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AIBU?

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Original poster

Night nurse sleeping through our baby crying

110 replies

SleepyAlpaca · 29/10/2016 08:33

We had a night nurse for 2 weeks as a present from my FIL for our second DS. DS1 is not yet two so we were really grateful for the chance for a bit more sleep! However, last night (after ten days of being in our house) both myself and my husband were woken at 5am as DS2 had been screaming for some time. I went into the room after knocking and the night nurse was fast asleep, whilst DS2 was in the Moses basket face down and unable to breathe properly. I called her name but she didn't wake up! I didn't know how she could sleep through as we could hear him from the other side of the house.
My husband confronted her at 6 and asked what she had been doing, her excuse was that he had been up and very unsettled until 4 am so she'd fallen really deeply asleep. She promised it hadn't happened before. My husband refused to pay her for last night and asked her never to come back, but should we have paid her for last night?

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 29/10/2016 08:37

He's too little to roll, how was he on his tummy? Had she put him to sleep on tummy. If so, that would be enough in itself to dismiss her from my perspective.

MrsLindor · 29/10/2016 08:38

In my opinion, she completed the shift so yes you should have paid her.

Creampastry · 29/10/2016 08:39

A 2 week old couldn't roll over???!!!!

ChippyDucks · 29/10/2016 08:39

Surely if she was a present from your FIL he would have paid her already?

BigBadBarryTheFish · 29/10/2016 08:39

Good god no. If she works nights then she should sleep in the day! And if she can sleep through a baby screaming then she is in the wrong profession.

Is she self employed, or is there a company you could complain to?

user1471517900 · 29/10/2016 08:39

I didn't know a night nurse was a thing! Have learned something today....

FeckinCrutches · 29/10/2016 08:39

Why had she put him to sleep on his tummy?

Spadequeen · 29/10/2016 08:39

Yanbu

Cheby · 29/10/2016 08:40

I'm not sure. My husband would sleep through his own newborn crying though (although he's unlikely to ever work as a night nurse!). Some people do. I'd probably ask her not to come back as you have done. I think maybe you should pay her for what she worked though, especially if she had been up with your newborn most of the night already.

EsmesBees · 29/10/2016 08:41

Yes I would be more worried about he fact he was on his tummy than her not hearing him. I wouldn't have paid either.

Cheby · 29/10/2016 08:42

It is possible for a 2 week old to roll. DD did. She could roll on to her side from birth (she did this literally the very first time she was laid down) and from there it's possible for them to topple on to their fronts, especially if thrashing around crying.

TronaldDump · 29/10/2016 08:42

We had an awful night nurse once who tried to wrap a muslin over DS' face to hold a dummy in. It shook me up for ages. I paid her as I was on my own, tired and upset but in retrospect I wish I hadn't. I think your husband did the right thing. Hope you're not too upset from the experience - you trust someone to follow the guidelines on your behalf, not to take risks with your new baby's safely.

GreatFuckability · 29/10/2016 08:42

A baby unable to breathe properly wouldn't be screaming the house down.
You should pay her.

Getnakedorgohome · 29/10/2016 08:43

Although if he was screaming loud enough to wake you the other side of the house then he certainly could breathe properly. He shouldn't have been face down if it's not something you had discussed and agreed and she shouldn't have slept through the crying! I think YANBU not to pay for last night and I wouldn't have her back either, the trust is gone.

Moomoomango · 29/10/2016 08:45

That's the problem with employing people to do a parents job. I'd never employ someone to care for my child so young when it really needs the nurturing protective parents.

GreatFuckability · 29/10/2016 08:49

The OP doesn't say the baby is 2 weeks by the way, just that the night nurse was for 2 weeks. How old is DC?

HaPPy8 · 29/10/2016 08:50

Yes you should pay her, but its reasonable not to have her back.

Penfold007 · 29/10/2016 08:50

Had the same nurse done all ten nights?

mymilkshakes00 · 29/10/2016 08:50

Not only would I not pay her but complain too. A baby put to bed on their tummy and she was snoring away ? That would piss me off to no end. Doesn't she have training for this sort of situation. What's the point of her being called a night nurse.

newmumwithquestions · 29/10/2016 08:52

For the sleeping through I think paying her to 4am is the right thing, that's when she worked to.

I'd be very concerned about her putting baby to sleep on her tummy without consulting you first. There are reasons why it can be a good thing to do but given it's against the SIDS advice I would expect this to be discussed first. Doing it without discussion would be enought for me to sack her.

I suspect though that if your baby was screaming that loudly she was breathing fine!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/10/2016 08:52

That's the problem with employing people to do a parents job. I'd never employ someone to care for my child so young when it really needs the nurturing protective parents.

Seems a bit unecessary. Hmm

I am the nurturing over protective parent and I have turned off the monitor like an alarm clock during my most sleep deprived state. Luckily DP was there to realise this and go to DD.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 29/10/2016 08:53

As BigBadBarry wrote:

"If she works nights then she should sleep in the day! And if she can sleep through a baby screaming then she is in the wrong profession"

How old is your baby? I don't think you said?

A tiny baby rolling is surprising. DS was a very early roller at 12 weeks (somewhat annoyingly!), and no other baby I know rolled until 4-6 months.

If your DS2 is under that age, it seems more likely that after hours of soothing a crying baby the night nanny put him down on his tummy so he'd settle and she could sleep.

Don't quite understand the money, as it was a present to you? But I'd be getting a refund for any days left and using that on another night nanny who is of a higher standard.

I probably wouldn't have refused to pay for last night, but only paid until 4/5am, whenever she stopped doing her job, or a little less due to the unprofessional behaviour. Either she hadn't been prepared to do a night job, which is rubbish to then expect to be able to do the job in the first place, and / or she laid the baby on her stomach against all SIDS advice, which is shockingly bad behaviour as well.

Either way, you hired her to do a job, which she didn't do. She has broken your trust and proved herself unreliable as well. You are trusting her with the most precious and vulnerable thing in your life. A great deal of trust is needed otherwise how would you be able to sleep if you had to be vigilant each time you heard a squeak and waited to hear if she'd responded appropriately.

How crap, and I'm sorry you now have no help when you'd anticipated a few more nights, and probably had planned around getting those full nights sleep.

JosephineMaynard · 29/10/2016 08:56

I'd be worried about the baby being on his tummy too.

Clearly, given the crying, he was able to breathe ok, but the guidelines about putting them on their backs to sleep are there for a very good reason and shouldn't be ignored.

NoahVale · 29/10/2016 08:57

how common are night nurses?

she must have put your lo to sleep on his tummy.
bad idea.
and then she didnt wake up, despite this being her job.

what a worry.
i am not sure if i would continue with her
is she leaving soon anyway?

NoahVale · 29/10/2016 08:58

she isnt coming back i see.
well good for your dh. he did the right thing.