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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Night nurse sleeping through our baby crying

110 replies

SleepyAlpaca · 29/10/2016 08:33

We had a night nurse for 2 weeks as a present from my FIL for our second DS. DS1 is not yet two so we were really grateful for the chance for a bit more sleep! However, last night (after ten days of being in our house) both myself and my husband were woken at 5am as DS2 had been screaming for some time. I went into the room after knocking and the night nurse was fast asleep, whilst DS2 was in the Moses basket face down and unable to breathe properly. I called her name but she didn't wake up! I didn't know how she could sleep through as we could hear him from the other side of the house.
My husband confronted her at 6 and asked what she had been doing, her excuse was that he had been up and very unsettled until 4 am so she'd fallen really deeply asleep. She promised it hadn't happened before. My husband refused to pay her for last night and asked her never to come back, but should we have paid her for last night?

OP posts:
Bubblegum18 · 29/10/2016 09:37

I have three childrenSierra one was only 2.5 when we had dc3 but I wouldn't I trust a complete stranger to care for my baby during the night. I'm sorry that's my opinion it's too alien to me that I would go through that process of having a baby then In trust a stranger to met that babies needs.

MrsDeVere · 29/10/2016 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franincisco · 29/10/2016 09:38

There is something really sad about leaving a tiny baby with a virtual stranger, the other side of the house from its parents. I'm trying not to be judgy about it but it makes my stomach clench just thinking about it.

This was my initial reaction too and I don't consider myself to even be a good parent There is no way I could sleep properly knowing that my (assuming) newborn is at the other side of the house with a stranger.

For those for which this is a thing; is the purpose of these night nannies to do night feeds and let the parents get some extra sleep, or is it to "sleep train" them? Also how much do they cost?

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 29/10/2016 09:40

How was ds screaming if he couldn't breathe properly? Total over reaction on your parts. Of course she should be paid. I can't believe you sacked her.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/10/2016 09:41

It's irrelevant whether you would like a night nurse. The OP didn't ask for opinions on whether she should get one.

TartyTart · 29/10/2016 09:43

The night nannies around here all come highly recommended and are not just some stranger

Less judging please.

Northernlurker · 29/10/2016 09:44

I think it would be helpful for some posters to remember we all parent differently and having somebody provide care for your child whilst you sleep is not neglectful. Quite the opposite actually, some people do very badly in little sleep and in the state are less able to parent effectively.
The problem here is that the person hired for the job has failed on two counts - by being asleep when they should be awake AND by putting the baby in the tummy without discussing with the parents.
Sone babies do settle much better on their tummy. Anybody with experience of babies will know that and if the baby is supervised by an awake person who is only going to be doing that then the risk is low. That isn't what hPpened here. The nurse should not be paid for the shift and I would contact her Agency too.

BakeOffBiscuits · 29/10/2016 09:44

Surely if she was a present from your FIL he would have paid her already?

How do you know he had been crying for some time of you were both asleep

Why are you paying if she was a present?

If he was screaming then he must have been breathing pretty well

Just thought these points needed repeating.

BlackSwan · 29/10/2016 09:45

If the baby is a newborn, she must have put him on his tummy to sleep, which is a no-no. Her falling asleep isn't the issue - but failing to wake up is as is the way he was found when he woke up. I think it's hideous everyone trying to cross examine the OP about the method of payment and questioning the veracity of her post. I would have paid her for the night but have told her not to come back.

Meadows76 · 29/10/2016 09:48

The night nannies around here all come highly recommended and are not just some stranger. My gardener came recommended. He is still a bloody stranger Confused

TartyTart · 29/10/2016 09:48

BakeOff - are you reading the thread? Each of these points have been discussed.

I suspect those who are so against night nannies have very young children and are right in the middle of that mist.

I'm well past that point and have seen that it's the long haul that really matters. The odd helping hand here or there means nothing.

(I was guilty of engaging in this myself at the same period. Now? Meh)

Remotechance · 29/10/2016 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MistresssIggi · 29/10/2016 09:50

I think gf who prey on the anxieties of new parents should be shot. Just saying.

icanteven · 29/10/2016 09:50

After DD2 was sleeping through the night, DH and I agreed that we would only ever have a third if we could afford a night nurse from about 3 weeks to 2 years .

Alabastard · 29/10/2016 09:51

I see the op has vanished when questions were posed.

This whole thing doesn't really make sense.

icanteven · 29/10/2016 09:52

After DD2 was sleeping through the night, DH and I agreed that we would only ever have a third if we could afford a night nurse from about 3 weeks to 2 years .

Moomoomango Have you come across this? Might be right up your street! Biscuit

Goingtobeawesome · 29/10/2016 09:53

Sleeping through screaming baby = no good at being a night nurse.

icanteven · 29/10/2016 09:53

Oops - sorry for the double post! Mumsnet has been freezing on me when I hit post (trying to tell me something?) lately.

Northernlurker · 29/10/2016 09:54

I'm not surprised the op isn't answering the questions. She has two very small children and she's getting bugger all support from this.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/10/2016 09:55

I'd love to know how you can book a night nurse a year in advance. Presumably you're not even pregnant yet Confused

I know lots of people who use night nurses with no problems. I don't necessarily think they're a bad thing if that's your thing.

SpaceUnicorn · 29/10/2016 09:56

BakeOff - are you reading the thread? Each of these points have been discussed

There's been some conjecture on some of those points from others posters, but unless I've missed it the OP hasn't responded to anything, has she?

SierraGolf · 29/10/2016 10:04

Bubblegum18 then why comment at all on this thread? She did hire someone and had a bad experience and she does not need someone to make her feel bad for wanting sleep!

Sleep deprivation drives you to extremes. It places an enormous amount of stress on the body and can cause hallucinations in the extreme. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, especially when it will make you a better parent during the day. In the depths of sleep deprivation it is not a question of bonding it is a matter of keeping them alive!

From what I understand about the job of a night nanny they will bring the baby to you only for feeds if you are breastfeeding and will do all the other stuff like burping, changing, soothing etc which means you get more sleep.

GrumpyOldBag · 29/10/2016 10:20

Lay off the OP will you please people?

She has a toddler and a small baby and has had a pretty traumatic experience.

Maybe she is busy looking after her kids, maybe she is catching up on sleep. But FFS don't berate her just because she hasn't returned to the thread yet to answer your questions. Some of which are clearly aiming to make her feel even worse than she probably already does.

SpunkyMummy · 29/10/2016 10:25
  1. She is a night nurse!! She can either stay up all night or wake up when a child screams. She has a deep sleep? Well, tough for her. Different profession or no sleeping at night.
  1. How old is the baby??! And why was the LO on his stomach?
  1. That woman did not complete her shift. She slept right through it. Why should she be paid?!
  1. Your DH did then right thing.
  1. Good luck, OP! Night nurses aren't a bad thing. They're actually great... this way you have the energy to be awake and there for your 2 kids during the day... and they get a job. So, win win for everyone involved. However: did the night nurse have good recommendations etc?
  1. Was she drunk? I mean, seeing as an adult couldn't wake her?! Shock
iminshock · 29/10/2016 10:29

This thread does not make sense