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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend to shut up?

142 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 01:48

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

OP posts:
pictish · 26/10/2016 09:43

All things assumed as usual, I think it's shocking that a three and a half year old is so disruptive, screaming in the night, that you felt the need to do this at all. The whole situation is ridiculous.
Time to address the night waking and screaming - it's not on. She is too old for that.

pictish · 26/10/2016 09:49

And your friends probably didn't realise the full extent of your exhaustion either. I would not expect the parent to be in such a state of sleep deprivation because of a three and a half year old, unless there were known difficulties.

Getting you out of bed screaming because she is too hot is outrageous. Crack down now!

Liiinoo · 26/10/2016 09:50

No-one covered themselves in glory here did they?

Halloweensnake · 26/10/2016 09:50

Sort yr daughter out,problem solved.

pictish · 26/10/2016 09:51

She will be waking your older child up too of course. Why are you allowing this? Sanctions - use some!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 09:51

Sorry OP, don't think sone of the pps on here have sufferers from long term sleep deprivation. They also seem to think that friendships are about wine and partying and not also sometimes being kind and thoughtful.

Lots of assumptions there and 'not sleeping more than three hours for the last few days' is not long term. Just because the OP can't deal with a few days of little sleep, she can't expect the world to revolve around her.

Plenty of posters on this site have to survive on broken sleep for a lot longer than a few days.

Halloweensnake · 26/10/2016 09:52

Book in to a B and B for a night ,then you will be in a better state of mind to tackle yr daughters behavoiur

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 09:57

I think as soon as you realised friend 2 was staying over you should have left.

I always go to a house I don't know with gel earplugs and a sleep mask. then I am dead to the world!

Your reaction was OTT.

why are you friends with No. 2 if she's such a xenophobe??

diddl · 26/10/2016 10:01

What time was all of this happening?

I mean when I've been tired I've gone to bed at 7pm for example, as soon as husband has walked in & slept solid for 12hrs.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 26/10/2016 10:02

The sense of entitlement in the opening post is hilarious.

Willow2016 · 26/10/2016 10:05

I dont get why everyone is piling onto op?

Friend 2 acted like a spoilt 2yr old, she is in her 40's ffs!

Friend 1 should have know friend 2 only came over for a piss up and said no on this occaisdion, why priomise op a quiet night then invite a party animal?

Yes she shouldnt have swore at her but I think I would too after hours of friend 2 acting like a brat.

And no way would I think that telling a friend she can come over to chillout and sleep equates to telling her some drunken idiot who has absolutely no manners herself, and is acting like a complete arse, will be sharing her bed with her Shock

Op as soon as it started going tits up you should have left.

Friend 1 should have explained to friend 2 why you were there and offered her to come over another night (she had all week for her to visit) or stopped her before it got so bad. Why offer help when you are providing the opposite?

pictish · 26/10/2016 10:11

Or rather not sanctions but rewards? Whatever works...you tend to attract more bees with honey than vinegar.

Good luck with it anyway. I presume the fall out will blow over - the expectations of all of you were different so it blew up. Draw a line under it and move on.

PrivatePike · 26/10/2016 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 10:21

I personally don't understand why you didn't get a bit drunk too when you realised the No. 2 friend was coming. surely you knew they both wanted to let their hair down with the DC being away??

Drunk people are always annoying when sober people are around - then eventually you should have ordered takeout rather than them making you cook.

Bubblegum18 · 26/10/2016 10:33

My three year is is currently waking up in the middle of the night crying around 2/3oclock I also have a baby who wakes 4/5 o'clock, this has been going on every night for 3 weeks. I don't have my mother staying and helping because my DF has a terminal illness, I also don't take advantage of my friends who have a child free night and impose on their home, which is what you've done and tried to demand it on your terms.

I'm exhausted, I don't get much opportunity to sleep during the day but will go to bed early or I nap on afternoon when DH is off. I don't think you need to try get to the bottom of why your DD isn't sleeping.

SavageBeauty73 · 26/10/2016 10:36

I think your friends thought you wanted a night off from your kids not a night to sleep! You were rude. They were drunk.

You need to sort your DD's sleep issues.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 26/10/2016 10:37

Your friends are a bit shit op. I don't blame you for freaking out.

TryingNotToWaddle · 26/10/2016 10:42

I don't think you are being unreasonable in feeling pissed off. Ok in hindsight you would have reacted in a different way (gone home regardless of waking up DD) and not told her to shut the fuck up but I am in total shock that they would both be so inconsiderate!

You asked a friend for some help with something you were struggling with and she made the situation worse and then laughed at you too!

So now you know... these are 'funtime' type friends to socialise with when you're in that mood but nothing more. Not a caring or deep friendship from either of them I'm afraid.

Hope you have some support from family or other friends sounds like a tough time X

user1471434605 · 26/10/2016 10:55

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You are sleep deprived and exhausted and you asked for HELP! You didn't get it and friend two sounds like an idiot. Next time, just go home. At least your DD has a reason for acting like a toddler.

QueenArseClangers · 26/10/2016 10:59

Livia have you experienced sleep deprivation due to a small child waking frequently?
I'd have just booked a Travelodge or asked my mum to sleep in DD's bedroom for the night.

Pettywoman · 26/10/2016 11:12

I totally understand OP. Sleep deprivation is horrible and if you had expected a bit of respite from it and a chilled and pleasant evening with your friend that turned into a boozy party no wonder you flipped out of desperation. I'd have felt similar. Sadly there's nothing you can do but suck it up as it's not your house. Your outburst was unfortunate and I hope you've not damaged the friendships. I think I'd have cried rather than sworn.

I'm a bit Hmm at the hard time you've been given on here by some posters. This place is a bit confrontational and lacking in empathy at the moment.

Arfarfanarf · 26/10/2016 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 26/10/2016 11:30

I don't see why Op wanting to sleep there meant that another friend couldn't come round also.

The only thing that I think friend1 did wrong was to say that friend2 could stay & share the same bed as Op.

If that hadn't have been happening there would still have been a bed for Op to sleep in away from her daughter, which was the point.

furryminkymoo · 26/10/2016 11:45

Why didn't you just go to bed?

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 26/10/2016 11:47

I feel like I've missed something here, so correct me if I'm wrong:

OP asks Friend 1 if she can sleep at hers as she's knackered. Friend 1 agrees, having been made aware of OP's sleep deprivation.

Friend 2 invites herself - makes xenophobic remarks, gets extremely pissed, shouts and swears at OP to turn off two movies , and even puts a blanket over the TV screen to ensure that knackered OP is providing the full attention she demands.

Friend 2 is 46 and childless, so not in the best position to understand sleep deprivation caused by a wakeful toddler.

Friend 1 understood the reason for OPs stay, and yet did nothing to make life easier for her.

And yet the OP is entitled. What does that make friend 2? an ignorant, racist pain in the arse who clearly cant hold her drink and is, at 46 and a decade older than her friends, pretty fucking immature and insensitive