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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No rent no food

218 replies

Voiceoffstage · 26/10/2016 20:58

My son is 20. He qualified as a chef 2 years ago, took a 'zero hours' job at a well known American fast food outlet within 10 mins walk of our house as a 'just for now' job while he looked for his first chef job.

Good for him - I was so proud of him not being too proud to flip burgers until he found the right job!

Won't go into my concerns about him becoming 'stuck'! The observant of you will see it in the subtext of my post Blush

Anyway, he's on very short hours at the moment - only earned £22.53 in the last 2 weeks. He's applied for a 2nd chef job in a picturesque village pub with a good reputation for it's food. He had a trial this weekend, they made positive remarks, he was supposed to hear today, but, ironically, his employer has found lots of night work (extra pay) for him this week(!) so I haven't spoken to him today.

My beef is, well done to my DS, but, he really needs to apply for more than one job at a time - there is a fantastic opportunity for a trainee chef in a local luxury hotel that's part of a small chain with good opportunities for progression within the group.

OK, I'm rambling.....

He's supposed to give me £50 per week 'rent' and £50 per week for his £200pcm car insurance that I'm paying since his pay is so irregular. This month I've had the £200 car insurance from him, but he's not been able to pay me any 'rent'.

So, this week I've been eating lunch in the work canteen (yeah, I know I'm lucky - , but it looks like it will be replaced with a machine in April) and buying myself a bag of prepared salad, potato to bake etc on my way home for my tea. Funnily enough any fruit that I buy remains untouched!

Yesterday my son commented that there was no food in the house. I explained that I use his rent to buy the food, and since I'd had no rent for 4 weeks, I couldn't afford food.

Admittedly he said 'Fair enough - no rent, no food'. Wink

Now I'm wondering if AIBU?

OP posts:
SheldonCRules · 26/10/2016 21:16

Your update makes it even worse, you can afford to feed him but are choosing not to in order to teach him a lesson. Withholding food is just cruel, you could have taught him much better by now rather than let him have a phone and a car.

Original poster
Voiceoffstage · 26/10/2016 21:16

The trouble with this is you can't give the full picture in one post or it would be humungusly long.

My canteen is not subsidised, it costs me £5.20 per day. There is always bread, cheese, milk, beans, pasta and fruit.

DS manages to find the money to smoke, the petrol to drive the 10 min walk to work rather than walk or cycle.

I feel it's time for him to learn a lesson about priorities.

Maybe you still think I'm wrong. Remember he's 20 & could always have gone to an agency to get some temp work in order to earn money when he knew that he didn't have any work. His shifts are booked two weeks in advance.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 26/10/2016 21:16

his £200pcm car insurance
He needs to get rid of his car and get something more sensible because £200 a month for insurance is ridiculous.

Naicehamshop · 26/10/2016 21:16

X-posted with granny !

Original poster
Voiceoffstage · 26/10/2016 21:17

'There is always bread, cheese, milk, beans, pasta and fruit. ' I meant to add in my house.

OP posts:
Plaintalkin · 26/10/2016 21:17

I think you're being unreasonable.

Yes £50 is cheap for rent but the boys not sitting on his arse with his hand out. It's not his fault that he's been getting so little work, even you must credit him with effort.

We took 10% of our daughters wages, that seemed fair . So on weeks they earned more we got more. We were lucky and didn't need it , so we put it aside and gave it back to them when they left home.

If you don't 'need' his money then buy some groceries and support him as he tries his best to make a living wage .

technically · 26/10/2016 21:18

So there's food at home?
Thanks for the drip feed

Ledkr · 26/10/2016 21:18

Well, although as the mum of 3 lads who were poor earners for ages (one a chef) I still couldn't let anyone just starve.
Can he eat on the job?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/10/2016 21:18

I made it on my own. I have no parents so not earning wasn't an option, there was nobody to bail me out.

I think I'd help him, though.

woodhill · 26/10/2016 21:18

Buy him some food. Let him get on his feet.

Mrsemcgregor · 26/10/2016 21:18

Same as Granny, I would stop subsidising luxurys such as car insurance before I did basic needs like food.

Then he would learn if he wants to insure a car that costs so much he will have to get a job that pays enough or get the bus.

But if he is working and you want to encourage more work I would say having a healthy lifestyle is essential to that, if he is feeling under nourished he may have less enthusiasm for getting up and being productive each day.

grannytomine · 26/10/2016 21:18

Naicehamshop, great minds think alike.

Naicehamshop · 26/10/2016 21:19

Ok - massive drip feed. Why not mention the smoking and driving instead of walking in your original post! Hmm

Eatthecake · 26/10/2016 21:19

I've had bread and beans available but nothing fancy. Purely because I couldn't not have anything in of one of mine was only earning £22

A lot of people have great trouble getting decent hours on zero hour contracts, you don't ever know when you will be working next. It's shocking really

Yes he does need to put effort In to finding a job that earns more to improve his own quality of life

I don't think you can compare being 20 and renting a place in London because times really have changed, at 20 so did I but now I'm 51 and i can see how much the world has changed. Jobs are harder to get than when I was young, rents are higher. It's a different world out there today

PersianCatLady · 26/10/2016 21:21

Just £22 for 2 weeks nobody can live on that
What incentive is their for young people to bother to work when he could sign on and get £57.90 a week?

technically · 26/10/2016 21:21

Exactly naice and why not mention that there are food. What you listed is food that a lot of households live on. If you mentioned these things in the opening post, the responses might have been different.

grannytomine · 26/10/2016 21:21

So is it Yesterday my son commented that there was no food in the house. I explained that I use his rent to buy the food, and since I'd had no rent for 4 weeks, I couldn't afford food.

Or is it 'There is always bread, cheese, milk, beans, pasta and fruit. ' I meant to add in my house.

Not so much drip feeding as changing the story.

gunting · 26/10/2016 21:22

What are you hoping for him to learn from this?

QuiteLikely5 · 26/10/2016 21:22

I only think this type of thing is reasonable if you are genuinely skint but you aren't and in your shoes I just wouldn't withhold shopping.

At least I don't think I would but I've not been in your shoes

Sweets101 · 26/10/2016 21:22

Right, so you have provided food, when he raised the lack of choice you explained it was due to lack of rent. He said OK.
So where's your AIBU?

Soubriquet · 26/10/2016 21:23

I think you are being too harsh

He has got a job. He needs to work his way up but he has a job he is dreaming of doing and you're refusing to buy food

PersianCatLady · 26/10/2016 21:23

I feel it's time for him to learn a lesson about priorities
So stop paying the car insurance and the phone bill.

PersianCatLady · 26/10/2016 21:26

Can he eat on the job?
I doubt it as he only worked 3.5 hours in the last fortnight.

OP
Does your DS go to work all day but they calculate the time he is "on the shop floor" and then only pay him for that?

unicornsarenotjustforchristmas · 26/10/2016 21:27

I think you are being harsh. It's not his fault he can't pay your rent, would you rather he be on jsa to give you regular income?
My parents always charged me 1/3rd of my earnings for rent. I think a percentage as opposed to a fixed amount is much fairer for your own dc

MidsummersNight · 26/10/2016 21:27

You've got this the wrong way round.

Stop paying his insurance and phone bill, put the money towards a well stocked house.

Insurance and phones are things you don't get unless you have a job, food is a basic necessity.