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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend to shut up?

142 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 01:48

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 07:03

But the friend didn't 'offer' a quiet bed for the night, the OP asked for it (which is slightly odd and a bit cheeky)

OP sat there for several hours while the other two drank more and more (she presumably could have left at any point) then insisted on watching two films (in someone else's house, which seems very rude)

And who drinks coffee all evening when the idea is to get sleep?

I don't think anyone behaved well but the OP effectively invited herself over and then, when the evening went wrong, kicked off. Sleep deprivation doesn't excuse being obnoxious.

FerretFred · 26/10/2016 07:16

Whilst snapping isn't great, its more than understandable. Your friend with the house knew why you needed to get your head down and has actually been a bit selfish. Although to be fair you could of left.

These sound like friends you go on the piss with, not friends that have got your back when things are shitty.

I think just say sorry for being ratty as you were so tired and keep these friends for such times. Find more sympathetic mates.

FluffyFluffster · 26/10/2016 07:19

I don't understand the controversy. If a good friend of mine needed to stay for a bit of time out, I'm not gonna go and then organise a piss up with loud music am I? I also wouldn't give a shit if they'd asked for help rather than have it offered. What's the point of friends if you can't ask them for help sometimes?

It's one thing if the loud boozy girls night had already been organised but the other way around is pretty thoughtless really. It's not that hard to message and say 'oh X is coming over for some drinks, might get out of hand lol'.

elodie2000 · 26/10/2016 07:29

You need new friends OP.

Your friends sound like 13 year olds who've nicked some booze from their M&D and got drunk. Are they always like this when they've had a drink?
You wanted a quiet night in and friend 1 knew that and agreed to it. Sounds like friend 1 & 2 changed the plan and behaved like morons. Both ABU.

I would have gone home in a taxi.

Thattimeofyearagain · 26/10/2016 07:37

Hope you got some sleep op- sleep deprivation is horrible.

mum2Bomg · 26/10/2016 07:55

I think they were selfish. Next time I'd book into a cheap hotel miles from the nearest road and sleeeeeep!

ClopySow · 26/10/2016 08:03

I really hope the op sees the later posts in this thread. I can't believe how awful some posters have been.

I'd have been mad as fuck in your shoes op. Friend 2 sounds like an arsehole. Friend 1 doesn't sound like a great friend. If one of my friends was on her knees with sleep deprivation, i'd be doing what i could to help her get a good sleep.

Allfednonedead · 26/10/2016 08:04

I am completely on your side, OP. My 3.5yo twins are similar and I have often wondered about asking a friend if I could stay for a night.
On the other hand, I'm shocked at your friends' behaviour. They both sound awful on this occasion, and friend 2 sounds like a horrible person.
Can your DM not take DD out for a couple of hours at least? If you can afford a night in a Premier Inn or the like, I think it would be money well spent.

ample · 26/10/2016 08:06

I feel for you Shelves. Tiredness; the kind with zero energy levels, brings out the evil ratty in me.
The arrangement to sleep at friends house was an utter balls-up which you didn't instigate. Hopefully you can chat about it when they are sober.

What you need, if you can arrange, is a local hotel for the night and a full morning in bed. Is this possible if your mum is staying/or comes back to stay? I hope you manage to get some sleep.

booellesmum · 26/10/2016 08:12

I completely understand why you snapped. There is nothing quite like the level of zombie tiredness that being woken by children can drive you to.
Friends are meant to be there for you and support you. I don't see anything wrong with asking a friend for help - and she knew why you were there so to turn it into a party does seem really mean to me.
Times like these make you realise who you can count on and who you can't.
You do need to tackle the having to get up with DD though. Mine did this and it's awful. Maybe a marble jar. Say to her she can always call you if it's an emergency and you love you very much BUT you need to sleep. If she doesn't call for something silly put a marble in the jar in the morning. If she does call take one away. No change of she calls if poorly etc - or give one for her being sensible. Marbles=treats.
I also used to say to my DD the day after when she wanted to go to the park or play school etc "no - I am too tired because you woke me up in the night so I need to sit on the sofa and relax instead". Hopefully she will learn quickly and you can get some rest!

Whocansay · 26/10/2016 08:12

I think it's odd in the circumstances that your friend asked the second friend over at all. I think you were a bit unreasonable in what you said, but given the sleep deprivation aspect, as well as your expectations of the evening, it was understandable. Your friends were more unreasonable, imho.

I hope things improve soon. Sleep deprivation is a killer.

LadyAEIOU · 26/10/2016 08:13

I'm with you OP your friend offered you a break and maybe snapping was the wrong way to go about it but both friends are being shitty. Think 1 should have explained to 2 that it wasn't a big get together but you were having a break from the kids so it was a low key chill out. YANBU.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 08:14

I think earlier posters may have been more understanding if the OP had a small baby or been dealing with the sleep deprivation for more than 'a few days'. Not being able to sleep is shit but no excuse for being obnoxious.

But to invite yourself to someone's house to sleep, then insist on watching two films that the others weren't interested in and moan and swear at them because they are getting pissed (one of them in their OWN HOME) isn't on imo.

Presumably OP could see how things were going so could have left before it got to that point?

Like PP said, next time, book into a hotel - that way you can demand things just the way you like Smile

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 08:15

And OP says she asked the friend, the friend didn't offer.

treaclesoda · 26/10/2016 08:20

I don't doubt that the friends behaved appallingly, their behaviour was very selfish.

But I think the OPs behaviour sounds strange and rude too.

CosyCoupe88 · 26/10/2016 08:22

I wpuld have lost my shit too OP. in those circumstances I don t think yabu. Yes is a favour but she knew you wanted to rest and how tired you were. You may as well have stayed home with your more reasonable 3.5 year old tHan go to a place to be asked to cook and turn your films off as they're shit!!! Travel lodge for Xmas present?!

DrunkenMissOrderly · 26/10/2016 08:25

Your friend had the night off from her own kids and you invited yourself over to get a break from your kids...in my world that absolutely means get the wine out, make a night of it.

bloody weird if you ask me that you were demanding it go any other way!

honeysucklejasmine · 26/10/2016 08:27

Wow. Well OP, for the high crime of asking a friend for a favour, you are now in her debt forever and can't possibly be annoyed.

Personally I am with Dixie. I would have no problem with a friend asking what you did, and I would not invite someone else around at the same time when I know you're desperate for sleep.

Only1scoop · 26/10/2016 08:28

Go to you mums if her house is empty whilst she's watching your DC....or a hotel

LadyAEIOU · 26/10/2016 08:29

Same honey good friends help eachother.

myownprivateidaho · 26/10/2016 08:31

I think your friend did not get the message that you only wanted to come over to sleep. I think she thought you wanted an evening in with her without kids. Hence her having the other friend over. Either way, I think YABU OP - sorry.

myownprivateidaho · 26/10/2016 08:32

And I feel VERY sorry for friend 1 in all this. Can't really imagine what I'd do if two of my friends started having an hour-long late-night fight in my living room about whether they watched a movie or listened to music.

Lilaclily · 26/10/2016 08:35

Flowers Hope you're sleeping op

Mozfan1 · 26/10/2016 08:36

assumed you were maybe early twenties

I'm early twenties and wouldn't act like that, thanks.

roundaboutthetown · 26/10/2016 08:37

With friends like these...

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