AIBU to say NO to bringing DD to DF's 60th birthday ball?

[goneHaywire]

Hi all
DF is having a masked ball for his 60th birthday and my parents 35th anniversary (they got married on his bday). DF has recently demanded that "DD is coming".

DD is 4yrs old, at the moment is not interested in being out past bedtime and has cerebral Palsy so if she doesn't get adequate sleep she cannot control her body the next day. So my initial reaction was "No she's not!"

To which he said "I want when I look back at my pictures to see my grand daughter there"

Now he's suggesting that he'll book a room at the hotel where the event is being held, for dd to go and sleep - because he doesn't get on with my DH, DF doesn't want him anywhere near the party so he says to have one of my aunts watch her and not her own dad!

AIBU to still not be keen on this??

You know you can say no?

Laugh and laugh some more. You and your DH are her parents and will decide what's best, end of.

God just say no she's not coming.
End of.
Sounds like her being there is all about him not her having a nice time

How well does your dd know the aunt ? I would go with dd but only if dh could come to look after her. He he doesn't agree to this then she doesn't go

Anyone who thought they could dictate to me about what my child's other parent could or couldn't do would be told to go screw himself! Just say no, it's up to you and dh to decide not your df and if you decided that dh was going to look after her in a hotel room it's your call nothing to do with your df.

Would your dad agree to a lunch with your DD there before going on to the masked ball? That way he can have photos of his granddaughter celebrating with him but in a more child friendly way.

Also I would be fuming if my dad had said he didn't want my DH to be there. Like it or not he is part of your family!

Sorry, your father has banned your husband from this party? Have I read that right? Because I'd be having a big problem with that, let alone the situation with your DD, about which yanbu.

No, YANBU at all. AchingBack has is spot on. The party sounds like a hoot, but I wouldn't be going if my DH wasn't welcome.

Furthermore, perhaps your aunt would like to enjoy the party herself rather than provide childcare!

Your df is being a mardy arsed git. It would be me, my dh and dd will be wherever we say or none of us.
However if you want to keep the peace,could he and dm (I assume) come to yours (or you go to them)all dressed up for photos? She could have a dress up outfit too. It sounds like he wants it all for the look of it anyway.

I wouldn't be going to any party if I was told that my DH wasn't even allowed to be there to look after his own child.

It's all about your father and what is best for him not his granddaughter. It is his party and he may wish for her to be there but banning your husband and demanding that she is there!

Does your Aunt know that she is being volunteered? I bet on the night he will say just a bit longer she is really enjoying it, your Aunt wants to stay a bit longer etc etc. He next day your daughter has to face the consequences. It will be a drip, drip, drip to get what he wants. Do what is best for your daughter. Like the suggestion of a family lunch during the day.

Why doesn't he like your DH? My guess is that is one sided and it's your dad who has been as arse.

Doesn't sound like your DF has accepted that you're an adult now or should have any say in how things go

Take her to see him in the day. Take a picture of them together and frame it. Job's a good one.

He's 60, not 100, and his young grandchild's wellbeing trumps his wants in this case.

Wow. That's really quite demanding and odd.

Does he think he can just ignore his DGD's DF!?

He seems to think your DF (him!) should get high priority. He needs to sort his position on fathers out.

IMO none of you should go. He's demanded your DD be there and he doesn't want your DH anywhere near the party. He's volunteered an aunt (his sister) to watch your DD.

Am I missing something and he is actually a Roman emperor?

If I really wanted someone at an event I would make sure that it was suitable for them, in this case making sure it was on at a time that she could be there for a bit and not up late.

He has no right to dictate who looks after your daughter or who is in the hotel. If that option is suitable have DH do it or she's not going.

Why does your father dislike your husband so much? Is it justified?

Either way just a flat 'No' to suggestions that your four year old attends.

There has to be a back story to this. Based on the few facts here I would say your DF is U and your DH has a DW problem. I kinda think there may be a drip feed it a bit.

I thought there might be a possible compromise until I read that your DH is excluded. Your father is demanding that your disabled daughter attend but her other parent isn't even allowed to look after her?! Unless there is a drip feed that your DH has done something extreme to warrant exclusion from the family, this behaviour seems totally out of order.

You shouldn't be going to the party purely on the basis that your DH isn't invited.

saphirestrange excellent!

I don't know why you even questioning your own questioning of this request.
do you get on with him.sounds like a shaky family relationship if many don't get on.especialy with regards to dh

Ditto that it is horrible of your father to exclude your husband. Why on earth is that okay?

On your DD - if it would affect her that badly then he just has to suck it up and not see her. It's not like a lot of kids who would just be a bit overtired the next day - she'll be a lot more affected.

Send him a DVD of "Eyes Wide Shut" and stay at home

She's a person, not a photo prop. His attitude sounds really unpleasant.