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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my friend to shut up?

142 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 01:48

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

OP posts:

Willow2016 · 26/10/2016 11:50

'Whatitshould'

Exactly, what part of that is ops fault?

Nurszilla · 26/10/2016 11:54

Can't really comment on the whole friend-ruining-sleep thing as whilst I understand your point, you kinda lost any moral high ground being so harsh to them.

However, your DD is the same age as mine and there's no way I'd put up with the crap. If you know she is gonna cry for you then why can't you just co-sleep for a bit? My DD is ill at the moment and wakes herself with coughing every 3 minutes, so she's in my bed whilst DH retires to the guest room so we can all get some rest.

Bluesrunthegame · 26/10/2016 11:59

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all. She asked a friend for help, she explained the situation and asked if she could have a calm relaxing evening. If a friend came to me for help like this, I'd be making sure everything was as peaceful as possible and would try to help in any way I could. Friend 2 has arrived with alcohol, is loud, has horrible views (to which she is entitled, but she doesn't have to lecture OP about them) and the evening is no longer a peaceful haven but is a noisy nightmare.

So I think OP is right to be unhappy. Coffee might have been a mistake, unless it was decaff, tbh, but as she asked for help and got a whole load of noise, I can see why she might eventually lose patience.

tupperwareAARGGH · 26/10/2016 12:00

I don't think Yabu and if you'd ask me if you could stay, I certainly wouldn't have arranged a piss up.

moreslackthanslick · 26/10/2016 12:11

I'm child free and love a good piss up round at a mate's house but under these circumstances er... Wouldn't ! Did friend 1 even explain to friend 2 about why you were there?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 13:04

Queen I was commenting on the fact it was, by the OP's own admission, a few days of less sleep than usual - and other posters have commented they have had years of it so perhaps the OP is being a little precious.

Original poster

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 13:13

Okay, have some time so here are some answers
DH left to work abroad for 6 months about 2 weeks ago. Since he left DD has had trouble sleeping mostly because she misses DD which is why she acts up. She is usually a really good sleeper. She has been sleeping with me for the first week and would still wake up several times a night. After a week I said she has to go to her own bedroom as mummy is tired. Obviously didn't work.

Coffee - a decaf nespresso.
I was watching a movie because I arrived first at friend #1's house and we put a movie on together!

it was supposed to be a chill, relaxing night it. The reason why I never expected it to be a boozer even with friend #2 there is because we were all supposed to go out Friday night!

Things have calmed down, we have all apologized to each other and I slept on my own.

Yes I snapped and told her what I did. But I was so tired.

OP posts:

witchofzog · 26/10/2016 13:16

Wtaf has happenned to mumsnet lately? I have been here under various names for about 13 years and if this had been posted a few years ago, I doubt very much the ok would have been called spoilt, entitled, bizarre, not really sleep deprived just to name a few. The poster who said mumsnet is lacking in empathy right now is 100 percent right.

The op has helped her friend out in the past, asked for help for herself explaining how she was feeling and was then asked to cook a meal, told she was sharing a bed with drunk obnoxious friend and subjected to loud music most of the night. Yes she should not have sworn, but come on, friends don't behave like this. Friend 1 knew how op was feeling, didn't tell her the plans for the evening were now different until it was too bloody late and then talked about her behind her back but so she could hear

I am sorry you have had a shit time on here op. You were NOT unreasonable.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 13:38

Glad things have calmed down now and your friends have understood the situation and now you've explained backstory it makes more sense re your DH being away.

for what it's worth I've stayed in B&B for 2 nights with 1 friend who snored really loudly - for the second night my other 2 friends went to get earplugs but I always carry them with me and eye mask and also lavender essential oil because I know I'm a useless sleeper at the best of times. same with travel hot water bottle and/or bed socks! one of my other friends was visibly really tired after the first night.

glad you slept by yourself and glad you have a more enjoyable Friday night out too!

lemondropcake · 26/10/2016 14:15

You do have your own house to sleep at you know. Your friends house isn't a hotel.

Nanny0gg · 26/10/2016 14:44

The OP has explained the (justifiable) reason her DD is playing up.

However, assuming we didn't know that, could the posters who said she had to sort out her DD's nighttime behaviour out, please explain how, exactly?

If you have older children, paper-thin walls and a very stubborn toddler, just how do you do it? Because I don't think a Supernanny technique at 3am is appropriate under those circumstances.

diddl · 26/10/2016 15:02

How did she get on without you last night?

BoffinMum · 26/10/2016 15:11

What witchofzog said. Seriously.

Original poster

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 15:26

Diddl - my dm sad it was hard, she kept asking for me or DH, so dm just put her in bed with her. DM is sleeping now while I'm out with the DC. Hopefully tonight it'll be easier for us, we're gonna skype with DH, DM will take turns in comforting DD and then take turns sleeping during the day! Thank you for everyone who had helpful comments!

OP posts:

diddl · 26/10/2016 15:53

Hopefully she'll settle to it soon.

I suppose she wants reassuring that you are still there, although you'd think that sleeping with you would have helped with that.

Willow2016 · 26/10/2016 19:05

lemondrop

The whole point of her going to her friends house is very clear. Friend was reciprocating favours the op has given her and was happy with the arrangement, she wasnt forced!

Friend was happy to have her over for this EXACT reason.

They had settle down to watch a film before friend 2 arrived.

Friend 2 decided to act like a stroppy 2 year old (what 40+YR old woman puts a blanket over the tv cos she isnt getting attention ffs?) and get pissed and loud and obnoxious.

Friend 1 didnt intervene and tell friend 2 to shut the frig up and calm down.

OP is exhausted and upset cos the promise of a calm night has vanished and both friends are now pissed and making a fool of her.

Yet all you have to say is 'friends house isnt a hotel' kind of missed the whole point in your rush to criticise op.

Seriously this week seems to be 'lets lynch the op without actually thinking about the problem week' never seen such vitriol on mn over really obvious problems affecting people for a long time (and thats saying something), it just seems to be being deliberately goady/missing the whole point/victim blaming is the 'in thing' at the moment. Pretty sad.

user1473509591 · 26/10/2016 19:46

Oh I actually feel quite sorry for you. It's horrible when you're looking forward to a nice quiet night and something ruins it. Add sleep deprivation to a situation you sound like you wouldn't have been comfortable in even if you weren't there to just sleep and I can see why you snapped. I probably would have just left, but there's probably a reason why you didn't.
I just want to give you a hug and offer you my bed!

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