AIBU to tell my 12yo he's too old for trick or treating?

[pennyspent]

My 12yo DS has been invited trick-or-treating by some friends, but I don't want him to go. In the past we've always gone out as a family (I have a 10yo too), but last year I told DS1 it was probably his last time. It's not just his age, but his height - he's almost 5' 9""! I think trick or treating is fine for little kids, going round the neighbours, but I don't like to see older kids and teens doing it.

I've said he can invite friends round to watch a Halloween movie instead. He's happy with the plan in principal, but so far everyone's said no because they're all going out trick or treating! Feeling bad about it. AIBU?

No-one is saying any specific teens will misbehave or deliberately scare older people. The issue is whether they do intimidate them. Unfortunately the behaviour of a badly brought up minority of young people has an unfair impact on the way people see the rest. But this is the reality.

My older DS12 stays in and answers the door whilst younger DS goes trick or treating.

There is a difference (and you see it when you are answering the door) - the little ones are all slightly amazed at it all and enthusiastic, slightly wonderous at the mass of sweets they collate.

As the older children come around, they are generally more about what they can grab ...it's becomes more about the sweets rather than the fun....(and I watched this change in my own son too, it's not just about other people's children)

I'm with you and have refused to allow my 5'11 DS to go out for the last 2 years ( hes now 14) its just not appropriate to be knocking on strangers doors asking or sweets at that age and at that size. Scary for older folk. No problem if he wants to dress up for a party or something , but not out begging for sweets

YADNBU

I don't think 12 is too old at all I still went trick or treating at 14.
I think being 5'9'' is a bit of an issue though, people might question how old he actually is.

YANBU.

My 13 y/o didn't go trick or treating last year and if he actually wanted to go this year I'd say no. He's taller than me, very broad and looks like a young man rather than a child.

I don't like teens knocking on our door at halloween and so we don't answer the door after about 6.30pm because round here all of the cute little ones are done and back home by then.

My DC stopped after Y6 so age 11 was last time. I think it's really for younger DC, but if I didn't have to be involved I'd have let them go with friends. Sitting on the fence, here!

We still carve a pumpkin and have sweets ready for trick or treaters and watch a spooky film, though this year they want to watch The Shining!

Also, around here, if you aren't decorated for Halloween, you don't get bothered. If you have lights or a pumpkin, you are fair game. No decorations, nobody knocks.

Yabu I still went at 14 :D

I think up to the age of 14/15 is reasonable, but after that you are an older teenager and should probably move on to parties, scary movies with friends or similar to celebrate Halloween eg stuff they can organise themselves (which younger children can't take part in) and leave the trick or treating for the younger kids.

sorry I meant to write "up to 13/14"

I think YABU OP. We still get groups of younger teenagers trick or treating around my area. I have no issue whatsoever with that and they seem to really enjoy it. My older DS wouldn't want to go now - he's 15 - but he will answer the door and hand out treats. Regardless of your DS height, he's still a child at 12!

Yanbu our cut off is last year of primary school. Once you are in secondary school you are too old in this house.

It's interesting to read this thread where quite a lot of people are saying their 12-14 year olds look more like young men than boys, in a week when there's been such a fuss in the media about boys from elsewhere who look more like young men. Seems to me it's quite normal.

I'm happy to see teenagers as long as they've dressed up properly. A couple of years ago I gave a stiff warning to two lads from the next street years ago that a Scream mask and a tracksuit is not Sweet-worthy, and they returned properly dressed as Zombies the following year.

We are lucky that in our city people stick to the rule of just knocking at houses with decorations, so I don't think older teens need to worry about bothering people who don't want to get involved.

I think youre being a good parent but if hes young and innocent enough to go out dressed up for sweeties let him go

Perhaps if you went with him? It might not do his street cred any good, but if it's trick of treating that he wants to do, then he wont mind.
Halloween parties are good too - maybe next year?

Could he go with younger children? My 12 year old will be dressed up taking my 5 year old dd too.

I've capitulated and am letting my just turned 13yo DS to go with his friends. He knows the rules about 8pm return, being polite and only knocking on decorated/pumpkin out houses.

We don't get many people up to our house trick or treating as its a bit off the beaten track - too scary! I remember a few years ago some teens made it to our place and we were all delighted to see them! Partly as we don't get many, but mainly that we live in a village and I know a lot of these kids, and miss them, don't see them as much when they go off to secondary.

So as far as I'm concerned, yes I want teens to come to my house and I'd be pleased to see them. Don't shut your teens away!

I absolutely hate the tradition of trick or treat. My children are desperate to join in and the answer is always no. The reason is simple, I spend all year telling them not to talk to strangers, and I certainly would not let them ask strangers for sweets, so why do the rules change on one night a year? My children have sweets, the ones I buy them, and we carve pumpkins and have fun, but it's definitely a no to knocking on doors of people we barely know or don't know, intimidating them and begging for sweets.

YABVU he's not to old bless him!

I don't care what age they are or how tall they are when they come trick or treating to our house as long as they're dressed up and they're polite they'll get some sweets from us.

I would be interested to know of all these very young children who want to go trick or treating, how many will defy their parents when they are teenagers because all their friends are doing it.

Mine were allowed to go up until year seven. Then I agreed to have friends over for films etc. Yanbu at all. Groups of older children can be very intimidating. Since providing them with a younger sibling they are allowed to take him, as long as they are back by seven. Can you arrange for him to take some little ones if he's desperate to go?

It's mainly primary school age around here, but I'm happy to see older ones if they've dressed up and got into the spirit of things rather than just wandering around knocking on doors looking for sweets.

Pretty sure my older DS went when he was 12.

Given his height YANBU. Its an American tradition that I wish would die out here.

DD is 12 and 5'1". Sweet little thing. It doesn't feel fair that she can go, but I'd be saying no if I had a 6'2" son the same age (seriously, one of her peers started secondary last year at that height). I'd say to that son, and I'll say to DD - decorated houses only, any doubts and you don't knock. Stand back, don't crowd the person who opens the door. Say thank you. And I know she'll make an effort with her costume, she's very excited about it - no risk she's doing it just to grab the sweets.