To think that dh and Dd1 should pay half each for the missing chocolates?

[Boisderose]

I bought dd2 a really big box of chocolates for her birthday last week. She's like me, saves them. Someone has gone into her room and eaten about 10 of them. Dd2 is really upset. It wasn't me or Dd3 - neither of us like chocolates. Dd1 and dh both have form for this in the past - dh can't control himself around other people's sweets and nor can Dd1. It makes me so so furious. I have called them both greedy liars and said as neither of them are mature enough to own up they need to give me 7.50 each so I can buy dd2 a new box. They are both denying it and refusing. It makes me so angry I could leave dh!!!! (probably an overreaction). Aibu?

I have a child who does this and has stolen and eaten chocolates which I won as a prize, broken or destroyed lip balms of her sisters, takes stuff out of my jewellery box. Drives me crazy and it feels so awful to not be able to trust a member of the family. I have no advice. I would be raging but I can't prevent it in my own home so I won't presume to advise you

tbh maybe your dh just doesn't understand that some things are not to be shared.
I seem to argue quite often with mine when he thinks I'm overreacting to him eating some treat which was clearly for one of the children or myself ( as in, a present ). He just doesn't think it's important... I quite like little rituals, symbolic presents ... he sees it just as sugar, things to be enjoyed now.
He also regularly "tries" sweets which he knows he doesn't like but which I love and am given as presents by my family ( foreign born ). So he half bites them and chucks the rest in the bin. Then I get the blame if I am offended! ( which I am, inevitably )

Stealing make up is way worse than stealing chocolate though - hoarding the chocolate in her room instead of sharing it is hardly to be encouraged, whereas makeup isn't meant to be shared and using other people's is grotty and unhygienic.

Between the sisters, leaving the DH aside, the dd1 is more hard done by in this scenario - letting her little sister steal from her but using emotive language like "greedy liar" to shame dd1 is not on at all!

How long had DD2 been stealing from dd1 and why is dd2's taking without asking and against the owner's wishes, repeatedly by the sound of it, "borrowing" but when DD1 does the same it is "stealing" ...

Are you going to insist DD2 pays for the make up?

My ex H scoffed a box of chocolates I had bought for a friend in front of our dd and then also in front of her denied eating them all

Dd2 kept them in her room because if they were in the kitchen dh would eat them! Yes I agree borrowing make up is really skanky

Ah OK, I see why it wasn't in the kitchen...

My little sister used to keep Easter eggs in the drawer under her bed and taunt everybody with them once we'd eaten ours (the rest of us kept them in the kitchen). She would unwrap them and sniff them and try to bribe us to do things for her and give her our stuff with tiny corners (chocolate was not allowed aside from Christmas and Easter).

Nobody ever stole her chocolate but we had an infestation of mice one year...

Lockable boxes for both children. I'd leave laxative chocolates out, too.

but another box, leave in plain sight.....not before syngering gel food colouring into their centres tho

This is all very one sided and hypocritical (not just op)

Those advocating leaving laxative chocolate out presumably you are also in favour of a honey trap of some horrific make up honey trap for DD2 as well - green permanent marker inside what appears to be a lip pencil or eyeliner, or even something that will bring her out in a rash?

I do however like the idea of replacing them with laxatives

That depends on how many toilets there are in the house. Unless you have more than two you don't want to risk them being out of action (or uninhabitable!) at the same times that no-one else can have a wee or anything.

I think they are both behaving appallingly - there is the theft (which may or may not be your DH this time, but has been in times past and he is unrepentant), there is the fact that these chocolates were particularly nice ones, and a gift , and thirdly, your DD2 was really looking forward to having one, and found that the box had been raided - effectively spoiled for her. Stealing a gift seems particularly spiteful to me. I would have cried, too.

DD2 will realise that the only way to keep her own sweets is to eat them all at once - not a lesson you want her to learn, nor is it something she wants to do. She isn't greedy, has the self-control to delay gratification (a brilliant life-lesson, btw) and dis effectively being punished for her virtues.

I agree the chocolates need to be replaced. Sadly there is probably nothing you can do to force your DH to contribute, other than going through his pockets when he is asleep, but you can tell your DD1 that she will be paying her own horse-related expenses for at least a fortnight. This is likely to be more than the value of the chocolates, but it will also teach her not to steal, lie or bully her sister (because this is effectively bullying). She needs to learn respect for other people's feelings and property.

Also, when DD1's and Dh's birthdays come along - buy a box of chocolates for DD2, instead of a gift for them. (And invest in a locking cupboard for DD2 - she needs to know that her things are safe when she leaves the house.)

I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else

If I thought that all of my chocolates were going to be scoffed by someone else before I'd even had a chance to taste them, I'd put them out of the way, too. There's nothing wrong with keeping them in your bedroom and bringing the box out to offer round every now and then.

Sounds like the idea that you dont just help yourself to other peoples stuff needs to be reinforced to everyone in the house, youve got three people living there who seem to think the family culture is you just take whatever and then deny it if you think you can get away with it.

2kids do you think dd2 stealing make up from dd1 repeatedly is fine? You are very impressed with her virtues but it's very possible her big sister is sick of being stolen from and thought sod it - if dd2 is allowed to get off Scot free when she steals from dd1 it should work both ways.

Sounds as if for dd2 it's "What's mine is all mine and mine alone, and what's dd1's us mine too if I fancy". - and most people on this thread seem to think that because what dd2 steals from dd1 is not edible she is an angel and her unhygienic and unwelcome stealing is just fine!

Storm exactly! Dd2 is just as free with helping herself to other people's stuff as dd1 yet somehow she is the victim... It's pretty clear that actually it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other!

Loving the fact that on page 1 someone has pretty much suggested LTB 'leave the bastard'. - it wouldn't be MN unless someone suggested that about every minor little thing.

That said, I would sit down and tell DH that you are actually really upset about this going on in the house, esp when he is involved and that you would like him to be honest and say if he ate the sweets. If you like, say no reprisals but you just want to know who did it. I would expect an adult to manage to confess or be honest!
I'd also sit the house down together too and talk about respecting other people's stuff and honesty. And I think I would say that if anything of this type ever happens again, there will no sweets in the house over Christmas or something similar. And if at that point no one is willing to confess, I think I would just buy DD another box myself.
I really think this kind of thing does need to be cracked down on. It's the deceitful see of going into someone else's space and taking their stuff and not being willing to be honest about it.

2kids do you think dd2 stealing make up from dd1 repeatedly is fine?

Have to admit 5 . . . minutes that I hadn't read that far when I responded (mea culpa!) - and no, I don't,

But I do think that there is a difference between borrowing make-up and eating chocolates - and that DD2 is that bit younger - you suggest that DD1 is getting revenge for make-up, but perhaps it's the other way round! (And perhaps DD2 needs some make-up of her own - can't recall if OP has mentioned her age).

It seems that this disrespect frothier people's personal space and property has come from Dad, who seems to think it is okay to take anything and not replace it. (God knows, there are days I would kill for chocolate, though I never have yet, but I wold never take someone else's without replacing it.)

He's addicted to sugar. He has a childish love of sweets. I think it's fucking repulsive

It's not like you choose to love sweets! You do or you don't. Some lose the sweet tooth as they get older, others never do (or never have it). He can't control that, it's not a problem, and there's nothing repulsive about it. What is a problem is him nicking sweets from the kids! Okay, one or two pieces of Halloween candy, or a few M&Ms from their bag, that's one thing. But when it's a gift to DD and even one piece goes missing, that's just sad. :(

After making sure DD2 had no friends over who might've nicked the chocolates, I'd sit both DD1 and DH down and say, "I don't care who took it, but one or both of you are paying for the replacement of these chocolates. You two decide whose pocket it's coming out of."

I think you need a convo with DH re being on the same page. He needs to realise how angry you are about this and back you up when you bollock the kids. Buy each child a lock box with a decent padlock. Stealing make up is foul but nicking a gift is also horrible. If they don't respect each other's boundaries, they need a safe place each, which your 'd'h can't access either. He'd drive me fucking potty.

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else"

i can't quite get past someone actually thinking anything given as a present ought to be shared.

Fuck off with that, if i get given chocolates, the fuck am i sharing them, they're mine!

Why do people think food given as presents are a fair game free for all?

He may be blameless this time, but that's what happens when you steal from your family - you make yourself look untrustworthy...

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else"

I can when they know their own father will scoff the fucking lot.

I think dd1 has admitted to stealing the chocolate - but the only way you can credibly ask her to pay for them is if dd2 has to pay for all the make up she's stolen.

If dd1 is to be made to pay for a whole new big box of expensive chocolate, not just a proportional amount for the 10 she stole, dd2 had better be paying to replace every item of make up she used and left her germs on, with a brand new identical replacement. Otherwise the favouritism is palpable.

As for thinking dd2's stealing is OK because she's younger and suggesting she be rewarded with make of her own while dd1 is made to buy her new chocolate... That way lies siblings who despise one another, a dd1 who will steal just because she feels so badly done by and a dd2 who will steal again because apparently she can do no wrong ...

This reminds me of something. My sons girlfriend was staying with us and had her birthday while she was there. I had made her a birthday cake and she took it up to her room. My son had a bit of it when she was out and she was furious that he had taken some of her cake. At the time I was rather confused that she had squirrelled it up to her room as it is normal to share out birthday cakes and I think my son felt the same. He did apologise though.

It is quite shocking that you believed your DH could steal sweets from his child and then deny it. Siblings may do this kind of thing but it isn't normal for a parent to do it.