Who is BU, me or SIL?

[Kokosjumping]

We have baby DS, SIL & BIL have 4 year old DD. Boxing Day is to be spent with PIL this year.

SIL is insisting we go out for the day (walking round town sale shopping etc and lunch) because PIL have a dog and she doesn't trust it around DD. I would much much rather we stayed at PILs as DS will not nap in the buggy and he will be a screaming nightmare all day if he doesn't get a decent nap. Would be happy to host at ours but we only have a 1 bed flat. SIL & BIL don't want to host. PIL happy to host.

Dog is big and lolloping but harmless and mostly just sleeps in the corner.

Who is BU? Me or her?

SIL has never been to PILs house since DD was born because of said dog except for once when dog went to neighbours.

They have a dog of their own!!!

But if she's planning on lunch out and shopping all afternoon, there's no real point in her going to her in laws, is there?

Presumably she's taking the in-laws with her?

I'm with your SIL. I've not been to my parents or FILs since I had my DS because I don't like dogs around small children.

However, shopping on Boxing Day sounds like hell. Can't you all go out for lunch or something?

Yes she wants us all to go shopping

Yanbu and your sil skunds a bit bonkers. If dog is in seoerate room what is the issue? Does she not like your pil?

Suggest something kid friendly to do, like a walk out somewhere nice and leafy.

Has SIL even asked her ILs about the dog??

You go to in laws. You all meet for lunch. It's not your battle. Don't try and fight it.

Don't see why you all have to go out shopping if only she is concerned about dog It's not really seeing your family if you are going round shops.

Dog in other room or at neighbours or you don't all go on same day. We haven't ever all gone on same day to ILs.

Shopping with a 4yr old in Boxing Day. Bad idea. Do what you want to do. Yes it would be nice for the cousins to get together. We have the same issue and rarely see my brother's son. Sadly we cannot control what our relations do and in an ideal world, my dd would see her cousin far more frequently.

She hasn't been to her in laws in 4 years because of the dog?? Either the dog has form or she is being very unreasonable. I understand being worried about small children around dogs but her DD is 4 and with constant supervision, is more than old enough to stay away from the dog or treat him nicely! Oh, and like hell I would be traipsing round shops on boxing day - with or without children!

There's no way I would be traipsing around the shops on Boxing Day. I'd rather eat my own liver tbh.
However, I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. Just wanting to do 2 different things. I think you should do what you want and she should do what she wants.

No the dog genuinely doesn't have form, it is big, I think that is her issue

Well of course if she's that bothered, then she & BIL could always host, rather than going somewhere else & trying to tell everyone that they have to go shopping!

No way in hell would I go shopping on Boxing Day.

If you're visiting your in laws then you do what they have planned, not what your SIL wants, surely?

The dog sounds like a total non-excuse, especially if it's shut up in the kitchen.

SIL doesn't get to tell everyone what to do surely?

Just speak (not text) to PILS and explain that you are happy to visit and spend time with them, you know SIL wants to go Boxing Day shopping but that's your idea of hell. It's really up to PIL, not you, to tell SIL it's not happening. If they all want to go shopping however, then it's you who will have to make other plans and visit them another day.

Trailing round the sales is not a really nice family catch-up day. I wouldn't do it, I will just be stressful with a baby. If she has a problem with the dog that's her problem, not a reason for the entire family to trek around town all day!

Boxing Day shopping? Nah mate.

I would hate to go shopping on Boxing Day. And what if it's raining?

Why won't your BIL and SIL host?

PIL say they want to stay in and host a lunch

They won't host because they don't like cooking

Shops should be closed Christmas eve and boxing day. Don't go shopping on boxing day and use that as your reason just to see the look on her face

Then PIL need to stick to their guns. I would still pick up the phone though as they are more likely to brave it out if they know you are onside.

SIL sounds quite manipulative - you don't know if she has made it sound like your preference too.......

If SIL doesn't want to do what's on offer she shouldn't attend.

If your PIL want to stay in and host then clearly your SIL is being unreasonable.