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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Night nurse sleeping through our baby crying

110 replies

SleepyAlpaca · 29/10/2016 08:33

We had a night nurse for 2 weeks as a present from my FIL for our second DS. DS1 is not yet two so we were really grateful for the chance for a bit more sleep! However, last night (after ten days of being in our house) both myself and my husband were woken at 5am as DS2 had been screaming for some time. I went into the room after knocking and the night nurse was fast asleep, whilst DS2 was in the Moses basket face down and unable to breathe properly. I called her name but she didn't wake up! I didn't know how she could sleep through as we could hear him from the other side of the house.
My husband confronted her at 6 and asked what she had been doing, her excuse was that he had been up and very unsettled until 4 am so she'd fallen really deeply asleep. She promised it hadn't happened before. My husband refused to pay her for last night and asked her never to come back, but should we have paid her for last night?

OP posts:

NoahVale · 29/10/2016 08:59

surely you dont need to pay anyway, given she was a present from your FIL?

PerspicaciaTick · 29/10/2016 08:59

If he was screaming then he must have been breathing pretty well - although I am very concerned as to how he got on to his tummy, that puts a really big question mark over the night nurse's judgement.

I think I would have just asked her to leave, once the trust is gone you weren't going to be sleeping well even if she was there. I'm not clear why you paid her when her time was a gift from the ILs - have you been paying her twice?

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 29/10/2016 09:00

I'm surprised so many people say u should have paid her. She was solely there to look after a very small baby at night, and she wasn't doing that! If it was a nanny who had worked hard looking after several kids all day, or an inexperienced au pair who'd been doing housekeeping all day, there would be some excuse. But if her sole job is attending to a baby at night, and for whatever reason she can't wake up and do that, she isn't doing the job to a good enough standard.
Rolling onto front so young (assuming 2-4 weeks) is a bit unusual, but other posters have said possible - did u have any impression the baby could roll? If not, I'd be worried about the night nurses methods - putting babies on their tummies has been a big no-no for >20 years :-/

SleepyHare · 29/10/2016 09:02

Why are you paying if she was a present?

How old is baby?

This doesn't make any sense.

Meadows76 · 29/10/2016 09:03

Why are you paying her if your FIL got her as a present?

The not being able to breathe properly thing is utter shite. Of course your baby was able to breathe properly, they were screaming the place down.

I wouldn't have her back, because night shift is just that, night shift and she should have been awake. However, I wouldn't have trusted a stranger to take care of my newborn in the first place :/

FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 09:06

There is something really sad about leaving a tiny baby with a virtual stranger, the other side of the house from its parents. I'm trying not to be judgy about it but it makes my stomach clench just thinking about it.

SpotTheDuck · 29/10/2016 09:08

You were right not to pay her.

Please complain to whatever agency she came from - you'll save another family from her!

And ignore the stupid post above suggesting you shouldn't hire a night nurse - lots of people do, and it's a great way to catch up on sleep (especially when you have an older one that's still not sleeping!).

idontlikealdi · 29/10/2016 09:10

How do you know he had been crying for some time of you were both asleep and why was he on his tummy?

Specialapplek · 29/10/2016 09:14

Amongst my friends night nurses are a given. We call them nannies and hire them for a minimum of a month after baby's arrival. They are great help practically and offer much needed emotional support as well because they are so experienced with babies. Good nannies are booked up to 1 year in advance!

I think it's perfectly possible for a 2 week old to roll over by himself so OP's night nurse may not have put him to sleep on his tummy. As a one off I would not fire the night nurse over sleeping through baby's crying either. It happens to the best of us...

junebirthdaygirl · 29/10/2016 09:16

Was she doing the 10 nights straight? In a hospital a nurse usually works 7 nights on 7 off. My friend is a night nurse and she usually does 2 nights a week rather than the full 10 together. Maybe it was all too much for her.

Bubblegum18 · 29/10/2016 09:16

I have to agree with Flapstie doing the night feeds as a parents helps the bonding process, sleepless nights are part of it when you decide to have a baby and all that comes with it but hire help through the night so you can sleep when a baby is a newborn seems very odd to me and to sleep on the opposite of the house. I speak as having a 6 month old it seems very alien to me.

I could understand hiring someone to get baby to sleep through when they are older or if you returned to work but not a newborn baby.

As for the lady in question how many shifts has she been doing in a row without a break? I would pay her and not ask her to return.

pizzapop · 29/10/2016 09:16

People, she doesn't say that the baby is 2 weeks.

Rubies12345 · 29/10/2016 09:18

I'm not sure. My husband would sleep through his own newborn crying though (although he's unlikely to ever work as a night nurse!). Some people do

I think you're missing the point. This lady works the nightshift. She shouldn't have been sleeping on the job in the first place.

SpaceUnicorn · 29/10/2016 09:18

Surely if she was a present from your FIL he would have paid her already?

How do you know he had been crying for some time of you were both asleep

Why are you paying if she was a present?

If he was screaming then he must have been breathing pretty well

Some pertinent questions/points here, would be great if the OP could respond to them as I'm finding hard to understand exactly what went on.

Flannelmcpoppety · 29/10/2016 09:19

Don't you have a contract? Either with her or the agency? When you employ someone it isn't usually possible to just not pay them if you think they haven't done a good job.

So you'd better check the terms of employment/ your agreement with her or the agency.

I wouldn't want her back either though; no point if she's not helping/ not keeping him safe.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 29/10/2016 09:19

But if you are night nurse surely you stay awake at night and sleep by day? She shouldn't have been in bed at all surely? I mean I know it's boring just sitting while the baby is sleeping but every other night shift worker does the same, I imagine some night security jobs are very boring but they would be fired for sleeping on the job

TartyTart · 29/10/2016 09:22

The night nannies I've known through friends tend not to sleep during the night - they get their sleep in the daytime as they are in effect doing night shifts.

I always fell asleep deeply at about 5am after a tough night - and I am a light sleeper - but I suspect here this nanny has another job during the day meaning she wasn't catching up during the day.

TartyTart · 29/10/2016 09:23

No cabbage - snap!

insancerre · 29/10/2016 09:27

I'm confused
The night nurse was a present that you had to pay for yourself
The baby was face down in the moses basket but was still able to scream
Your 2 week old baby can roll over and lift its head up

SierraGolf · 29/10/2016 09:28

Moomoomango I am really disappointed by your comment. It is not what you need after a harrowing experience and does not help the situation at all.

I wonder why you even bothered to comment; if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

SleepyAlpaca, please don't listen to Moomoomango. At the depths of sleep deprivation I was seriously considering taking out a loan to pay for a night nanny that we really couldn't afford.

HouseOfGingerbread · 29/10/2016 09:28

Presumably FIL has gifted them the money and left them to organise their choice of night nurse/agency.

pizzapop · 29/10/2016 09:31

Your 2 week old baby can roll over and lift its head up

THE OP DOESN'T SAY THAT THE BABY IS 2 WEEKS OLD

SierraGolf · 29/10/2016 09:34

Bubblegum18 she hired the night nanny or DS 2. She has another child and is clearly in need of sleep. Don't judge!

NoahVale · 29/10/2016 09:34

if you are on Night Duty, you are on Night Duty. therefore you sleep during the day.

insancerre · 29/10/2016 09:36

Pizzapop

Thanks, I didn't read it properly, did I?
Whoops!

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