AIBU to say NO to bringing DD to DF's 60th birthday ball?

[goneHaywire]

Hi all
DF is having a masked ball for his 60th birthday and my parents 35th anniversary (they got married on his bday). DF has recently demanded that "DD is coming".

DD is 4yrs old, at the moment is not interested in being out past bedtime and has cerebral Palsy so if she doesn't get adequate sleep she cannot control her body the next day. So my initial reaction was "No she's not!"

To which he said "I want when I look back at my pictures to see my grand daughter there"

Now he's suggesting that he'll book a room at the hotel where the event is being held, for dd to go and sleep - because he doesn't get on with my DH, DF doesn't want him anywhere near the party so he says to have one of my aunts watch her and not her own dad!

AIBU to still not be keen on this??

Your dad sounds like a pain but I'm intrigued to know why your husband isn't invited. What has he done to become persona non grata?

Masked ball???
WTAF?

I don't get this 'special birthday' crap. Why does turning 60 (or 50 or 40 etc.) make someone special and need to be pandered to?

I'm another in the just don't go camp, OP.

It's bad enough your DF wants to keep your DD out of her bed (would she even sleep well in a strange bed and without parents?), but trying to divide your family too by not inviting your DH? Sod that.

Thanks for all you feedback guys.

The situation with DH & DF has been snowballing for the past 2 years. TBH I know DH wouldn't even want to attend the party.

'Room for dd to sleep in' had now become a sleep over for dd and her cousin 7yr

Fuck that shit

It's not really a sleepover if you are just put in a room to sleep whilst everyone else is at a party

Your dad isn't your priority, that would be your child first then your DH second and your parents somewhere after that.

Just don't go at all. Tell him family is important to you, and yours primarily are dd and DH. Let him throw a strop.

Sorry I think the bigger problem is the fact that your husband is excluded from your father's party . How can you sustain a proper family relationship with that going on?

I do understand the tiredness with CP but if your Aunt is willing to babysit then you do have a compromise, if you are willing and happy to accept. Is your DD excited about the party and sleepover with her cousin?

Unless there is a really good reason why your father will not have your DH at the party (like he's an alcoholic, who makes a scene at every event he goes to, or something like that) I would tell your father that unless DH is invited, none of you will attend.

Normally, I would have thought, if they just don't get along, you should all three go, and your DH and DF can avoid be civil to each other until it's time for DD to go to bed, and he can take her up. It would be the perfect excuse for him to escape, and for the two men not to have to spend too much time together.

The situation has been snowballing??

That's it?

I think you're wrong not to stand by your dh in that case.

It's one night. Is it worth the hassle of all this stress? If you love your dad just do what he asks, it's just one evening. If your not bothered about upsetting him then don't.

On you on your dad's 'side' in whatever this arguement is about with your DH?