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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my 12yo he's too old for trick or treating?

178 replies

pennyspent · 27/10/2016 21:44

My 12yo DS has been invited trick-or-treating by some friends, but I don't want him to go. In the past we've always gone out as a family (I have a 10yo too), but last year I told DS1 it was probably his last time. It's not just his age, but his height - he's almost 5' 9""! I think trick or treating is fine for little kids, going round the neighbours, but I don't like to see older kids and teens doing it.

I've said he can invite friends round to watch a Halloween movie instead. He's happy with the plan in principal, but so far everyone's said no because they're all going out trick or treating! Feeling bad about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 28/10/2016 00:42

Where does it actually say there is an age limit?

Why would a 12 year old be frightening anyway? They are dressing up and joining in the fun.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 28/10/2016 01:01

Probably because he's 5ft 9 and very likely looks older Willow

WombOfOnesOwn · 28/10/2016 06:34

To every person who sniffs about older children trick or treating: What exactly would people prefer preteens and teens spend Halloween doing?

Drinking at parties? Playing pranks? Vandalizing houses? Playing kissing games?

Which of these activities common to preteens and teens on Halloween sounds more wholesome and good for a child to engage in than trick-or-treating? Oh no, you might have to spend a few percent more on candy. Were you hoping to have leftovers to munch on yourself? It's pretty ironic to look down on teenagers who want candy because you'd like to keep a little hoard for yourself.

feelingdizzy · 28/10/2016 06:46

I know what you mean,my ds almost 13 is 5 ' 11 ! He's quite young in many ways,but stuck in the body of a man .
He is doing a dress up thing with a much smaller friend,a little and large thing.

shakemysilliesout · 28/10/2016 06:46

Anyone else thinking of that freaks and geeks episode? Honestly I think it's primary school only really....can't the teens be in charge of handing out sweets and give their parents a break from the doorbell?

Ellieboolou27 · 28/10/2016 06:47

womb I would prefer teens to stay indoors and have their own party rather than knocking at my door, which makes my dog bark, which wakes my kids up, which interrupts my evening after a long hard day at work. I don't like any kids young or teens to be knocking at my door expecting to be given sweets.

Trifleorbust · 28/10/2016 07:40

I think 12 is a bit old. Trick or treating is for little kids. He's practically a teenager. I think quite a lot of people are intimidated by adolescents knocking on the door and might feel obliged to give money, particularly if they are alone or elderly. That's not particularly fair and certainly no reflection on your son, but I think it is too old. Sorry.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 07:43

womb instead of throwing ridiculous insults around how about actually reading what people are writing.

As for what will they do.

My DSC are going to a friends party.

PikachuSayBoo · 28/10/2016 07:48

I think as long as they only go to houses with a pumpkin then that's fair enough. Then they won't be knocking on doors of anyone elderly/scared of unexpected callers.

heron98 · 28/10/2016 07:48

is it not a bit patronising to suggest an elderly person might be frightened by a 12 year old in a Halloween costume? They're old, not stupid.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 28/10/2016 07:51

Yanbu. I said this on another thread, but I think trick or treating is for little children only. As in, young enough to need accompanying.

defineme · 28/10/2016 07:53

My 11 year old is 5ft 8, size 9 feet, he's going with a friend but supervised by friend's mum. I have made sure his costume is more cute than scary. we only go round the decorated houses. A lot of older kids do it with younger siblings too. I am going with his twin sister and her friend, who no one will have a problem with because they are small and cute cats!

exLtEveDallas · 28/10/2016 07:56

DD is 11 and I've told her I think she is too old for all this now. She's V pissed off with me. But my reasons:

  1. Why does she want sweets from the neighbours when we have a tin of them sitting mouldering on the countertop that she hasn't eaten since the summer.
  1. It's on Monday night - she has a club after school so it will be dark by the time she gets home, then an hour of homework, then tea, then it's far too dark for her to go out (country village, no street lights).
  1. The village is full of grannies that might get scared or simply not take part.
  1. I'm not paying £20 for an outfit she'll wear once, and a fiver for crap make-up that will make her break out causing even more teen angst in the days to come.
  1. I offered to take her to the Halloween disco tonight but she said it would be 'full of babies'
  1. She didn't mention it until she discovered her new friends were doing it (on the lovely lit-up estate in town)
  1. She went to a party last year, she hated it, came back moaning, her 'friend' did something horrible, said it was boring and 'lame'.

So screw it, I'm being a moany old hag that isn't letting her do it. She'll live.

TheNaze73 · 28/10/2016 07:57

YANBU. Trick or treating (if it must happen) should be for children of 7 & below & should only knock on doors of people you know

ChuckitintheBucket · 28/10/2016 07:58

What is it with some people and teenagers! Honestly if you treat them like normal human beings then you might just stop feeling so intimidated by then. I've no problem with teens trick or treating, who says they are too old.

Middleoftheroad · 28/10/2016 08:02

He's just a kid who wants to go trick or treating so let him enjoy it while he can.

Trifleorbust · 28/10/2016 08:04

I am not saying I am frightened by 12 year olds but I would certainly be a bit Hmm

My neighbour, however, lives alone and is 87. If a group of teenagers knocked on her door asking for 'trick or treat' she might well worry that the little sweets she got in for five year olds would be disdained by older children and might feel obliged to give out money instead. Lots of older people are also old enough to remember when 'trick' meant getting your windows egged or your tyres let down! I am not saying any specific teens are likely to do this, but I do think unaccompanied groups of 12+ year olds knocking and asking for stuff are potentially intimidating. Just because your child is nice doesn't mean this won't be the outcome.

FlemCandango · 28/10/2016 08:08

I hate the whole notion of trick or treating and don't send my children out to do it. I have a tall 12 yo ds, hehas no interest in going, if people of any age come to the door they will get some sweets I suppose. But really I think it is a shit thing to do. Have a Halloween themed party,carve pumpkins, dress up, dance the monster mash, do apple bobbing, tell spooky stories, there are lots of fun things to do at Halloween. Trick or treating is lame sugar based extortion.

BabyGanoush · 28/10/2016 08:11

At 12 I'd let him go for one more time...

My 11 (almost 12) yr old will go out with his friends, they have gone in the same group since they were 3. They are still "little" imo, and very polite.

The article about 6ft trick and treaters made we feel a bit... awwww

My 14 yr old is 6ft with a bass voice, and I put him kn charge of giving sweets out, also he'll be watching a movie with some friends....wonder if they'll have last minute regrets like in the article

It is funny being a mum of teenage boys. To me they are so obviously still kids, just tall ones. But the other day 6ft DS was with me in the co-op, and a shop worker asked him to either take his hoodie off or leave Shock. Apparently lots of shops don't allow hoodie-teens. Made me Shock and Sad

Tardigrade001 · 28/10/2016 08:12

Of course he should go! How sad, a 12 year old not allowed to go trick or treating!

Did you say you always went as a family before? So he never actually hot to go just with friends?

Madinche1sea · 28/10/2016 08:12

It's s tricky one. DS1 is 13 and has always loved Halloween, but this year he's declared he's "too old" for it. Sad He's 6ft tall now and worried he will scare people! His friends are all saying they're too old /cool to go as well. I have 3 younger DC who are totally hyped to go as usual and not sure what to do with DS1 on Monday night while they're all out having fun.

Tardigrade001 · 28/10/2016 08:12

Got, not hot

Trifleorbust · 28/10/2016 08:15

Madinche1sea: Your son sounds like a sweetie!

NoahVale · 28/10/2016 08:16

i would let him go as long as he wanted to. he may try it this year and feel he is too old, too tall in comparison.

WhooooAmI24601 · 28/10/2016 08:17

DS1 is 11 and has declared that this will be his last year of trick or treating (he's 5'7" so a big lad) as he'll be in high school by next halloween. He and his best friend (female) go in a little group around our estate which is very family-friendly. People actually drive their children into our estate to go trick or treating because it's such a lovely place. The rule is that they don't knock if the house isn't decorated and nearly everyone abides by this. I don't see anything wrong with young teens trick or treating at all.