have an excellent routine for grocery shopping with my own kids. But the idea of doing browsing with my baby and someone else's 4yo doesn't inspire me!

oldlaundbooth · 29/10/2016 20:36

Fuck shopping on boxing day.

oldlaundbooth · 29/10/2016 20:37

How can they host a lunch if they don't like cooking? Confused

Original poster
Kokosjumping · 29/10/2016 21:01

No PILs are fine with cooking, it's bil and SIL who don't like it

I have no idea what bil thinks as he always does whatever she says - I don't mean that cattily but I have honestly never heard him express an opinion of his own

OP posts:
Parker231 · 29/10/2016 21:08

I don't understand your question? If you don't want to go shopping, then don't - do you normally take instructions from your SIL? I'm sure your PIL would like it if you, your DH and DS stayed at home with them for the day.

raviolidreaming · 29/10/2016 21:10

Neither of you are BU, but your plans are not compatible

This.

Original poster
Kokosjumping · 29/10/2016 21:18

Yes but the point is we are all going up for the day in order to spend it together so if we don't do what SIL wants we won't see each other.

OP posts:
SpecialStains · 29/10/2016 21:21

Can you all book tickets to a pantomime and dinner/lunch after. Family friendly and no need to go to PILs house if SIL won't go.

Bruce02 · 29/10/2016 21:37

You can't all do the same thing together, because you don't all want to do the same thing.

You go to pil and let sil go shopping. Yes it's nice to all be together, but it's not always possible.

Nanny0gg · 29/10/2016 21:41

Yes but the point is we are all going up for the day in order to spend it together so if we don't do what SIL wants we won't see each other

So? Same goes if she doesn't do what you want.

Why should her batshit wishes trump yours?

Again - what does your BiL think?

Original poster
Kokosjumping · 29/10/2016 22:01

I have no idea what bil thinks as I said upthread - she speaks on behalf of both of them

It has been decided we will all go out together for the majority of the day but DH and I will pop back to PILs over lunch so DS can have a nap even though the terrifying dog will be there.

Many of you don't seem to understand that us doing stuff separately isn't an option as otherwise there isn't any point in coming down for the day. SIL said if we don't go out they won't be coming, so that's that.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 29/10/2016 22:09

To be honest if she's going to be that dictatorial I'd tell her to stuff it, you will go to PILS as planned and she can do whatever bonkers thing she likes. Dragging a 4yo round the shops on Boxing Day? Fuck off. There is no way in God's earth I would be a party to that. The 4yo will want to play with her new toys and hang out with her GPs.

Chopstick17 · 29/10/2016 22:23

Just stay in your own homes, sounds exhausting already!

Enidblyton1 · 29/10/2016 22:32

Your Sil sounds a bit ridiculous. I understand her dog worry - never trust even the softest dog 100% around children - but if your Pil are happy to keep the dog in a separate room for the day, I don't see what the issue is? I wonder if your Sil just fancies the Boxing Day sales and is using the dog as an excuse?!
If she really won't come near your Pil's house, then the compromise would be for you to spend the day at Pil's house and just all go out for a couple of hours to meet Sil and Bil for lunch somewhere. I wouldn't take a baby or 4yr old to the Boxing Day sales....crazy!

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/10/2016 22:51

"SIL said if we don't go out they won't be coming, so that's that."
Great. She sounds a pain, better if she stays at home nursing her excuses.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2016 22:53

Many of you don't seem to understand that us doing stuff separately isn't an option as otherwise there isn't any point in coming down for the day. SIL said if we don't go out they won't be coming, so that's that.

But it is an option. You just aren't taking it. Why wouldn't there be a point in seeing the iLs? If your B/Sil stay home because of the dog don't you think your iLs would still love to see you and your family? I would if I were them. Maybe if the deliberate choice was made not to let SiL dictate to you all then she'll start getting the message that she needs to lighten up and this type of situation wouldn't happen again.

Because frankly, if the decision was to go shopping on Boxing Day (which I assume is akin to our 'Black Friday') and drag my baby all over town and then have to to make a 'special trip' to see he got his nap whilst everyone was having a nice lunch, I'd be the one saying that I was staying home!

ChuckGravestones · 29/10/2016 22:58

I dont understand, are you not an adult? Why are you letting her make your plans for you.

Just say no, go to the PIls, and dont move til it is time to go home.

Only1scoop · 29/10/2016 22:59

So your PIL are hosting Boxing Day and you are all going trawling around the shops?
That's bloody rude.

Cucumber5 · 29/10/2016 23:04

I think it's perfectly fine for your SIL to be warey of the dog. She needs to follow her gut instinct but she hasn't told you about any dog nips. However maybe she could suggest to the IL's that they keep the dog elsewhere

HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/10/2016 23:10

So you have never heard your BIL give an opinion as SIL speaks for the both of them, now you are going out for the majority of the day because it's what SIL wants to do. She knows how to jump up and down to get her own way doesn't she!

Who cares if she doesn't go if you refuse to go out. You and PIL were all happy to stay in, that's the majority so SIL should either suck it up or sulk at home. It isn't your responsibility to get PILs 2 children and DGC all together for the day. She does this because she invariably gets her own way. A day of traipsing around shops with a group of people sounds like a shit way to spend time together.

TheNaze73 · 29/10/2016 23:12

YANBU, I'd rather put my face in a camp fire than go shopping on Boxing Day