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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell my 12yo he's too old for trick or treating?

178 replies

pennyspent · 27/10/2016 21:44

My 12yo DS has been invited trick-or-treating by some friends, but I don't want him to go. In the past we've always gone out as a family (I have a 10yo too), but last year I told DS1 it was probably his last time. It's not just his age, but his height - he's almost 5' 9""! I think trick or treating is fine for little kids, going round the neighbours, but I don't like to see older kids and teens doing it.

I've said he can invite friends round to watch a Halloween movie instead. He's happy with the plan in principal, but so far everyone's said no because they're all going out trick or treating! Feeling bad about it. AIBU?

OP posts:

spicyfajitas · 28/10/2016 08:31

My children went trick or treating for the first time last year. Eldest was 11.
We had some teenage girls come last year. They we're my favourites. They'd put so much effort into their costume and were having great fun.

healthyheart · 28/10/2016 08:33

Too old. We always stopped it when they got to high school. Too intimidating. Primary school yes, that's what it's all about.

Squeegle · 28/10/2016 08:56

My DS is 12, he is also tall, around 5,7. He really wants to go out, but he doesn't want to dress up! I think he wants to go out and throw eggs and flour and stuff, so I have said he should not go out. I think if you are going to do trick or treat it's ok as long as you dress up and are responsible

CauliflowerSqueeze · 28/10/2016 08:58

As they say, if you're old enough to go trick or treating without your mum or dad, you're too old.

Confusednotcom · 28/10/2016 08:59

Yabu! Poor him. Please don't make him feel it's childish, loads of kids do it our way up to 14 I'd guess and certainly for younger teenagers trick or treating on their own for the first time is a real highlight.

Footle · 28/10/2016 09:03

'Not his fault he's tall' - someone tell the Daily Fail ..

BolshierAryaStark · 28/10/2016 09:04

Stop being a spoil sport & let him go

BigGreenOlives · 28/10/2016 09:10

Trick or treating stops when you go to senior school. Easy rule which seems to be applied around here. Also no bell ringing unless there's a pumpkin out & generally expected to have ended around 8pm. Usually get about 100 children.

BabyGanoush · 28/10/2016 09:12

Madinche1sea... let him invite some friends over for candy (sweets! We're in the UK tuttut) and a movie (film )

Maybe Shaun of the dead?

Katedotness1963 · 28/10/2016 09:14

I don't mind teenagers coming to the door, even tall ones. It's just a bit of fun once a year. After reading about the "6 foot trick or treaters" a few years ago and blubbing like a baby I am even more determined to welcome them. My vote is let him go.

Lilicat1013 · 28/10/2016 09:27

Personally I am happy with anyone trick or treating, as long as they are polite. I put a battery pumpkin in the window to show we are participating.

Maybe just suggest he goes to houses with lots of decorations on, which shows they are very in to halloween and more likely not to mind. This would help to avoid older people who might be happy to hand out sweets to younger children but intimidated by older ones.

I sympathise with your son, I looked at an old picture of myself going on a school trip. I was either ten or eleven but looked about fifteen. I spent my whole childhood hearing 'aren't you too old for that?' about various things from strangers because they assumed I was a lot older than I was.

Willow2016 · 28/10/2016 09:32

I think the idea that pensioners have a common fear of teens (and lets face it 12 isnt really a teenager and he isnt going to wave a knife in their face is he?) is a bit patronising. They are older not stupid. If they have a sign up or pumpkins out to welcome kids then they will be pleased to see them. Not all will automatically think "thats a teenager I better give them £10 to stop them mugging me!"

This child isnt going knocking on unsuspecting peoples doors, I presume like his siblings he will stick to houses that are lit up in some way or he knows the people.

Where the hell did the idea come from that any child over 7 is too old to have fun on halloween?

Not all teens are hooligans, give them a break, treat them with a bit of trust and allow them to be kids and have fun and by sticking to the 'rules' make you proud.

Surely going out with friends is all part of growing up, mine are going out with friends and only the tinies (p1,2,3 ish) are accompanied by adults, the rest go out in groups. Kids round here all go out on their own, well in groups from about 9, its no big deal.

We have teens (13, 14yrs) from high school come round here and their costumes are amazing. They really do it properly.

All this angst over one night of fun!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/10/2016 09:37

This child isnt going knocking on unsuspecting peoples doors, I presume like his siblings he will stick to houses that are lit up in some way or he knows the people.

They do sometimes knock on unsuspecting doors.

To assume they won't/don't is being a bit disingenuous.

No one is saying 'don't have fun'. You just change the things you do as you get older.

Willow2016 · 28/10/2016 09:40

I was talking about the ops son. I am sure that is not his plan as he has been doing this for years with the family and knows the rules. Surely op would trust him to continue to do the same?

exLtEveDallas · 28/10/2016 09:42

It's not just the 'fear' Willow. Elderly people may struggle to get up and down to the door as well, and not all kids stick to the 'only decorated doors' rule.

My MIL would struggle as she's attached to oxygen 16 hours a day and her DH is chair bound. My parents would struggle as it takes them about 10 mins to get up out of their chairs of an evening. They've never done Halloween but regularly got knocks at the door - now my sister puts out an empty sweet tin with a sign "Please don't knock - large grumpy dog. Help yourself to sweets' (Actually in their case mum would be terrified of a knock on the door in the dark, she has got steadily more anxious as she's got older and lives in fear of 'gangs' and stories of elderly ladies being beaten up by burglars)

If kids are with adults, fair enough as the adults can make sure they don't break the 'rules' but kids old enough to go alone aren't always the best judge of a situation.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/10/2016 09:45

As the mother of a nearly 12 year old DS, this thread has thoroughly depressed me.

12 year olds are still kids FFS. My DS is going out with friends, they know only to knock on doors with pumpkins/decorations on show, they're all polite and they know they need to be done by 8pm at the latest.

Coulddowithanap · 28/10/2016 09:49

I think it's fine as long as they are wearing a costume!

We once had a group of 3 older kids knock on our door and said trick or treat but they were just dressed in black with hoods up!

usual · 28/10/2016 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameUsed · 28/10/2016 09:54

Same sparepants. I can understand the irritant factor of trick or treaters to those who don't want them knocking. On the other hand I don't see any harm in young teenagers going trick or treating to houses that have Halloween decorations.

I would suggest that those who don't want them calling stick a note on their front doors, or go out and switch all the lights off.

I would also suggest that the OP makes it very clear that the children should only call at houses that have Halloween decorations or know where they will be allowed to call.

ElaeudanlaTeiteia · 28/10/2016 09:54

I've never taken my DC trick or treating but we always answer the door and offer treats - we normally get a few groups of taller/older kids and teens. Always been v polite and totally fine!

user1477282676 · 28/10/2016 10:14

YABU We love it when the bigger kids come! They always make such an effort in our area...we had some great costumes and once my smaller kids have come in, they look forward to the big kids' arrival!

Willow2016 · 28/10/2016 10:31

exLt
I am not condoning teens who go around intimidating people at halloween or at any other time.

I am talking about op's son who I presume would not do this as would neither of my kids.

I just feel that the blanket condemming ALL teens (and 12 is barely a teen) for terrorising, upsetting, inconveniencing every pensioner in UK on halloween is a bit ott. The majority of teens are pretty nice people and wouldnt dream of doing this, but the general concencus on MN seems to be they are all thugs. Its not fair and if it were any other section of society there would be outrage for some type of 'ism'/'phobia' etc.

FlemCandango · 28/10/2016 10:33

I don't think anyone here is saying that they will refuse sweets to a polite 12 yo even if he is taller than them. I just don't like trick or treating as a concept. I don't take my children out to do it and I never will. That doesn't make me a miserable fun free zone or a teen hating harridan. Teens are great, I just find the concept of anyone demanding sweets at the door unappealing and that is ok. I really don't want to ban Halloween or fun, just not participating in t or t.

golfbuggy · 28/10/2016 10:41

Reading this thread with interest as I also have a 12 year old that was planning to go trick or treating with his friends. I have to admit that it never crossed my mind that this was too old. If anything, I find it more weird when parents come round with their toddlers - why would you deliberately take your small children who have no concept of Hallowe'en round to strangers' houses?

It's definitely a "rule" round here that no decorations=don't knock on door. Surprised that this isn't a general thing.

seventhgonickname · 28/10/2016 10:42

My dd is 13,she thinks she is too old but all her mates are going so she is too.I hate this American thing but that is no reason to stop 13 yr old behaving like the children they are,they have to grow up too soon nowadays.

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